Sense of Entitlement

What is Sense of Entitlement?

Sense of entitlement is one of the nine diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The DSM-5 describes it as “unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.”

In practice, entitlement means the narcissist believes:

• Rules that apply to others don’t apply to them
• Their needs should take priority over everyone else’s
• Others should automatically comply with their expectations
• They deserve the best, always
• Saying “no” to them is an affront

Entitlement is grandiosity in action—the belief in one’s specialness translated into expectations of special treatment.

How Entitlement Manifests

In Daily Life

• Cutting in lines or expecting to skip waits
• Treating service workers with contempt
• Taking the best seat, biggest portion, prime parking spot
• Expecting others to accommodate their schedule
• Becoming irritated by minor inconveniences
• Acting as if their time is more valuable

In Relationships

• Expecting partners to be available on demand
• Their needs always come first
• Rage when partner has competing priorities
• Expecting to be served, attended to, catered to
• Partner’s career, friends, family are obstacles
• Your role is to facilitate their life

At Work

• Expecting promotions without earning them
• Delegating work while taking credit
• Believing they’re above certain tasks
• Resentful of colleagues’ success
• Expecting special exceptions to policies
• Treating subordinates as servants

With Boundaries

• “No” is an unacceptable answer
• Your boundaries are obstacles to overcome
• Persistent pushing, negotiating, demanding
• Punishing you for having limits
• Acting victimized by normal expectations
• Rules exist for others, not them

The Psychology Behind Entitlement

Grandiosity Made Practical

If narcissists truly believe they’re superior, entitlement follows logically. Special people deserve special treatment. Ordinary rules exist for ordinary people—which they are not.

The entitled attitude isn’t (in their mind) arrogance—it’s simply recognizing reality. Of course they shouldn’t wait in line. Of course their needs matter more. To them, this is obvious.

Defending Against Worthlessness

Beneath the grandiose surface, narcissism hides a fragile, often worthless-feeling self. Entitlement defends against this:

• Demanding special treatment proves they matter
• Others’ compliance validates their importance
• Being treated as ordinary threatens the defense
• Hence the rage when entitlement is challenged

Early Origins

Entitlement may develop from:

• Being treated as special in childhood (overindulgence)
• OR compensating for being treated as worthless (deprivation)
• Learning that demanding gets results
• Never learning that others have equal needs
• Modeling by entitled parents

Entitlement and Rage

The Connection

Narcissistic rage is closely linked to entitlement. When entitled expectations aren’t met:

• The narcissist feels slighted, disrespected
• This triggers narcissistic injury
• Injury triggers rage
• The rage seems disproportionate to the trigger

To observers, rage over being told “no” or having to wait seems absurd. To the narcissist, their entitlement has been violated—a serious offense.

Common Triggers

• Being told to wait
• Hearing “no”
• Not getting preferential treatment
• Others’ needs taking priority
• Rules being applied to them
• Not being recognized as special

Impact on Others

Partners

Living with narcissistic entitlement means:

• Your needs are always secondary
• Saying “no” has consequences
• You become an extension of their needs
• Resentment for ever putting yourself first
• Constant accommodation
• Walking on eggshells

Children

Growing up with an entitled parent:

• Learning your needs don’t matter
• Being parentified (serving the parent)
• Either inheriting entitlement or becoming excessively accommodating
• Never experiencing mutuality
• Confusion about normal expectations

Colleagues and Friends

• One-sided relationships
• Feeling used
• Their crises always take priority
• Expected to accommodate, never accommodated
• Exhausting to maintain connection

Entitlement vs. Healthy Self-Worth

Healthy Expectations

Everyone has reasonable entitlements:

• Basic respect and dignity
• Fair treatment
• Having your needs considered
• Boundaries being respected
• Reciprocity in relationships

These are reasonable expectations, not narcissistic entitlement.

Narcissistic Entitlement

Crosses into pathology when:

• Expectations far exceed what’s reasonable
• Your needs consistently override others’
• Rage follows unmet expectations
• No recognition of others’ equal rights
• Pervasive pattern, not occasional selfishness

Recognizing Entitlement

Red Flags

• How do they treat service workers?
• What happens when they don’t get their way?
• Do they expect special exceptions?
• Is reciprocity present in the relationship?
• Can they wait, share, accommodate?
• Do they recognize others’ needs as valid?

The Test of “No”

Watch what happens when you say no:

• Healthy response: disappointment, acceptance
• Entitled response: anger, manipulation, punishment, persistent pressure

The response to “no” reveals the underlying sense of entitlement.

Responding to Entitlement

Hold Boundaries

• Your “no” is valid
• You don’t need to justify
• Their anger is their problem
• Don’t comply to avoid conflict

Expect Resistance

• Entitled people don’t accept limits gracefully
• Expect pushback, manipulation, rage
• This doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong
• Stay consistent

Limit Exposure

• You can’t change their entitlement
• You can only control your response
• Sometimes distance is necessary
• Protect your resources and energy

Don’t Feed It

• Constant accommodation reinforces entitlement
• It never satisfies—demand increases
• What you tolerate will continue
• Setting limits is necessary even when hard

For Survivors

If you’ve lived with narcissistic entitlement:

• Your needs were never less important than theirs
• You weren’t selfish for wanting consideration
• Their rage at your boundaries was about them, not you
• You’re allowed to take up space
• Mutual relationships exist and you deserve them

Learning to recognize your own needs as valid—after years of having them dismissed—is part of recovery. You were conditioned to believe their needs mattered more. They didn’t. They don’t.