"Whether through practical barriers or psychological barriers such as trauma bonding and self-doubt, victims experience themselves as unable to escape. This sense of entrapment is itself traumatising."- From The Gaslit Self, Complex PTSD
What is Coercive Control?
Coercive control is a strategic pattern of behaviour that seeks to take away the victim’s liberty, autonomy, and sense of self. Unlike single incidents of abuse, coercive control is an ongoing process that entraps victims through a combination of tactics including isolation, degradation, exploitation, monitoring, and micro-regulation of daily life.
The term was coined by sociologist Evan Stark, who argued that coercive control—not individual violent incidents—is the essence of domestic abuse. This framework helps explain why victims stay, why they’re so profoundly affected, and why abuse can be devastating even without physical violence.
The Tactics of Coercive Control
Isolation: Cutting you off from friends, family, and support systems. May involve moving you away, monitoring communications, or creating conflict with your loved ones.
Monitoring and surveillance: Tracking your location, reading your messages, controlling social media, demanding constant check-ins.
Degradation: Systematic attacks on your self-worth through criticism, humiliation, and contempt.
Economic abuse: Controlling finances, preventing work, or sabotaging employment.
Micro-management: Dictating how you dress, eat, sleep, clean, parent—controlling trivial aspects of daily life.
Threats and intimidation: Explicit or implied threats to you, your children, pets, or reputation.
Using children: Weaponising custody, parenting decisions, or the children’s affections.
Gaslighting: Making you doubt your perceptions, memory, and sanity.
Rules and punishment: Arbitrary, changing rules with punishment for violations.
How Coercive Control Works
Coercive control operates through:
Creating dependence: Financial control, isolation, and undermined confidence make you dependent on your abuser.
Establishing dominance: Implicit and explicit messages that they’re in charge and you must comply.
Eliminating alternatives: Removing resources, relationships, and options that might allow escape.
Inducing fear: The threat of punishment—whether physical, emotional, or social—maintains compliance.
Rewarding compliance: Intermittent positive reinforcement for obedience keeps you hoping and trying.
Coercive Control vs. Individual Incidents
| Incident-Focused View | Coercive Control Framework |
|---|---|
| Focuses on physical violence | Includes non-physical tactics |
| Counts discrete events | Recognises ongoing pattern |
| Minimises non-violent control | Validates psychological impact |
| Wonders why victims don’t leave | Understands entrapment |
| Treats abuse as anger problem | Understands abuse as control strategy |
Signs of Coercive Control
In your relationship:
- Your partner monitors your communications and movements
- You’ve lost contact with friends and family
- You need permission for basic decisions
- You feel afraid but can’t point to specific violence
- Walking on eggshells is constant
- Your self-confidence has eroded
- You feel trapped but can’t explain why
In their behaviour:
- They make rules you didn’t agree to
- They control your access to money
- They criticise or humiliate you regularly
- They isolate you from support systems
- They track your location obsessively
- They tell you who you can and can’t see
- They make threats—explicit or implied
Legal Recognition
Coercive control is now illegal in several jurisdictions:
- UK: Criminal offence since 2015
- Scotland: Specific legislation since 2019
- Ireland: Criminal since 2019
- Australia: Various state laws
- US: Some states have specific statutes
This legal recognition reflects understanding that non-physical abuse can be just as harmful—and often more difficult to escape—than physical violence.
Narcissism and Coercive Control
Narcissists frequently engage in coercive control because:
- They need supply and control ensures access
- They experience your autonomy as threat
- They lack empathy for the impact of their behaviour
- They feel entitled to dictate your life
- Control provides narcissistic supply itself
The coercive control framework explains why narcissistic relationships feel so trapping even without obvious violence.
Escaping Coercive Control
Recognise the pattern: Naming what’s happening is the first step.
Document secretly: If safe, keep records of controlling behaviour.
Build covert support: Reconnect with trusted people without alerting your abuser.
Create an exit plan: Safely accumulate resources, documents, and options.
Contact specialist services: Domestic violence organisations understand coercive control.
Prioritise safety: The escape period is often the most dangerous. Get professional guidance.
Research & Statistics
- 60-80% of domestic abuse victims experience coercive control (Stark, 2007)
- Coercive control is more predictive of homicide than physical violence alone
- Victims of coercive control are 7x more likely to develop PTSD than those experiencing only physical abuse
- 95% of coercive control cases involve isolation tactics
- The UK reported 33,954 coercive control offences in 2020-2021 after criminalisation
- Children exposed to coercive control are 3x more likely to develop anxiety disorders
- Average duration of coercive control relationships: 7-10 years before victims successfully escape
- 76% of coercive control victims initially don’t identify their experience as abuse
Recovery from Coercive Control
After leaving:
- Expect grief: For the relationship, lost years, and the person you were
- Rebuild autonomy: Practice making decisions for yourself
- Reconnect: Restore relationships that were severed
- Address trauma: Coercive control causes C-PTSD; seek trauma-informed therapy
- Learn the patterns: Understanding prevents future entrapment
- Be patient: Recovery from systematic control takes time
Frequently Asked Questions
Coercive control is a strategic pattern of behavior that seeks to take away someone's liberty, autonomy, and sense of self through isolation, degradation, exploitation, monitoring, and micro-regulation of daily life. It's the essence of domestic abuse, not just individual violent incidents.
Signs include your partner monitoring your communications and movements, losing contact with friends and family, needing permission for basic decisions, feeling afraid without specific violence, constant walking on eggshells, and feeling trapped but unable to explain why.
Yes, coercive control is now illegal in several jurisdictions including the UK (since 2015), Scotland (2019), Ireland (2019), various Australian states, and some US states. This reflects understanding that non-physical abuse can be just as harmful as physical violence.
Coercive control is a framework that views abuse as an ongoing pattern of control rather than isolated incidents. It recognizes that psychological tactics like isolation, monitoring, and degradation can be devastating even without physical violence.
Recognize the pattern, document secretly if safe, build covert support by reconnecting with trusted people, create a hidden exit plan with resources and documents, contact domestic violence organizations, and prioritize safety since the escape period is often most dangerous.
