Glossary

The profound fear or experience of being left, rejected, or deserted—often exploited by narcissists and heightened in survivors.

Potentially traumatic events occurring before age 18—including abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction—with documented long-term effects on health and wellbeing.

The ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences in healthy ways—often impaired in both narcissists and their victims.

Difficulty identifying, describing, and processing one's own emotions—often present in narcissists and sometimes developed by abuse survivors.

The brain's emotional processing center that governs fear responses and threat detection, often hyperactive in both narcissists and their victims.

A brain region crucial for self-awareness, empathy, and processing emotions—showing reduced activity in narcissists when processing others' suffering.

A personality disorder characterized by persistent disregard for and violation of others' rights, deceit, impulsivity, aggression, and lack of remorse. Part of the Cluster B disorders alongside NPD, with significant overlap in traits.

A core NPD criterion describing haughty, condescending behaviors and attitudes. Narcissistic arrogance is the outward expression of grandiosity—treating others as inferior, dismissing their views, and expecting deference to their perceived superiority.

The ability to express your needs, wants, feelings, and boundaries clearly and directly while respecting others. For abuse survivors, learning assertiveness is crucial—it means reclaiming your voice after it was silenced, suppressed, or punished by the abuser.

The deep emotional bond formed between individuals, shaped by early caregiving experiences and influencing how we relate to others throughout life.

Trauma that occurs within attachment relationships—particularly when caregivers who should provide safety are instead sources of fear, neglect, or abuse. Attachment trauma disrupts the fundamental capacity for trust, connection, and emotional regulation.

Your genuine identity—your true feelings, values, and needs—as opposed to the adaptive persona developed to survive narcissistic environments.

The part of the nervous system that controls involuntary bodily functions like heart rate, breathing, and digestion. In trauma, the ANS becomes dysregulated, keeping survivors stuck in states of hyperarousal (anxiety) or hypoarousal (numbness/shutdown).

Trauma that occurs when someone you depend on for survival or wellbeing violates your trust in a critical way.

A communication technique for responding to hostile or high-conflict messages: Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm.

A manipulation tactic where the narcissist redirects responsibility for their actions onto the victim. When confronted about harmful behavior, they twist the situation to make you the problem, avoiding accountability while putting you on the defensive.

A personality disorder characterized by emotional instability, intense fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, and identity disturbance. Often develops from childhood trauma and shares overlaps with narcissistic abuse effects.

Personal limits that define what behaviour you will and won't accept from others, essential for protecting yourself from narcissistic abuse.

A cognitive symptom common in abuse survivors characterized by difficulty thinking clearly, concentrating, remembering, and making decisions. Brain fog results from chronic stress, trauma, sleep disruption, and the mental exhaustion of surviving abuse. It's not weakness—it's a neurological response to overwhelming circumstances.

A manipulation tactic of giving just enough attention, affection, or hope to keep someone interested without any intention of real commitment. Like Hansel and Gretel following breadcrumbs, the victim follows tiny morsels of connection that lead nowhere—kept hooked but never satisfied.

A boundary-setting technique where you calmly repeat the same response regardless of how the other person argues, pleads, manipulates, or escalates. Like a broken record that keeps playing the same line, you maintain your position without engaging in their attempts to change your mind.

A brain network responsible for goal-directed behavior, decision-making, working memory, and cognitive control. Chronic stress from trauma can impair this network's function, contributing to difficulties with focus, planning, and emotional regulation.

A supportive network of people intentionally chosen for emotional intimacy and support, often replacing or supplementing biological family for abuse survivors.

The resolution or sense of completion sought after significant events or relationships—often unattainable with narcissists but achievable through internal work.

A group of personality disorders characterised by dramatic, emotional, or erratic behaviour—including narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, and antisocial personalities.

The challenging process of sharing parental responsibilities with a narcissistic ex-partner. Because narcissists use children as extensions of themselves and weapons against the other parent, traditional cooperative co-parenting often fails, requiring modified approaches like parallel parenting.

A relational pattern characterised by excessive emotional reliance on another person, often at the expense of one's own needs, identity, and wellbeing.

A pattern of controlling behaviour that seeks to take away a person's liberty and autonomy through intimidation, isolation, degradation, and monitoring.

The psychological discomfort of holding two contradictory beliefs simultaneously—common in abuse when the person harming you is also someone you love.

The ability to understand another person's perspective and mental state intellectually, without necessarily feeling their emotions. Narcissists often have intact cognitive empathy while lacking emotional empathy.

A therapeutic technique for identifying and changing negative thought patterns and beliefs—essential for challenging internalised messages from narcissistic abuse.

Excessive investment in a group's (nation, political party, religious group) positive image, coupled with hypersensitivity to perceived threats to that image. Unlike healthy group pride, collective narcissism involves insecurity, hostility toward outgroups, and defensive aggression.

