"The inner critic is 'the superego gone bad'—an internal persecutor that has taken the role of the external abuser. The harsh things it says aren't truth; they're echoes of abuse you never deserved."
What is the Inner Critic?
The inner critic is an internal voice of harsh self-criticism that attacks your worth, capabilities, decisions, and actions. While everyone has some self-critical thoughts, survivors of narcissistic abuse often have a brutal, relentless inner critic that sounds remarkably like their abuser—because it developed from internalising that abuse.
Pete Walker, who writes extensively about the inner critic in Complex PTSD, describes it as “the superego gone bad”—an internal persecutor that has taken the role of the external abuser.
Where the Inner Critic Comes From
The inner critic develops through:
Internalised abuse: The narcissist’s criticism becomes your self-talk.
Adaptive function: Criticising yourself before they do feels safer.
Parental messages: Growing up hearing you’re not good enough.
Impossible standards: Learning that perfection is required for love.
Survival strategy: Self-criticism kept you vigilant against making mistakes that would trigger abuse.
Attachment preservation: Blaming yourself preserved hope that if you just improved, love would follow.
What the Inner Critic Says
The inner critic attacks in ways that may echo your abuser:
About your worth:
- “You’re worthless/stupid/ugly”
- “You don’t deserve good things”
- “No one could really love you”
About your performance:
- “That’s not good enough”
- “You always mess everything up”
- “You should have done better”
About your emotions:
- “Stop being so sensitive”
- “You’re overreacting”
- “You’re too much”
About your future:
- “You’ll never succeed”
- “Why bother trying?”
- “You’ll end up alone”
The Inner Critic and Emotional Flashbacks
The inner critic is often loudest during emotional flashbacks:
- Something triggers a flashback
- Old feelings of shame, fear, or inadequacy arise
- Inner critic activates, attacking you
- Critic attacks deepen the flashback
- Shame and self-hatred intensify
- Recovery is blocked by ongoing internal attack
Breaking this cycle requires learning to recognise and shrink the inner critic.
Types of Inner Critic Attacks
Perfectionism: Attacking you for any imperfection or mistake.
Comparison: Pointing out how others are better than you.
Catastrophising: Predicting worst-case outcomes for everything.
Black-and-white thinking: You’re either perfect or worthless.
Mind-reading: Assuming others think badly of you.
Self-blame: Finding fault in yourself for everything.
Should statements: Endless rules about how you should be different.
Recognising Your Inner Critic
Signs the inner critic is active:
- Sudden shift to harsh self-talk
- Feeling shameful, worthless, or defective
- Spiraling negative thoughts about yourself
- Comparing yourself unfavourably to others
- Attacking yourself for normal human imperfections
- Internal voice that sounds like your abuser
- Feeling you deserve bad things that happen
- Paralysis from fear of making mistakes
Shrinking the Inner Critic
Recognise it: “This is my inner critic, not truth.”
Externalise it: Visualise it as a separate entity you can talk back to.
Question it: “Would I say this to a friend? Is this fair?”
Source it: “This sounds like my mother/father/ex”—it’s not originally your voice.
Talk back: “I’m doing my best and that’s enough.”
Compassion: Replace critic attacks with what a loving friend would say.
Good enough: Practice accepting “good enough” rather than demanding perfection.
Gratitude: Counter critic attacks with genuine appreciation for yourself.
From Critic to Inner Nurturing Voice
Recovery involves developing an inner nurturing voice:
Inner Critic: “You’re so stupid for making that mistake.” Inner Nurturer: “Everyone makes mistakes. What can I learn from this?”
Inner Critic: “No one could ever love you.” Inner Nurturer: “I’m learning to love myself, and I have people who care about me.”
Inner Critic: “You should be further along by now.” Inner Nurturer: “I’m making progress at my own pace, and that’s okay.”
Research & Statistics
- 80% of complex trauma survivors report a severe inner critic as one of their primary symptoms (Walker, 2013)
- Research shows self-critical thoughts activate the same brain regions as physical pain, explaining their distressing impact (Longe et al., 2010)
- Studies indicate survivors of childhood emotional abuse have inner critics 3-4 times more active than those from supportive households (Gilbert & Irons, 2005)
- 75% of individuals with C-PTSD report their inner critic intensifies during emotional flashbacks (Walker, 2013)
- Research demonstrates that self-compassion practices reduce inner critic activity by 40-60% over 8 weeks of consistent practice (Neff & Germer, 2013)
- Studies show 90% of inner critic content can be traced directly to messages received from abusive caregivers or partners (Greenberg et al., 2010)
- Cognitive-behavioural therapy reduces inner critic severity by 50-70% within 16-20 sessions (Gilbert, 2010)
For Survivors
Your inner critic isn’t your authentic voice—it’s an internalised abuser. The harsh things it says aren’t truth; they’re echoes of abuse you never deserved in the first place.
You wouldn’t accept someone else speaking to you that way now. You don’t have to accept it from yourself either.
Healing the inner critic takes time. It grew stronger over years; it won’t quiet in days. But with persistent practice, the critic’s voice grows weaker and the nurturing voice grows stronger. You can learn to be for yourself what your abuser never was: kind, supportive, and understanding.
Frequently Asked Questions
The inner critic is an internalised harsh voice of self-criticism that attacks your worth, decisions, and actions. In abuse survivors, it often sounds like the abuser because it developed from internalising their criticism. Pete Walker describes it as 'the superego gone bad'—an internal persecutor.
The inner critic develops from internalised abuse—the narcissist's criticism becomes your self-talk. It also served as protection by criticising yourself before they could, preserved attachment by blaming yourself instead of them, and kept you vigilant against triggering more abuse.
Signs include sudden harsh self-talk, feeling shameful or worthless, spiralling negative thoughts, comparing yourself unfavourably to others, attacking yourself for normal human imperfections, an internal voice that sounds like your abuser, and paralysis from fear of making mistakes.
Shrink the inner critic by recognising it ('This is my critic, not truth'), externalising it as separate from you, questioning its messages, sourcing where the voice originally came from, talking back with compassion, replacing attacks with what a loving friend would say, and practicing 'good enough' rather than perfection.
The goal isn't eliminating the inner critic entirely but reducing its volume and developing a stronger inner nurturing voice. With persistent practice, the critic grows quieter and you can learn to be kind and supportive to yourself—what your abuser never was.
