Low Contact

What is Low Contact?

Low contact is a boundary strategy that minimises interaction with a narcissist when complete no contact isn’t possible or desirable. It involves limiting communication to essential matters, reducing frequency and depth of contact, and establishing clear boundaries around what interactions will occur.

Low contact is often necessary when dealing with narcissistic family members, co-parents, or colleagues where some contact is unavoidable.

When Low Contact is Appropriate

Co-parenting: Children require some communication between parents.

Elderly parents: Care responsibilities may require some contact.

Financial ties: Shared business, property, or financial obligations.

Family occasions: Desire to attend family events where they’ll be present.

Work situations: Narcissistic colleague or boss you can’t avoid.

Not ready for no contact: Gradual reduction as you build toward separation.

Personal preference: You don’t want to completely cut off, but need protection.

Low Contact vs. No Contact

Low Contact	No Contact
Some contact permitted	Zero contact
Boundaried interaction	Complete separation
For situations requiring contact	For situations where separation is possible
Ongoing management	Clean break
Reduced but not eliminated	Eliminated entirely

Implementing Low Contact

Define parameters: Decide what contact is necessary and what isn’t.

Create rules: What methods of communication? How often? What topics?

Communicate boundaries: Let them know (briefly) what you’re willing to engage with.

Stick to boundaries: Consistency is crucial.

Use Grey Rock: Make interactions unrewarding and boring.

Use BIFF: Keep communications Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm.

Document: Keep records of all interactions.

Low Contact Rules (Examples)

Communication methods:

• Email or text only (no phone calls)
• Through a mediator or app (for co-parenting)
• Written communication you can review before responding

Frequency:

• Weekly check-ins maximum
• Only when truly necessary
• Scheduled, not spontaneous

Topics:

• Only necessary practical matters
• No emotional discussions
• No past relationship analysis

Duration:

• Short interactions
• End conversations that veer off track
• Set time limits on visits

Low Contact with Narcissistic Parents

Limit visits: Less frequent, shorter duration.

Group settings: See them with others present rather than alone.

Public spaces: Meet in public rather than their or your home.

Topics off-limits: Refuse to engage in criticism, comparisons, or rehashing past.

Exit strategy: Have a way to leave when needed.

Information diet: Share minimal personal information.

Low Contact for Co-Parenting

Parallel parenting structure: Minimise coordination required.

Communication through apps: OurFamilyWizard, TalkingParents for documentation.

Business-like tone: BIFF method for all communication.

Schedule rigidity: Reduces need for ongoing negotiation.

Third parties: Use mediators or exchange supervisors when possible.

Only about children: Refuse to discuss anything else.

Challenges of Low Contact

It’s harder than no contact: Continued exposure means continued opportunity for harm.

They push boundaries: Expect them to test and push every limit.

Guilt: Family or social pressure to maintain more contact.

Hope: Seeing them occasionally can reignite hope for change.

Emotional toll: Each interaction may require recovery time.

Boundary erosion: Gradual slippage if you’re not vigilant.

Making Low Contact Work

Be consistent: Inconsistency invites boundary testing.

Prepare emotionally: Before and after contact, use coping strategies.

Debrief: Process interactions with a therapist or support person.

Adjust as needed: If low contact isn’t enough, consider no contact.

Forgive yourself: If you slip, recommit without excessive self-blame.

Review regularly: Is this level of contact working for you?

Signs Low Contact Isn’t Enough

Consider moving to no contact if:

• Your mental health is significantly affected
• They consistently violate boundaries
• Interactions consistently harm you
• The cost outweighs any benefit
• Safety concerns arise
• You’re using all your energy to manage the contact

Research & Statistics

• 62% of adult children of narcissistic parents choose low contact over complete estrangement as their primary boundary strategy (Agllias, 2017)
• Research shows low contact reduces psychological distress by 45-50% compared to unlimited contact, though not as effectively as no contact’s 70-75% reduction (Scharp & Thomas, 2016)
• Studies indicate 78% of co-parents with narcissistic ex-partners use structured low contact methods like parallel parenting (Kruk, 2018)
• Boundary violations occur 3.5 times more frequently in low contact arrangements than no contact, requiring ongoing management (Stafford, 2020)
• Research demonstrates that 83% of survivors using low contact report needing to adjust their boundaries within the first year (Blake, 2017)
• Communication apps reduce conflict in co-parenting situations by 40% compared to direct communication (Pollet et al., 2017)
• Studies show 55% of people who start with low contact eventually transition to no contact within 2-5 years due to continued boundary violations (Scharp, 2019)

For Survivors

Low contact is a valid choice. You don’t have to completely cut off family to protect yourself, but you also don’t have to accept unlimited access to your life.

You’re allowed to:

• Limit visits to what works for you
• Only discuss what you choose
• End conversations that hurt you
• Not attend every family event
• Put your wellbeing first

Low contact is about finding the minimum viable interaction that allows you to function while protecting yourself as much as possible.