A trauma disorder resulting from prolonged, repeated trauma, characterised by PTSD symptoms plus difficulties with emotional regulation, self-perception, and relationships.

Trauma resulting from repeated, prolonged traumatic experiences, usually involving interpersonal violation, especially during developmental periods. Unlike single-incident trauma, complex trauma profoundly affects identity, relationships, emotional regulation, and worldview.

Love that is dependent on meeting certain conditions—performance, compliance, achievement, or serving the other's needs. A hallmark of narcissistic parenting that teaches children they must earn love rather than receiving it unconditionally.

Narcissistic behavior patterns manifesting in organizational settings—including narcissistic leadership, toxic workplace cultures, and institutional dynamics that mirror interpersonal narcissistic abuse.

A therapeutic concept describing new relational experiences that challenge and revise harmful beliefs formed through earlier relationships. These experiences demonstrate that relationships can be safe, consistent, and nurturing—different from what trauma taught.

The body's primary stress hormone, chronically elevated during narcissistic abuse, causing widespread damage to brain structure and bodily health.

Abuse that is hidden, subtle, and difficult to identify—including emotional manipulation, psychological control, and behaviors that leave no visible evidence. Covert abuse is often unrecognized by outsiders and sometimes even by victims themselves.

A subtype of narcissism characterised by hidden grandiosity, hypersensitivity, chronic victimhood, and passive-aggressive manipulation rather than overt arrogance.

A pattern of deliberate or unconscious behaviors designed to make the victim doubt their own sanity, perception, and reality. Crazymaking includes gaslighting, contradictory communication, denial, and other tactics that leave victims feeling confused, unstable, and 'crazy.'

The presence of narcissistic values and traits at a societal level—including excessive individualism, obsession with image and status, diminished empathy, and entitlement. A cultural context that may foster and reward individual narcissism.

The repeating pattern of abuse consisting of phases: tension building, explosion/acute abuse, reconciliation/honeymoon, and calm. Understanding the cycle helps survivors recognize that the 'good times' are part of the pattern, not proof that the abuser has changed.

A constellation of three overlapping but distinct personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. These traits are associated with manipulation, exploitation, and harmful interpersonal behavior.

Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender—a manipulation pattern where abusers deny abuse, attack the accuser, and claim to be the real victim.

A brain network active during self-referential thinking and introspection, showing abnormal connectivity in narcissists that may explain their self-focused processing.

A psychological defence that involves refusing to acknowledge reality—used by abusers to avoid accountability and by victims to cope with unbearable situations.

A dissociative experience of feeling detached from yourself, your body, or your own thoughts and actions—as if watching yourself from outside.

A dissociative experience where the external world feels unreal, dreamlike, or unfamiliar—often a protective response to overwhelming trauma.

The process of separating your emotional wellbeing from another person's behavior, choices, and problems. Detachment means caring about someone without being controlled by their actions—releasing the need to fix, change, or be responsible for them while maintaining your own peace.

The phase in narcissistic relationships where the victim is criticised, belittled, and degraded after the initial idealization period ends.

Trauma that occurs during critical periods of childhood development, disrupting the formation of identity, attachment, emotional regulation, and sense of safety. Distinct from single-event trauma in its pervasive effects on the developing self.

An evidence-based therapy developed by Marsha Linehan combining cognitive-behavioral techniques with mindfulness and acceptance. Highly effective for emotional dysregulation, BPD, and trauma—skills are valuable for narcissistic abuse survivors.

The use of technology, social media, and digital devices to stalk, harass, control, humiliate, or manipulate someone. Digital abuse includes monitoring devices, controlling online presence, sharing intimate images without consent, harassment through technology, and using tech to extend control.

The final phase of the narcissistic abuse cycle where the narcissist abruptly abandons or replaces their victim after extracting sufficient supply, often without warning or explanation.

An attachment style characterized by contradictory behaviors and fear of the attachment figure. Develops when caregivers are both the source of safety and the source of fear—common in children of abusive or severely narcissistic parents.

A psychological disconnection from one's thoughts, feelings, surroundings, or sense of identity—a common trauma response to overwhelming narcissistic abuse.

The systematic recording of abusive incidents, communications, and evidence—crucial for legal proceedings, maintaining clarity, and validating your experience.

A pattern of abusive behaviour in intimate relationships used to gain or maintain power and control over a partner, including physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, and financial abuse.

A neurotransmitter associated with reward, motivation, and pleasure—hijacked in narcissistic relationships through intermittent reinforcement creating addiction-like attachment.

A communication pattern where someone receives contradictory messages, making any response wrong. In narcissistic abuse, double binds trap victims in impossible situations where compliance and non-compliance both result in punishment.

