"EMDR does not require detailed verbal processing of trauma. For survivors who have been gaslit into doubting their own narratives, this matters greatly. They do not need to convince anyone that the trauma was 'bad enough.'"- From Breaking the Spell, EMDR: The Gold Standard for Trauma Processing
What is EMDR?
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy approach developed by Francine Shapiro for treating trauma and post-traumatic stress. It uses bilateral stimulation—typically eye movements following the therapist’s hand, but also taps or sounds—while the client focuses on traumatic memories, allowing the brain to reprocess and integrate these experiences.
EMDR has become one of the most researched and effective treatments for PTSD and trauma, including the complex trauma that results from narcissistic abuse.
How EMDR Works
The exact mechanism isn’t fully understood, but theories include:
Adaptive Information Processing: Trauma memories are “stuck” and haven’t been properly processed. EMDR helps the brain’s natural healing processes complete this integration.
Working memory: Bilateral stimulation taxes working memory, reducing the vividness and emotional intensity of traumatic memories being recalled.
REM sleep mimicry: The eye movements may replicate aspects of REM sleep, when the brain naturally processes memories.
Dual attention: Focusing on both the memory and the bilateral stimulation allows new perspectives and connections to form.
The Eight Phases of EMDR
1. History and Treatment Planning: Identifying targets for processing.
2. Preparation: Learning about EMDR, establishing safety, developing resources.
3. Assessment: Activating the target memory and associated beliefs, emotions, and body sensations.
4. Desensitization: Processing the memory with bilateral stimulation until distress decreases.
5. Installation: Strengthening positive beliefs associated with the memory.
6. Body Scan: Checking for residual physical tension related to the target.
7. Closure: Returning to equilibrium at the end of each session.
8. Re-evaluation: Assessing progress at the start of subsequent sessions.
What EMDR Feels Like
During EMDR:
- You focus on a disturbing memory while following eye movements or other bilateral stimulation
- You’re fully conscious and in control
- Memories, thoughts, emotions, and body sensations may arise spontaneously
- The therapist guides you but doesn’t interpret—your brain does the processing
- Sessions can be emotionally intense but typically end with reduced distress
- Processing continues between sessions
EMDR for Narcissistic Abuse
EMDR is particularly helpful for processing:
Specific traumatic incidents: Violent episodes, devastating devaluation, the discard.
Pervasive trauma: Ongoing emotional abuse, gaslighting, chronic invalidation.
Attachment wounds: Early experiences with narcissistic parents.
Negative beliefs: “I’m worthless,” “I can’t trust myself,” “It was my fault.”
Body-held trauma: Physical sensations associated with the abuse.
Triggers: Reducing reactivity to things that activate trauma responses.
Benefits of EMDR
Efficiency: Often works faster than traditional talk therapy for trauma.
No detailed recounting: You don’t have to describe trauma in detail.
Reduced distress: Memories become less disturbing after processing.
Changed beliefs: Negative self-beliefs shift to more adaptive ones.
Body release: Physical tension related to trauma decreases.
Lasting change: Improvements typically maintain over time.
What EMDR Doesn’t Do
Erase memories: Memories remain but become less disturbing.
Work instantly: Complex trauma requires more sessions than single-incident trauma.
Work for everyone: Some people don’t respond well to EMDR.
Replace other support: It’s often part of broader treatment.
Require understanding “why”: Processing happens without intellectual analysis.
EMDR and Complex Trauma (C-PTSD)
Narcissistic abuse often creates complex trauma, requiring adaptation:
Longer preparation: Building more resources and stability before processing.
Multiple targets: Many traumatic experiences to address.
Resource installation: Using EMDR to strengthen positive resources.
Careful pacing: Avoiding overwhelming the system.
Integration time: More time between processing sessions.
Adjunct therapies: Often combined with other approaches.
Finding an EMDR Therapist
Look for:
- EMDR certification or extensive training
- Experience with complex trauma and narcissistic abuse
- Comfort with your specific situation
- Good therapeutic fit
Resources:
- EMDR International Association (EMDRIA): emdria.org
- EMDR Europe: emdr-europe.org
- Ask for referrals from trauma-informed professionals
Is EMDR Right for You?
Consider EMDR if:
- You have specific traumatic memories
- Talk therapy alone isn’t resolving symptoms
- You want efficient trauma processing
- You’re stable enough to handle emotional intensity
- You have a therapist trained in the approach
EMDR may not be ideal if:
- You’re currently in crisis or unsafe
- You have severe dissociative symptoms (may need modification)
- You’re not ready to address traumatic material
- You prefer purely verbal approaches
Research & Statistics
- 77-90% of single-trauma victims no longer have PTSD after 3-6 EMDR sessions (Shapiro, 2018)
- EMDR is recognized as an effective trauma treatment by WHO, APA, Department of Veterans Affairs, and numerous international health organizations
- Research shows EMDR produces results in fewer sessions than traditional trauma-focused CBT (average 6-12 vs 12-20 sessions)
- Complex trauma from chronic abuse typically requires 12-25+ sessions due to multiple traumatic memories requiring processing
- Studies show 84% of complex PTSD patients experienced significant symptom reduction after 8 EMDR sessions (van der Kolk et al., 2007)
- Brain imaging reveals that EMDR reduces amygdala hyperactivation and increases prefrontal cortex activity within single sessions
- Effect sizes for EMDR in trauma treatment range from d = 1.0-1.5, indicating large treatment effects (Bisson et al., 2013)
For Survivors
EMDR offers hope that traumatic memories don’t have to control your life forever. The terror, shame, and pain stored in your nervous system from narcissistic abuse can be processed, allowing you to remember without reliving.
Healing is possible. Your brain has the capacity to heal—sometimes it just needs the right support to access that capacity.
Frequently Asked Questions
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a trauma therapy that uses bilateral stimulation—typically eye movements—while focusing on traumatic memories. This allows the brain to reprocess and integrate stuck memories. The exact mechanism isn't fully understood but likely involves working memory and natural healing processes.
Yes, EMDR is particularly effective for processing traumatic incidents, ongoing emotional abuse, attachment wounds from narcissistic parents, negative beliefs ('I'm worthless'), body-held trauma, and triggers. It's one of the most researched treatments for trauma, including complex trauma from narcissistic abuse.
You focus on a disturbing memory while following eye movements or other bilateral stimulation, remaining fully conscious and in control. Memories, thoughts, emotions, and body sensations arise spontaneously while your brain does the processing. Sessions can be emotionally intense but typically end with reduced distress.
No. Unlike talk therapy, EMDR doesn't require detailed recounting of trauma. This is especially helpful for gaslighted survivors who doubt their narratives—you don't need to convince anyone your trauma was 'bad enough.' The processing happens without intellectual analysis or proving anything.
Look for EMDR certification or extensive training, experience with complex trauma and narcissistic abuse, and good therapeutic fit. Resources include the EMDR International Association (EMDRIA) at emdria.org or referrals from trauma-informed professionals.
