Betrayal Trauma

What is Betrayal Trauma?

Betrayal trauma, a concept developed by psychologist Jennifer Freyd, refers to the specific type of trauma that occurs when someone we depend on for survival, safety, or wellbeing violates our trust in a fundamental way. Unlike trauma from strangers or natural disasters, betrayal trauma involves the unique pain of being harmed by someone who was supposed to protect or care for us.

The betrayal isn’t incidental to the trauma—it IS the trauma.

What Makes Betrayal Trauma Different

Not all trauma involves betrayal. Betrayal trauma specifically involves:

Violation by a trusted figure: Parent, partner, caregiver, institution

Dependency relationship: You needed this person for something essential

Breach of implicit contract: They violated the expected terms of the relationship

Threat to attachment: The betrayal endangers a relationship you depend on

Betrayal Trauma Theory

Jennifer Freyd’s betrayal trauma theory explains why victims often:

• Don’t recognise the abuse as abuse
• Maintain positive feelings toward the abuser
• Have difficulty remembering or processing the events
• Stay in the relationship despite harm

The theory: when you depend on someone for survival, your brain may suppress awareness of their betrayal because recognising it would threaten the attachment you need. This “betrayal blindness” is protective in the short term but devastating long-term.

Betrayal Blindness

Betrayal blindness is the unawareness, not-knowing, or forgetting exhibited by people toward betrayal:

Why it develops: Recognising betrayal by someone you depend on creates an impossible conflict—you need them AND they’re hurting you.

How it manifests: Minimising abuse, forgetting events, making excuses, not seeing patterns.

Its function: Preserves the attachment relationship needed for survival.

Its cost: Perpetuates the abuse and prevents healing.

Common Sources of Betrayal Trauma

Childhood:

• Abuse by parents or caregivers
• Neglect by those responsible for care
• Incest or sexual abuse by family members
• Parental abandonment

Adult relationships:

• Intimate partner abuse
• Infidelity
• Financial betrayal
• Gaslighting by partners

Institutional:

• Religious abuse
• Workplace abuse
• Healthcare betrayal
• Legal system failures

Symptoms of Betrayal Trauma

• Difficulty trusting others (or trusting too easily)
• Anxiety in close relationships
• Hypervigilance about betrayal
• Self-blame for others’ betrayals
• Dissociative symptoms
• Difficulty with memory, especially of traumatic events
• Chronic shame
• Relationship patterns that recreate betrayal
• Physical symptoms (autoimmune issues, chronic pain)
• Depression and anxiety

Narcissistic Abuse as Betrayal Trauma

Narcissistic abuse is inherently betrayal trauma because:

The love bombing created trust: You were led to believe this person loved you.

The dependency was cultivated: Isolation increased your reliance on them.

The devaluation betrayed the promise: The person who adored you now devalues you.

The gaslighting compounds the betrayal: They betray you, then deny the betrayal.

The relationship was never what it seemed: The entire foundation was false.

The Double Bind of Betrayal

Betrayal trauma creates an impossible situation:

1. You need this person (for love, security, survival)
2. This person is hurting you
3. Acknowledging the hurt threatens the relationship you need
4. So your brain may suppress awareness of the hurt
5. Which allows the abuse to continue
6. Which causes more trauma

This explains why victims often don’t leave, don’t remember, or don’t recognise abuse.

Healing from Betrayal Trauma

Safety first: Healing can’t happen while betrayal continues.

Acknowledge the betrayal: Name what happened without minimising.

Process the grief: Mourn what the relationship should have been.

Rebuild trust gradually: Start with yourself, then carefully chosen others.

Therapy: Trauma-informed approaches that understand attachment wounds.

Self-compassion: Your responses to betrayal were adaptive, not flawed.

Research & Statistics

• 70% of trauma survivors report the betrayal component as more distressing than the traumatic event itself (Freyd, 1996)
• Betrayal trauma is associated with 2-3 times higher rates of dissociative symptoms compared to non-betrayal trauma (DePrince & Freyd)
• Approximately 20% of betrayal trauma survivors develop clinical levels of betrayal blindness (Freyd research)
• Physical health impacts: betrayal trauma correlates with 40% higher rates of autoimmune conditions (Goldsmith et al.)
• Survivors of intimate partner betrayal trauma show hippocampal volume reductions of 8-12% (Bremner et al.)
• 60% of individuals who experienced childhood betrayal trauma report revictimisation in adult relationships (Gobin & Freyd)
• Therapeutic processing of betrayal trauma requires an average of 18-24 months longer than non-betrayal trauma (Herman, 1992)

For Survivors

Betrayal trauma is unique because the wound is relational. You weren’t just hurt—you were hurt by someone who was supposed to love you. The pain includes not just what they did, but what that means about a relationship you believed in.

Your confusion, your difficulty leaving, your lingering attachment—these aren’t weakness. They’re the predictable results of being betrayed by someone you depended on. Your brain was trying to protect you from an unbearable truth.

Healing means slowly allowing yourself to see what happened clearly, to grieve both the relationship and the illusion, and to learn that betrayal by one person doesn’t mean everyone will betray you. Trust can be rebuilt—carefully, slowly, with people who earn it. The capacity for connection that made you vulnerable to betrayal is also what will allow you to heal.