A secure attachment style developed through healing work and healthy relationships in adulthood, rather than being formed in childhood. It demonstrates that insecure attachment patterns can be changed.

A psychoanalytic concept referring to the internalized image of who we should be—our ideal self formed from parental expectations, values, and aspirations. In narcissism, the ego ideal is often grandiose and serves as a defense against feelings of inadequacy.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing—a trauma therapy that uses bilateral stimulation to help process and integrate traumatic memories.

Difficulty managing emotional responses—experiencing emotions as overwhelming, having trouble calming down, or oscillating between emotional flooding and numbing. A core feature of trauma responses and certain personality disorders.

The capacity to actually feel what another person is feeling—to share their emotional experience. This is the component of empathy that narcissists characteristically lack.

A sudden regression to overwhelming emotions from past trauma, often without visual memories, experienced as intense feelings of helplessness, shame, or fear.

An intense emotional state where feelings become so overwhelming that rational thinking, communication, and self-regulation become impossible. For trauma survivors, flooding can be triggered suddenly, making it crucial to recognize warning signs and develop strategies for returning to calm.

A form of covert abuse where a parent treats a child as an emotional spouse or partner, burdening them with adult emotional needs while crossing boundaries of appropriate parent-child relating. Also called 'covert incest' or 'enmeshment abuse.'

The capacity to understand and share another person's feelings, comprising both cognitive (understanding) and affective (feeling) components—often impaired in narcissism.

A reduced capacity to understand and share the feelings of others. In narcissism, the deficit is primarily in emotional empathy—the ability to actually feel others' emotions—while cognitive empathy (understanding emotions) may remain intact.

The process of reclaiming personal power, autonomy, and agency after abuse has stripped them away. Empowerment means moving from victim to survivor to thriver—recognizing that while you couldn't control the abuse, you can control your healing and your future.

Someone who facilitates a narcissist's abusive behaviour by making excuses, covering up, or failing to hold them accountable.

An unhealthy family dynamic where boundaries between individuals are blurred, resulting in over-involvement, lack of individual identity, and difficulty separating.

The narcissist's belief that they deserve special treatment, privileges, and exemption from rules that apply to others.

A core NPD criterion with two components: being envious of others' success, possessions, or qualities, AND believing that others are envious of them. Narcissistic envy is intense and often triggers devaluation, sabotage, or rage.

The systematic collection and preservation of proof of abuse for potential legal, custody, or protective order proceedings. Documentation includes written records, screenshots, photos, recordings, and witness information—creating a record that supports your account when your word isn't enough.

Using others for personal gain without regard for their wellbeing, a core trait of narcissism where relationships are transactional and people are viewed as resources.

A temporary intensification of unwanted behaviour when that behaviour stops being reinforced—expect escalation when you stop giving a narcissist what they want.

An apology that appears remorseful on the surface but actually deflects responsibility, blames the victim, or minimizes harm. Narcissists use fake apologies to end conflicts without genuine accountability, leaving victims feeling gaslit and confused about whether they received an actual apology.

A defensive psychological construct that narcissists create to protect themselves from shame and project an image of perfection, superiority, and invulnerability.

Rigid, dysfunctional roles that children adopt in narcissistic or dysfunctional families to survive. Common roles include the golden child, scapegoat, lost child, mascot, and caretaker. These roles protect the child but limit authentic development and persist into adulthood.

A dysfunctional family pattern where one member is consistently blamed for family problems, targeted with criticism and rejection, and made to carry the family's collective shame. Common in narcissistic families where the scapegoat serves to protect the narcissist's image.

The understanding of family as an interconnected emotional unit where members' behaviors, roles, and patterns affect each other. In narcissistic families, the system organizes around the narcissist's needs, with members taking on complementary roles.

A trauma response characterised by people-pleasing, appeasement, and prioritising others' needs to avoid conflict or danger.

The body's survival responses to perceived threat, including confrontation, escape, immobilisation, and people-pleasing—all commonly triggered in narcissistic abuse.

A form of abuse involving control over a partner's financial resources, economic exploitation, or sabotage of financial stability. Financial abuse creates dependence, limits options for leaving, and maintains power through economic means.

People recruited by a narcissist to do their bidding, spread their narrative, gather information, or pressure their target, often unknowingly participating in abuse.

Making promises about the future with no intention of keeping them, used by narcissists to secure commitment and maintain hope in victims.

A manipulation tactic where the abuser systematically makes victims question their own reality, memory, and perceptions through denial, misdirection, and contradiction.

Abruptly ending a relationship by cutting off all communication without explanation. In narcissistic abuse, ghosting is often used as a discard tactic or punishment—leaving the victim confused, anxious, and desperate for closure that never comes.

