"The body's survival system does not distinguish between a charging lion and a narcissist's rage. The amygdala sounds the alarm; stress hormones flood the system; fight, flight, or freeze activates automatically, before thought has time to intervene."- From Inside the Brain, The Alarm System
What are Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn?
Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are the body’s automatic survival responses to perceived threat. These responses are mediated by the autonomic nervous system and occur before conscious thought—they’re not choices but reflexes designed to maximise survival.
For survivors of narcissistic abuse, these responses become chronically activated, often occurring in situations that aren’t objectively dangerous but trigger trauma memories.
The Four Survival Responses
Fight
The instinct to confront or oppose the threat:
- Anger, aggression, defensiveness
- Standing your ground
- Arguing back
- Physical confrontation
- “I’ll stop this”
Flight
The instinct to escape or avoid the threat:
- Running away (literally or figuratively)
- Avoidance, withdrawal
- Staying busy to avoid
- Leaving situations
- “I need to get out”
Freeze
The instinct to become immobile until threat passes:
- Paralysis, inability to act
- Going numb or blank
- Dissociation
- Hiding, making yourself small
- “I can’t move”
Fawn (sometimes called “submit”)
The instinct to appease or please to neutralise threat:
- People-pleasing
- Immediate compliance
- Over-agreeing
- Caretaking the threat
- “I’ll make them happy so they won’t hurt me”
The Biology of Survival Responses
When threat is perceived:
- Amygdala activates: The brain’s alarm system detects danger.
- Stress hormones release: Adrenaline and cortisol flood the system.
- Autonomic nervous system engages: Body prepares for survival.
- Response occurs: Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn—whichever the brain calculates offers best survival odds.
This all happens in milliseconds, bypassing the thinking brain entirely.
Which Response Activates?
The response that activates depends on:
The threat: What type of danger is perceived. Past experience: What worked before in similar situations. Perceived options: Whether fight or flight seem possible. Power differential: The relative power of you and the threat. Learned patterns: What was modeled or trained in childhood.
In narcissistic abuse, fight and flight are often punished, making freeze and fawn more common over time.
Survival Responses in Narcissistic Abuse
Fight may appear as:
- Arguing back during abuse
- Defending yourself
- Explosive reactions after prolonged suppression
Flight may appear as:
- Avoiding the narcissist
- Walking on eggshells to prevent conflict
- Emotional withdrawal
- Eventually, leaving the relationship
Freeze may appear as:
- Going blank during conflict
- Dissociating during abuse
- Feeling paralysed and unable to leave
- Shutdown and numbness
Fawn may appear as:
- Constant appeasement
- Anticipating needs before they’re expressed
- Apologising excessively
- Losing yourself to become what they want
The Fawn Response and Narcissistic Abuse
Fawn is particularly relevant to narcissistic abuse because:
It works—temporarily: Appeasing the narcissist can defuse immediate danger.
It’s reinforced: Compliance is rewarded; resistance is punished.
It develops in childhood: Children of narcissists learn to fawn early.
It becomes identity: You may lose sense of who you are separate from pleasing.
It attracts narcissists: Fawners are ideal targets—they’ll work to please.
It extends abuse: By preventing escalation, fawning may keep you in the relationship longer.
Recognising Your Patterns
Reflect on your responses:
Fight: Do you become defensive, argumentative, or aggressive when threatened?
Flight: Do you avoid, escape, or stay busy to prevent conflict?
Freeze: Do you shut down, go blank, or feel paralysed when stressed?
Fawn: Do you immediately try to please, apologise, or smooth things over?
Most people have a primary response and a secondary backup.
When Survival Responses Become Problems
These responses become maladaptive when:
- They activate to perceived threats that aren’t real dangers
- They’re chronically activated (hypervigilance)
- They prevent healthy functioning
- You can’t access other responses when appropriate
- They keep you trapped in harmful situations
Healing and Rebalancing
Recovery involves:
Recognising responses: Noticing when you’re in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
Creating safety: Real safety allows the nervous system to calm.
Expanding response repertoire: Learning to access all responses appropriately.
Nervous system work: Somatic approaches that regulate the autonomic nervous system.
Processing trauma: Therapy that addresses the underlying trauma driving responses.
Self-compassion: Understanding these responses as survival, not weakness.
Research & Statistics
- Stress response activation occurs within milliseconds of threat detection, before conscious awareness (LeDoux, 1996)
- Research shows freeze is the most common response in interpersonal trauma, occurring in 50-70% of assault survivors
- Studies indicate that which response activates is determined by past experience and perceived options, not conscious choice
- Chronic trauma leads to hyperactive stress responses, with survivors showing elevated baseline cortisol by 30-40%
- The fawn response is identified in 70-80% of individuals raised in narcissistic family systems (Walker, 2013)
- Brain imaging shows amygdala hyperactivation and prefrontal cortex suppression during survival response activation (van der Kolk, 2014)
- Somatic therapies show 60-70% effectiveness in regulating chronic survival response activation over 12-24 months
For Survivors
Your survival responses kept you alive. They weren’t weakness, cowardice, or compliance—they were your nervous system doing exactly what it evolved to do: keeping you safe.
The challenge now is updating your survival system to recognise that the threat has passed. You can learn to fight when appropriate, flee when appropriate, stay present when safe, and help others without losing yourself.
You’re not broken. You’re a survivor whose system is still in survival mode. With time and support, your responses can recalibrate.
Frequently Asked Questions
The four trauma responses are Fight (confronting the threat), Flight (escaping), Freeze (immobilising), and Fawn (appeasing). These are automatic survival responses controlled by the nervous system, not conscious choices.
When your nervous system perceives threat, the amygdala hijacks the brain and your prefrontal cortex (thinking brain) goes offline. This is why you freeze, can't find words, or react in ways you later regret—survival mode overrides rational thought.
Freezing is an automatic trauma response when fighting seems dangerous and fleeing is impossible. Your nervous system is trying to protect you. This isn't weakness—it's a survival mechanism, especially common when childhood experience taught that freezing was safest.
You can't stop having them entirely—they're automatic. But you can calm your nervous system through grounding techniques, recognise when you're triggered, build safety, work on trauma with a therapist, and practice responses when you're calm.
After narcissistic abuse, your nervous system may stay on high alert—constantly watching for danger, easily triggered, quick to react. This hypervigilance was protective during abuse but becomes exhausting and problematic when you're safe.
