Dissociation

What is Dissociation?

Dissociation is a psychological process that creates disconnection between thoughts, feelings, surroundings, memories, or sense of identity. It exists on a spectrum from mild (daydreaming) to severe (dissociative identity disorder), and serves as a protective mechanism when experiences become too overwhelming to integrate.

For survivors of narcissistic abuse, dissociation often develops as an adaptive response to chronic, inescapable trauma. When you can’t physically escape, your mind escapes instead.

How Dissociation Manifests

Depersonalization: Feeling detached from yourself, as if watching your life from outside your body.

Derealization: Feeling that the world around you isn’t real, like you’re in a dream or behind glass.

Emotional numbing: Inability to feel emotions, or feeling them as muted and distant.

Memory gaps: Losing time, not remembering conversations or events.

Identity confusion: Uncertainty about who you are, feeling like different people at different times.

Absorption: Getting so lost in thoughts or activities that you lose track of surroundings.

Automaticity: Going through motions without feeling present or engaged.

Dissociation as Protection

Dissociation develops for good reasons:

During abuse: When you can’t fight or flee, dissociation allows you to psychologically escape. The pain becomes distant, manageable.

Preserving function: By disconnecting from overwhelming emotions, you can continue functioning—going to work, caring for children.

Protecting identity: Dissociation can compartmentalise traumatic experiences, keeping them from overwhelming your sense of self.

Managing contradiction: When someone who “loves” you is hurting you, dissociation helps manage the cognitive dissonance.

Dissociation in Narcissistic Abuse

Specific aspects of narcissistic abuse promote dissociation:

Gaslighting: When your reality is constantly contradicted, disconnecting from your perceptions becomes protective.

Chronic stress: Ongoing threat activates survival responses, including dissociation.

Inescapability: Feeling trapped triggers dissociative escape.

Intermittent abuse: The unpredictability creates a need to disconnect from constant threat assessment.

Emotional whiplash: Rapid shifts between idealization and devaluation are easier to survive disconnected.

Signs You May Be Dissociating

• Feeling “spaced out” or foggy
• Difficulty remembering conversations or events
• Feeling like time moves strangely—too fast or too slow
• Looking in the mirror and not recognising yourself
• Feeling like you’re watching your life happen to someone else
• Going through days on “autopilot” without feeling present
• Feeling numb when you should feel emotional
• Finding yourself somewhere without remembering how you got there
• Feeling like the world isn’t quite real

The Cost of Chronic Dissociation

While dissociation is protective in the short term, chronic dissociation creates problems:

Disconnection from self: Difficulty knowing what you feel, want, or need.

Memory fragmentation: Important experiences aren’t properly consolidated.

Relationship difficulties: Hard to connect with others when disconnected from yourself.

Missed warning signs: Dissociating during abuse means you may not fully register danger.

Delayed processing: Trauma stored dissociatively may emerge later in overwhelming ways.

Quality of life: Life feels muted, distant, less real.

Grounding Techniques

When you notice dissociation:

5-4-3-2-1: Name 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 you can touch, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.

Temperature: Hold ice, splash cold water on your face, or drink something cold.

Movement: Stamp your feet, squeeze your muscles, do jumping jacks.

Breathing: Slow, deep breaths focusing on the sensation.

Orientation: Say your name, the date, where you are, and that you’re safe.

Texture: Touch varied textures—rough, smooth, soft, hard.

Strong scent: Essential oils, coffee, peppermint.

Healing from Dissociation

Safety first: Dissociation often decreases when you’re actually safe.

Trauma therapy: EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, and other approaches help process stored trauma.

Building body awareness: Practices like yoga can reconnect you to physical experience.

Gradual exposure: Slowly increasing tolerance for being present.

Self-compassion: Dissociation protected you. Thank it, then learn you don’t need it anymore.

Consistent grounding practice: Daily practice strengthens the ability to stay present.

When to Seek Help

Seek professional support if you experience:

• Significant memory gaps
• Feeling like different people
• Dissociation that interferes with work or relationships
• Inability to ground yourself
• Severe depersonalization or derealization
• Dissociation triggered by everyday events

A trauma-informed therapist can help you process underlying trauma and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Research & Statistics

• 73% of individuals exposed to trauma will experience some dissociative symptoms (van der Kolk, 2014)
• Dissociative symptoms occur in up to 30% of the general population at mild levels, but rates reach 60-90% in trauma populations
• Children exposed to chronic abuse are 5-10 times more likely to develop dissociative disorders than non-abused children (Putnam, 1997)
• Research shows dissociation correlates with elevated cortisol variability and altered HPA axis functioning
• EMDR and trauma-focused CBT show 70-80% effectiveness in reducing dissociative symptoms over 12-16 sessions
• Studies indicate that emotional abuse predicts dissociation more strongly than physical abuse alone (Briere & Runtz, 1990)
• Brain imaging reveals that during dissociation, prefrontal activity decreases by 25-40% while limbic activity remains elevated

A Message to Survivors

Your dissociation isn’t weakness or craziness—it’s evidence that your brain protected you when you needed protection. The fact that you’re reading this suggests you’re moving toward safety and healing. As you become safer, you can learn to stay present, integrate your experiences, and fully inhabit your life again.