A pre-packed emergency bag containing essentials for quick departure—a safety tool for those preparing to leave abusive situations.

The child in a narcissistic family system who is idealised, favoured, and treated as an extension of the narcissistic parent's ego.

A concept from pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott describing parenting that meets the child's needs adequately but not perfectly. The 'good enough' parent provides consistent care while allowing age-appropriate failures that help the child develop independence and resilience.

The classic presentation of narcissism characterised by overt arrogance, attention-seeking, dominance, and open displays of superiority and entitlement.

An inflated sense of self-importance, superiority, and special status. A core feature of narcissistic personality disorder, grandiosity manifests as exaggerated beliefs about one's talents, achievements, and entitlement to recognition and admiration.

A strategy for dealing with narcissists or other manipulative people by becoming as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible—like a gray rock. By refusing to provide emotional reactions or supply, you become less appealing as a target and reduce conflict.

A technique for dealing with narcissists by becoming emotionally uninteresting and unresponsive, starving them of the reactions they seek.

The natural emotional response to loss. In narcissistic abuse recovery, grief involves mourning multiple losses: the relationship, the person you thought they were, time lost, the self you were before, dreams of what could have been, and often your childhood.

An emotional response involving self-reproach for perceived wrongdoing. In abuse survivors, guilt is often misplaced—feeling guilty for the abuser's behavior, for leaving, for setting boundaries, or for their own normal human reactions to abuse. Distinguishing true guilt from false guilt is crucial for healing.

The ongoing process of recovering from narcissistic abuse—not returning to who you were but becoming who you might be with integration, growth, and renewed capacity for life.

Normal, adaptive self-regard that includes reasonable self-esteem, appropriate self-interest, and the capacity for ambition without exploitation. Healthy narcissism differs from pathological narcissism in being balanced, realistic, and not at others' expense.

A dysfunctional family role where a child takes on excessive responsibility, becoming the achiever who tries to fix or redeem the family. The hero child learns their worth comes from performance and caretaking, often leading to burnout, perfectionism, and difficulty receiving care as adults.

A pattern of interpersonal behaviour characterised by all-or-nothing thinking, intense emotions, extreme behaviours, and a tendency to blame others, often overlapping with personality disorders.

The brain structure essential for memory formation and consolidation, often reduced in size by chronic stress and trauma from narcissistic abuse.

A Cluster B personality disorder characterized by excessive emotionality and attention-seeking behavior. People with HPD have an overwhelming desire to be noticed and may act dramatically or inappropriately to capture attention, often appearing charming but shallow.

The peaceful, loving period in the cycle of abuse following reconciliation, when the abuser is kind and the relationship feels good. The honeymoon phase is not the 'real' relationship emerging—it's part of how abuse cycles work to keep victims hopeful and attached.

A manipulation tactic where a narcissist attempts to suck a former victim back into a relationship through promises, apologies, threats, or manufactured crises.

A behaviour where narcissists maintain proximity or awareness without direct contact—staying in your orbit without full re-engagement, often as a precursor to hoovering.

The hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis—the body's central stress response system. Chronic activation from ongoing abuse or trauma can dysregulate this system, leading to lasting effects on stress hormones, mood, and physical health.

A state of excessive nervous system activation characterized by heightened alertness, anxiety, irritability, and difficulty relaxing. In trauma survivors, hyperarousal means the nervous system stays stuck 'on'—as if danger is always present, even when it's not.

A state of heightened alertness and constant scanning for threat, common in abuse survivors, keeping the nervous system in chronic activation.

A state of nervous system under-activation characterized by numbness, fatigue, disconnection, and feeling 'shut down.' In trauma survivors, hypoarousal represents the dorsal vagal freeze response—when the nervous system, overwhelmed by threat, goes into energy-conservation mode.

A psychological defence where someone is perceived as perfect, all-good, and without flaws—the first phase of the narcissistic abuse cycle.

The three-phase pattern of narcissistic relationships: intense initial idealization (love bombing), gradual or sudden devaluation (criticism and withdrawal), and eventual discarding when the victim no longer serves the narcissist's needs.

A poorly integrated or unstable sense of self, characterized by confusion about who you are, what you value, and what you want. Common in personality disorders and in survivors of narcissistic abuse who were never allowed to develop autonomous identities.

A protective communication strategy where you deliberately limit the personal information you share with a narcissist. By keeping them on an 'information diet,' you reduce the ammunition they can use against you and maintain greater control over your life.

A psychological concept representing the childlike aspect of the psyche that retains feelings, memories, and experiences from childhood. In recovery from narcissistic abuse, inner child work involves healing the wounded parts that developed during childhood trauma.

An internalised harsh voice of self-criticism, often developed from abusive relationships, that attacks your worth, decisions, and actions.

