Medium Chill

What Is Medium Chill?

Medium chill is a communication technique for interacting with narcissists where you maintain a polite, pleasant demeanor while staying emotionally disengaged. It’s the interpersonal equivalent of being a friendly acquaintance—cordial on the surface, but not actually investing or revealing anything real.

The key principles:

• Pleasant enough to avoid accusations of hostility
• Detached enough to deny narcissistic supply
• Brief enough to limit engagement
• Neutral enough to avoid hooks

Medium Chill vs. Grey Rock

Grey Rock	Medium Chill
Aim to be boring	Aim to be pleasant but unengaging
Can seem cold	Appears friendly
Minimal response	Polite but brief response
”Mhm.” “Okay."	"That’s interesting, thanks for sharing.”
Risk: seems hostile	Risk: might seem too warm

When to Choose Medium Chill

Use medium chill when:

• Grey rock would seem too cold
• You need to appear cooperative
• Work or co-parenting requires some warmth
• The narcissist escalates at coldness
• You’re being observed by others
• You need plausible deniability

When Grey Rock Is Better

Use grey rock when:

• You can afford to seem uninterested
• Maximum disengagement is possible
• There’s no audience to impress
• You’re closer to no contact
• Being boring is more protective

The Medium Chill Approach

Tone

• Pleasant but not enthusiastic
• Polite but not warm
• Friendly but not engaging
• Like a customer service representative
• Professional cordiality

Content

• Acknowledge without agreeing
• Respond without revealing
• Answer without elaborating
• Engage without investing
• Present without connecting

Energy

• Low emotional investment
• No defensiveness
• No explaining
• No emotional reaction
• Calm, centered, unmoved

Medium Chill Responses

To Provocations

They criticize you:

• “You might be right.”
• “That’s one way to look at it.”
• “Hmm, interesting perspective.”
• “Thanks for sharing that.”

They try to start a fight:

• “I can see you feel strongly about that.”
• “I’ll think about what you said.”
• “We might just see this differently.”
• “That’s possible.”

They make accusations:

• “I hear what you’re saying.”
• “I’ll consider that.”
• “You could be right.”
• “That’s your view.”

To Information Fishing

They ask personal questions:

• “Oh, you know, same old.”
• “Nothing too exciting.”
• “Just getting by.”
• “Not much to tell.”

They press for details:

• “It’s pretty boring, really.”
• “I’d rather hear about you.”
• “Nothing worth discussing.”
• [Change subject]

To Emotional Bait

They want a reaction:

• “Hmm, interesting.”
• “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
• “That’s quite something.”
• [Mild acknowledgment, then change subject]

They play victim:

• “That sounds hard.”
• “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
• “That must be difficult.”
• [Brief acknowledgment, no rescue]

To Demands

They demand something:

• “I’ll have to think about that.”
• “Let me get back to you.”
• “That might not work for me.”
• “I’ll see what I can do.”

They push for immediate response:

• “I’ll need some time.”
• “I don’t make decisions on the spot.”
• “I’ll let you know.”
• “Not right now.”

The Internal Shift

How to Think About It

Imagine them as:

• A mildly annoying coworker
• Someone you don’t need to impress
• A stranger making small talk
• Someone you’ll forget in an hour
• Background noise

What You’re NOT Doing

You’re not:

• Being authentic with them
• Building a relationship
• Getting them to understand
• Defending yourself
• Trying to change their mind

What You ARE Doing

You are:

• Managing an interaction
• Protecting your energy
• Limiting their access
• Denying supply
• Getting through it safely

Practicing Medium Chill

Before Interactions

Prepare by:

• Anticipating likely provocations
• Rehearsing bland responses
• Centering yourself emotionally
• Reminding yourself of your goal
• Setting your intention to stay disengaged

During Interactions

Focus on:

• Keeping responses brief
• Maintaining pleasant tone
• Not taking bait
• Watching your body language
• Breathing and staying regulated

After Interactions

Process by:

• Noticing what worked
• Identifying what hooked you
• Releasing held tension
• Celebrating what you handled well
• Adjusting for next time

Challenges and Solutions

”I Slip and Engage”

Common—don’t beat yourself up:

• Notice when it happens
• End the conversation sooner
• Prepare better for next time
• Practice makes progress

”They Can Tell I’m Being Distant”

Maybe, but:

• You’re still being polite
• They can’t claim you’re hostile
• Consistency is key
• Let them be frustrated

”It Feels Fake”

It is, somewhat. That’s okay:

• Authentic connection requires safe people
• This is protection, not relationship
• Social pleasantness is a common skill
• Fake politeness beats genuine reactivity

”I Want to Tell Them Off”

Understandable, but:

• That gives them supply
• It rarely helps
• Medium chill is more frustrating for them
• Save your energy for people who matter

Medium Chill in Different Contexts

Co-Parenting

• Essential for business-like exchanges
• Pleasant enough for children’s sake
• Detached enough for your protection
• Professional co-parenting tone

Family Events

• Polite to maintain peace
• Brief to limit exposure
• Neutral to avoid drama
• Pleasant enough that you’re not the problem

Workplace

• Professional and cordial
• Task-focused
• Emotionally uninvested
• Appropriate work relationship

Combining with Other Techniques

With Information Diet

• Medium chill HOW you respond
• Information diet WHAT you share
• Together: pleasant, private, protected

With Broken Record

• Medium chill maintains the tone
• Broken record maintains the boundary
• “That’s interesting, but my answer is still no.”

With Low Contact

• Medium chill during necessary contact
• Limited frequency of interaction
• Protected quality of engagement

For Survivors

If you’re learning medium chill:

• It’s a skill, not a personality change
• You’re not being fake—you’re being strategic
• Pleasant detachment is protective
• This is for your safety, not their feelings

You’ve probably spent years being told to be authentic, open, and emotionally available. But those teachings assume safety. With someone who weaponizes your openness, medium chill isn’t dishonest—it’s wise.

Think of it as the emotional equivalent of locking your doors. You’re not being hostile to the world; you’re just not letting everyone in. The narcissist has proven they’ll misuse access to your real self. Medium chill protects that self while maintaining the social peace you might need.

You can be warm and genuine with safe people. For unsafe people, pleasant detachment is the appropriate response. Medium chill isn’t who you are—it’s how you protect who you are.