"Financial abuse is control by other means. The narcissist may earn more, spend more, hide more, and ultimately control more—ensuring their partner cannot afford to leave. Money becomes another cage, less visible than physical walls but equally confining."
What is Financial Abuse?
Financial abuse (also called economic abuse) is a form of domestic abuse that involves controlling, exploiting, or sabotaging a partner’s financial resources and economic independence. It creates dependence, limits options for leaving, and maintains power through economic means.
Financial abuse is often invisible—there are no bruises to show—but its impact can be as devastating as any other form of abuse. It traps victims economically, making leaving feel impossible.
Forms of Financial Abuse
Controlling Access to Money
- Demanding to know about every purchase
- Providing an “allowance” for basic needs
- Requiring receipts for all spending
- Questioning every financial decision
- Keeping partner from bank accounts
- Making partner ask for money
Preventing Employment
- Forbidding partner from working
- Sabotaging job interviews or work performance
- Creating scenes at partner’s workplace
- Refusing childcare that would enable work
- Moving frequently to disrupt career
- Making partner feel guilty for working
Exploiting Partner’s Resources
- Using partner’s money without permission
- Taking partner’s paycheck
- Opening accounts in partner’s name
- Running up debt on partner’s credit
- Stealing from partner
- Expecting partner to cover all expenses
Financial Sabotage
- Destroying partner’s credit
- Quitting jobs to avoid support
- Hiding income and assets
- Making major financial decisions without input
- Gambling away family money
- Creating unnecessary expenses
Creating Dependence
- Insisting partner stay home
- Controlling transportation
- Making partner completely financially dependent
- Ensuring partner has nothing of their own
- Creating a situation where leaving is unaffordable
Post-Separation Financial Abuse
- Hiding assets during divorce
- Refusing to pay support
- Using legal system to drain resources
- Destroying joint property
- Keeping partner tied up in court
- Financial harassment
Why Financial Abuse is So Effective
Creates Practical Barriers to Leaving
When you have no money, leaving means:
- No security deposit for housing
- No transportation
- No ability to support children
- No legal representation
- Nowhere to go
Establishes Dependence
Financial abuse ensures:
- You need them to survive
- Leaving means economic disaster
- Independence is impossible
- They hold all the power
Often Invisible
Financial abuse leaves no visible marks:
- Outsiders don’t see it
- It’s easily dismissed (“they’re just cheap”)
- Harder to prove than physical abuse
- May not be recognized as abuse
Maintains Control Without Violence
Money becomes the weapon:
- Compliance is purchased
- Resistance costs financially
- Control achieved through economics
- No physical evidence of abuse
Warning Signs
In Relationships
- You have to ask permission to spend
- You don’t know your household finances
- Your name is not on accounts
- You’re given an inadequate allowance
- Your spending is monitored and questioned
- You’re kept from working or advancing
- Your financial contributions are dismissed
- Debt is created in your name
Partner’s Behavior
- Controls all financial decisions
- Secretive about income and assets
- Uses money as reward or punishment
- Criticizes your spending while theirs is unlimited
- Takes your money or uses your credit
- Makes you feel guilty for financial needs
- Threatens to cut you off
- Uses money to make you stay
Your Situation
- You’re financially dependent with no way out
- You feel trapped economically
- You have no money of your own
- You don’t know your financial situation
- Your career has been disrupted
- Your credit has been damaged
- You can’t afford to leave
The Connection to Narcissism
Entitlement
Narcissists often feel entitled to:
- Control all money
- Have their spending be unrestricted
- Limit partner’s spending
- Access partner’s resources
- Make all financial decisions
Control
Financial control serves narcissistic need for:
- Power over partner
- Preventing independence
- Maintaining supply
- Ensuring partner can’t leave
- Dominating the relationship
Exploitation
Narcissists may:
- Use partner’s money freely
- Build their career while sabotaging partner’s
- Take credit for joint financial success
- Leave partner with debt
- See partner’s resources as theirs
Image Management
Money may be used for:
- Appearing successful
- Maintaining image while partner goes without
- Impressing others while neglecting family
- Showing off to the outside world
Protecting Yourself
If Still in the Relationship
- Know your household finances
- Have some money in your name only
- Build credit in your name
- Maintain employment if possible
- Document assets and income
- Copy important financial documents
- Build a secret safety fund if possible
Planning to Leave
- Work with a domestic violence advocate
- Consult a family law attorney
- Understand your financial rights
- Document everything
- Have a financial safety plan
- Know about emergency resources
After Leaving
- Separate all finances immediately
- Close joint accounts
- Freeze your credit
- Document continued financial abuse
- Work with an attorney on asset division
- Use legal protections available
Resources
- Domestic violence financial advocacy programs
- Legal aid for divorce/custody
- Emergency assistance programs
- Credit counseling
- Job training programs
- Housing assistance
The Long-Term Impact
During the Relationship
- Chronic stress about money
- Feeling trapped
- Loss of self-efficacy
- Inability to meet basic needs
- Damage to credit and financial history
- Career disruption
After Leaving
- Rebuilding financial stability
- Recovering from debt
- Re-entering workforce
- Establishing independent credit
- Financial aftermath of divorce
- Ongoing legal costs
Recovery
Recovery from financial abuse includes:
- Rebuilding financial literacy
- Establishing independence
- Healing from the trauma
- Learning to trust yourself financially
- Creating economic stability
For Survivors
If you’ve experienced financial abuse:
- It was real abuse, even without physical violence
- Being trapped financially wasn’t weakness
- You weren’t staying for money—you had no choice
- The economic control was deliberate
- You can rebuild financial independence
Financial abuse is designed to make leaving impossible. If you stayed longer than you wanted to because you couldn’t afford to go, that’s not a character flaw—it’s evidence of how effective the abuse was.
Your financial past doesn’t determine your financial future. Many survivors go on to build stable, independent economic lives. The control they had over your money doesn’t have to continue. Freedom includes financial freedom—and it’s achievable.
Frequently Asked Questions
Financial abuse is a pattern of controlling, exploiting, or sabotaging a partner's financial resources and economic stability. It includes controlling access to money, preventing employment, running up debt, hiding assets, and using economic means to create dependence and limit options.
Signs include: controlling all money and requiring accounting for spending, preventing partner from working, sabotaging employment, putting all debt in partner's name, hiding income and assets, giving 'allowance' to partner, making all financial decisions alone, and using money as reward/punishment.
Financial abuse aligns with narcissistic entitlement (their money matters, yours doesn't), control needs (money creates dependence), exploitation (using your resources), and post-separation tactics (hiding assets, refusing support). Many narcissists use money as a primary control mechanism.
Financial abuse often includes: preventing employment, sabotaging job opportunities, controlling transportation, damaging credit, creating legal and practical barriers, and ensuring the victim has no resources to leave. It's not about laziness—it's about systematic economic captivity.
Post-separation financial abuse includes: hiding assets during divorce, refusing to pay support, quitting jobs to avoid support orders, dragging out litigation to drain resources, damaging credit, and endless financial legal battles.
If possible: maintain some financial independence, keep money in your name, know your financial situation, build credit in your name, have a financial safety net, document assets and income, and work with a domestic violence advocate on financial safety planning.