The transmission of trauma effects from one generation to the next, including patterns of narcissistic abuse that repeat in families across generations.

An unpredictable pattern of rewards and punishments that creates powerful psychological dependency, making abusive relationships extremely difficult to leave.

The sense of the internal state of the body—awareness of sensations like heartbeat, hunger, temperature, pain, and emotional feelings in the body. Trauma can disrupt interoception, making it difficult to recognize needs, emotions, and body signals.

A core NPD criterion describing the pattern of taking advantage of others to achieve one's own ends. Narcissists view relationships instrumentally—people exist to serve their needs, provide supply, and advance their goals.

The ability to understand or know something immediately without conscious reasoning. In abuse recovery, rebuilding trust in intuition is crucial—survivors often had their gut feelings systematically dismissed through gaslighting and manipulation.

A control tactic where the abuser systematically separates the victim from friends, family, and support systems, increasing dependence and vulnerability.

The often-unfulfilled desire for narcissists to face consequences, be exposed, or acknowledge their harm—and finding peace without it.

A core diagnostic criterion for NPD—the unwillingness or inability to recognize and respond to the feelings and needs of others. This isn't simply insensitivity but a fundamental deficit in connecting with others' emotional experiences.

A psychological state where repeated exposure to uncontrollable events leads to passive acceptance and belief that escape is impossible.

A small brainstem nucleus that is the brain's primary source of norepinephrine. It functions as the brain's alarm system, regulating alertness and the stress response. Chronic trauma can cause this system to become hyperactive, contributing to persistent hypervigilance.

The erosion of personal identity that occurs through narcissistic abuse, where the survivor's sense of who they are—their preferences, opinions, goals, and authentic self—becomes lost, suppressed, or absorbed into serving the narcissist. Recovery involves the profound work of rediscovering or reconstructing the self.

A dysfunctional family role where the child fades into the background, avoiding attention and conflict by becoming invisible. The lost child survives by requiring nothing, but grows up feeling unseen, disconnected, and struggling with deep loneliness and difficulty connecting.

An overwhelming display of attention, affection, and adoration early in a relationship designed to create rapid emotional dependency and attachment.

A boundary strategy of minimising contact with a narcissist when complete no contact isn't possible, limiting interactions to essential matters only.

The belief that one's thoughts, wishes, or actions can influence external events in ways that defy causality. In abuse survivors, magical thinking often manifests as believing they could have prevented the abuse or can fix the abuser through sufficient love, compliance, or effort.

The most severe form of narcissism, combining NPD traits with antisocial behaviour, sadism, and paranoia—representing a dangerous intersection of personality pathology.

Psychological tactics used to influence someone's behaviour, emotions, or perceptions through deception, exploitation of vulnerabilities, or indirect means.

A dysfunctional family role where a child uses humor, silliness, or distraction to deflect from family tension and pain. The mascot learns to manage anxiety through making others laugh, but struggles to be taken seriously and may hide deep pain behind a comedic facade.

A communication technique for dealing with narcissists where you respond in a polite, somewhat friendly, but emotionally disengaged way. Unlike grey rock (which can seem cold), medium chill maintains surface pleasantness while refusing to engage emotionally or provide supply.

The capacity to understand behavior—in ourselves and others—in terms of underlying mental states like thoughts, feelings, desires, and intentions. Narcissists show deficits in this crucial social-emotional skill.

A psychotherapy developed by Peter Fonagy and Anthony Bateman that focuses on strengthening the capacity to understand behavior in terms of mental states. Originally developed for borderline personality disorder, it's effective for attachment-related issues.

Downplaying the severity or impact of abuse, either by the abuser to deflect accountability or by victims as a coping mechanism.

Brain cells that activate both when performing an action and when observing others perform it—implicated in empathy and potentially impaired in narcissism.

When a narcissist reflects back your interests, values, and personality during love bombing, creating the illusion of a perfect match and deep connection.

A manipulation tactic where criteria for success or acceptance are constantly changed, ensuring the target can never meet expectations.

A personality trait characterized by grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. Exists on a spectrum from healthy self-regard to pathological narcissistic personality disorder. Named after the Greek myth of Narcissus, who fell in love with his own reflection.

A pattern of psychological manipulation and emotional harm perpetrated by individuals with narcissistic traits, including gaslighting, devaluation, control, and exploitation.

A constellation of psychological and physical symptoms experienced by survivors of prolonged narcissistic abuse, including anxiety, depression, hypervigilance, cognitive difficulties, and trauma responses similar to Complex PTSD.

A severe breakdown of the narcissist's false self defences, exposing the shame and emptiness beneath, often triggered by major life failures or loss of supply.

The psychological mechanisms narcissists use to protect their fragile self-esteem and grandiose self-image from threatening information. These defenses include denial, projection, splitting, rationalization, and devaluation.

A perceived threat to a narcissist's self-image that triggers disproportionate emotional reactions including rage, shame, humiliation, or withdrawal.

A parenting style characterized by treating children as extensions of the parent rather than separate individuals, conditional love, emotional neglect, control, and using children for narcissistic supply rather than nurturing their development.

A mental health condition characterised by an inflated sense of self-importance, need for excessive admiration, and lack of empathy for others.

An explosive or cold, calculated anger response triggered when a narcissist experiences injury to their self-image, far exceeding what the situation warrants.

The attention, admiration, emotional reactions, and validation that narcissists require from others to maintain their fragile sense of self-worth.

A core feature of narcissistic personality disorder characterized by an excessive, insatiable need for praise, recognition, and validation from others. This need drives much of the narcissist's behavior and is essential for maintaining their fragile self-esteem.

The brain's ability to change and reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. This capacity underlies both trauma's damage and healing's possibility—the brain shaped by abuse can be reshaped through recovery.

The nervous system's unconscious detection of safety and danger—a term coined by Stephen Porges. Neuroception operates below awareness, constantly scanning for threat cues. In trauma survivors, neuroception often becomes miscalibrated, detecting danger where none exists or missing actual threats.

The brain's ability to reorganise itself by forming new neural connections—the foundation of both trauma damage and trauma recovery.

A strategy of completely eliminating all communication and interaction with a narcissist to protect mental health and enable recovery from abuse.

A neurotransmitter and stress hormone involved in the fight-or-flight response, alertness, and arousal. Chronic activation from ongoing threat (like narcissistic abuse) can dysregulate this system, contributing to hypervigilance, anxiety, and difficulty relaxing.

A communication strategy of providing zero emotional reaction or engagement—even more neutral than grey rock, treating the narcissist as if they barely exist.

The psychological ability to maintain a stable, positive connection to someone even when frustrated, separated, or in conflict with them—often impaired in narcissism.

The classic, recognizable form of narcissism characterized by obvious grandiosity, arrogance, need for attention, and sense of superiority. Overt narcissists openly display their inflated self-image and expect others to admire and defer to them.

The 'bonding hormone' released during intimacy and connection—manipulated in narcissistic relationships to create attachment despite abuse.

A parenting arrangement for high-conflict situations where parents disengage from each other while maintaining separate relationships with their children.

A pattern of behavior where one parent systematically damages the child's relationship with the other parent through manipulation, denigration, and interference. Common in high-conflict divorces involving narcissists, it uses children as weapons in ongoing abuse.

When a child is forced to take on adult responsibilities or roles—particularly emotional caretaking of a parent—reversing the appropriate parent-child relationship.

Indirect expression of hostility through subtle behaviors like backhanded compliments, deliberate inefficiency, sulking, and covert sabotage. Narcissists often use passive aggression to express anger while maintaining deniability—allowing them to harm while claiming innocence.

A pattern of prioritising others' needs and approval over your own, often developed in narcissistic family systems as survival behaviour.

The manifestation of narcissistic personality traits and dynamics in political leaders and movements. Characterized by grandiosity, need for adulation, exploitation, lack of empathy, and intolerance of criticism—applied to gaining and maintaining political power.

A neurobiological theory developed by Stephen Porges explaining how the autonomic nervous system regulates social engagement, fight-or-flight, and shutdown responses. Essential for understanding trauma responses and why abuse survivors may freeze, dissociate, or struggle with connection.

Abuse that continues or intensifies after the victim leaves the relationship. Narcissists often escalate control tactics, stalking, legal abuse, financial manipulation, and harassment when they lose direct access to their victim.

Positive psychological change experienced as a result of the struggle with highly challenging circumstances—finding meaning, strength, and transformation through adversity.

The brain region behind the forehead governing executive functions, impulse control, and emotional regulation—often structurally or functionally different in narcissists.

Different sources of narcissistic supply—primary sources provide consistent, reliable validation while secondary sources serve as backup, variety, or supplements.

A psychological defence mechanism where narcissists attribute their own unacceptable thoughts, feelings, or behaviours to others.

A defense mechanism where one person projects unwanted parts of themselves onto another, then manipulates the other to behave in accordance with the projection. Common in narcissistic dynamics where victims come to feel the narcissist's disowned shame and inadequacy.

Elements that buffer against trauma's effects and support recovery—including safe relationships, coping skills, social support, and internal resources.

A DBT concept involving fully accepting reality as it is, without judgment or resistance. In narcissistic abuse recovery, radical acceptance means accepting what happened without approving of it—acknowledging truth to enable healing and moving forward.

A defence mechanism of creating logical-sounding explanations to justify behaviours or situations that would otherwise be unacceptable.

When a victim of prolonged abuse finally reacts—yelling, crying, fighting back, or behaving 'badly'—and the abuser uses this reaction as proof that the victim is actually the abuser. The victim's understandable response to sustained mistreatment is weaponized against them.

The practice of checking your perceptions against external evidence to counter gaslighting's effects and rebuild trust in your own experience.

The process of learning or relearning to set healthy limits after narcissistic abuse has eroded your ability to recognise and assert your needs.

Early warning signs that someone may be narcissistic, abusive, or harmful. Learning to recognize red flags helps survivors protect themselves from future abuse and make informed decisions about relationships.

The capacity to understand behavior in terms of mental states—thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and desires—both in oneself and others. A key indicator of attachment security and mentalization ability, often impaired by narcissistic parenting.

The process of giving yourself the emotional nurturing, guidance, and care you didn't receive as a child. Reparenting involves developing an internal 'good parent' voice and meeting your own developmental needs that went unmet.

The capacity to recover from adversity, adapt to challenges, and maintain or regain mental health despite difficult circumstances. Not an innate trait but a dynamic process influenced by relationships, resources, and learned skills.

A legal order issued by a court that requires one person to stay away from and/or stop contacting another person. Restraining orders can provide legal protection for abuse survivors, though enforcement varies and they are not a complete guarantee of safety.

The brain's network for processing pleasure, motivation, and reinforcement—hijacked in narcissistic abuse through intermittent reinforcement.

A boundary violation in which children are made to meet parental emotional, practical, or relational needs that should flow the other way. The child becomes the caretaker and the parent becomes the cared-for, disrupting healthy development.

Repetitive, circular thinking about past events or problems without resolution—common after narcissistic abuse and a significant obstacle to healing.

The natural pattern of disconnection and reconnection in healthy relationships. When ruptures (misunderstandings, conflicts, empathic failures) are followed by genuine repair, trust deepens and the relationship becomes more secure.

A personalized, practical strategy for leaving an abusive relationship safely or protecting yourself if you must stay. Safety planning addresses immediate safety, documentation, resources, and steps for leaving—recognizing that leaving is often the most dangerous time.

A brain network that detects and filters important stimuli, determining what deserves attention. In trauma survivors, this network often becomes hyperactive, causing the brain to flag too many things as important or threatening, contributing to hypervigilance and difficulty focusing.

The child in a narcissistic family system who is blamed, devalued, and made responsible for the family's dysfunction and the narcissist's negative emotions.

An integrative therapy developed by Jeffrey Young that addresses deep-rooted patterns (schemas) developed in childhood. Particularly effective for personality disorders and chronic issues where early maladaptive schemas—formed through unmet emotional needs—continue to shape adult life.

Trauma symptoms that develop from close contact with someone who has experienced trauma. Common in supporters of abuse survivors, therapists, and others who witness or hear about traumatic experiences. Also called vicarious trauma or secondary traumatic stress.

An attachment style characterized by comfort with intimacy, trust in relationships, and ability to depend on others while maintaining healthy independence. Develops from consistent, responsive caregiving in childhood—or can be earned through healing.

The tendency of abuse survivors to hold themselves responsible for the abuse they experienced. Self-blame is often a result of gaslighting, manipulation, and the human need to believe we have control—but the abuse was never your fault.

Intentional practices that maintain and restore physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing—often neglected during abuse and essential for recovery.

Treating yourself with the same kindness, care, and understanding you would offer a good friend—essential for healing from narcissistic abuse.

The process of releasing self-blame, judgment, and punishment for perceived mistakes, choices, or shortcomings related to the abuse. Self-forgiveness means accepting your humanity, understanding your context, and freeing yourself from the prison of endless self-criticism.

The ability to manage one's emotions, thoughts, and behaviors effectively. Developed through healthy early relationships, self-regulation allows adaptive responses to stress. Trauma and narcissistic abuse often impair this capacity, leaving survivors struggling to manage emotional states.

The internal sense of being worthy of love, respect, and good treatment—often damaged by narcissistic abuse and central to recovery.

A core NPD criterion characterized by unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment and automatic compliance with one's expectations. The narcissist believes rules apply to others, not them, and that their needs should take priority.

A neurotransmitter that regulates mood, sleep, appetite, and social behavior. Low serotonin is associated with depression and anxiety. Chronic stress from narcissistic abuse can disrupt serotonin systems, contributing to mood disorders.

A painful emotion involving feelings of being fundamentally flawed, unworthy, or defective—weaponised by narcissists and central to trauma recovery.

A form of emotional abuse where someone refuses to communicate, acknowledge, or respond to another person as punishment or control.

A coordinated effort by a narcissist to destroy someone's reputation through lies, half-truths, and manipulation of mutual contacts.

A body-based trauma therapy that works with physical sensations to release trapped survival energy and restore nervous system regulation.

Physical symptoms that have psychological roots or are significantly influenced by emotional states. Trauma survivors often experience somatic symptoms—chronic pain, digestive issues, fatigue—as the body holds what the mind cannot fully process. The body keeps the score.

The use of religion, spirituality, or faith beliefs to control, manipulate, or harm someone. Spiritual abuse can involve using religious texts to justify abuse, claiming divine authority, controlling through guilt and shame, or isolating victims within religious communities.

A psychological defence mechanism involving all-or-nothing thinking where people or situations are seen as entirely good or entirely bad, with no middle ground.

A pattern of repeated, unwanted attention and contact that causes fear—often escalating after leaving a narcissistic relationship.

Refusing to communicate or engage, shutting down conversation and connection as a form of control or avoidance in relationships.

A strategy of systematically reducing or eliminating the emotional reactions, attention, and engagement that provide narcissistic supply.

Groups of people with shared experiences who come together for mutual support, understanding, and healing. For abuse survivors, support groups provide validation, reduce isolation, offer practical wisdom, and remind you that you're not alone—others understand because they've been there.

A person who has experienced and emerged from narcissistic abuse—a term emphasising resilience, agency, and the journey toward healing.

The first phase of the abuse cycle when stress increases, minor incidents occur, and the victim senses an explosion coming. During tension building, victims walk on eggshells, trying to prevent the inevitable—but the escalation toward abuse is already in motion.

The cognitive ability to understand that others have mental states—beliefs, desires, intentions, and perspectives—different from one's own. A foundational capacity for empathy and social interaction that develops in childhood and may be impaired in narcissistic personality disorder.

The collaborative bond between therapist and client characterized by trust, mutual respect, and agreement on therapy goals. Research shows it's one of the strongest predictors of positive therapy outcomes, especially for survivors of relational trauma.

The pressure to maintain a positive attitude regardless of circumstances, dismissing legitimate negative emotions and invalidating genuine experiences of pain.

Chronic, pervasive shame that becomes part of identity—feeling fundamentally defective rather than having made a mistake.

An evidence-based psychodynamic treatment for personality disorders that uses the patient's relationships patterns as they emerge with the therapist (transference) to understand and change deep-seated interpersonal patterns.

A powerful emotional attachment formed between an abuse victim and their abuser through cycles of intermittent abuse and positive reinforcement.

The automatic, survival-driven reactions that occur when the brain perceives threat. Beyond fight-or-flight, trauma responses include freeze, fawn (people-please), dissociation, and other protective mechanisms. These responses are adaptive but can become problematic when chronically activated.

An approach to treatment that recognizes the widespread impact of trauma, understands paths to recovery, recognizes trauma signs and symptoms, integrates trauma knowledge into practice, and actively avoids re-traumatization.

A manipulation tactic where a third party is introduced into a relationship dynamic to create jealousy, competition, or to validate the narcissist's position.

A stimulus—sensory, emotional, or situational—that activates trauma responses by reminding the nervous system of past danger.

The persistent difficulty trusting others that develops after betrayal, abuse, or repeated harm. Survivors often struggle to trust new people, their own judgment, and sometimes even themselves. Trust issues are a protective response to having trust violated—not a character flaw.

The longest cranial nerve, connecting brain to heart, lungs, and gut. The vagus nerve is central to stress regulation, the mind-body connection, and trauma responses. Practices that stimulate the vagus nerve can help survivors regulate their nervous system and reduce anxiety.

The acknowledgment and acceptance of someone's thoughts, feelings, and experiences as legitimate and understandable—often withheld by narcissists and crucial for recovery.

A subtype of narcissism characterised by hypersensitivity, feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and shame-based grandiosity masked by victimhood.

The chronic state of hypervigilance and self-censorship that comes from living with an unpredictable, volatile person. Survivors constantly monitor their words, actions, and even facial expressions to avoid triggering the narcissist's anger, criticism, or punishment.

'What's In It For Me'—the narcissist's constant internal calculation, revealing that they relate to everything and everyone based on personal benefit.

The optimal zone of nervous system arousal where a person can function effectively—trauma narrows this window, and recovery expands it.

A manipulation tactic where the narcissist deliberately withholds something the victim needs—affection, communication, information, sex, money, or emotional presence—as a form of control or punishment. Withholding trains victims to comply to avoid the painful withdrawal.

A confusing mixture of seemingly random, incoherent, or circular statements used by narcissists to disorient, deflect, and avoid accountability.

Collective psychological aggression against a targeted employee, often orchestrated by a narcissistic leader or enabled by organizational dysfunction. Involves coordinated harassment, isolation, and reputation destruction.