"Healing is not returning to who you were before—that person is gone—but becoming who you might be with the wisdom, strength, and awareness that comes from surviving and integrating this experience."
What is Healing?
Healing from narcissistic abuse is the ongoing process of recovering from trauma, rebuilding your sense of self, and creating a life no longer defined by the abuse. It’s not returning to who you were before—that person is gone—but becoming who you might be with the wisdom, strength, and awareness that comes from surviving and integrating this experience.
Healing is not linear, not fast, and not complete in the sense of being “over it.” But it is possible, and it is real.
What Healing Looks Like
Early healing:
- Getting safe
- Recognising the abuse
- Learning about narcissism
- Initial grief and anger
- Building support
Middle healing:
- Processing trauma
- Rebuilding identity
- Setting boundaries
- Working through grief
- Developing new patterns
Later healing:
- Integration of experience
- Renewed capacity for connection
- Post-traumatic growth
- Living beyond the abuse
- Helping others (if desired)
What Healing is NOT
Not forgetting: You’ll remember; the memories just lose their charge.
Not forgiving (necessarily): Forgiveness is optional, not required.
Not returning to “normal”: You’ll become a new normal.
Not linear: Expect ups and downs, steps forward and back.
Not fast: Complex trauma takes years to heal.
Not “getting over it”: It’s integrating, not erasing.
Not a destination: It’s an ongoing process.
Signs of Healing
- Thinking about them less
- Triggers becoming less intense
- Longer periods of peace
- Ability to enjoy things again
- Stronger boundaries
- Less emotional reactivity
- Better relationships
- Clearer sense of self
- Reduced inner critic
- Hope for the future
What Supports Healing
Professional support: Trauma-informed therapy.
Education: Understanding narcissism and abuse.
Safe relationships: People who validate and support.
Self-care: Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual.
Processing: Allowing feelings to move through.
Time: Healing happens in its own timeline.
No contact: When possible, removing the source.
Patience: With yourself and the process.
What Blocks Healing
- Continued contact with the narcissist
- Waiting for their acknowledgment or change
- Isolation and shame
- Avoiding the pain
- Comparison to others’ timelines
- Self-blame and harsh self-criticism
- Lack of support
- Unaddressed trauma symptoms
The Non-Linear Nature of Healing
Expect:
- Good days and bad days
- Sudden setbacks after progress
- Triggers that surprise you
- Grief that comes in waves
- Anger that resurfaces
- Moments of doubt
This is normal. Setbacks don’t erase progress.
Healing and Time
There’s no timeline: Some heal faster, some slower. Both are valid.
Don’t compare: Your healing is your own.
Be patient: Complex trauma takes time.
Notice progress: Even small improvements matter.
Trust the process: Even when you can’t see it, healing is happening.
What You Might Become
After healing, many survivors find:
- Deeper compassion
- Clearer boundaries
- Better relationships
- Stronger sense of self
- Wisdom from experience
- Desire to help others
- Appreciation for life
- Capacity for authentic connection
Research & Statistics
- 70-80% of trauma survivors report significant improvement with appropriate treatment, including trauma-focused therapy (Bradley et al., 2005)
- Research shows the brain’s neuroplasticity allows measurable recovery: hippocampal volume can increase by up to 5% with effective treatment (Bremner, 2006)
- Studies indicate 50-60% of complex trauma survivors experience post-traumatic growth, reporting positive life changes following recovery (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 2004)
- Recovery timelines vary significantly: 2-5 years is typical for complex trauma from narcissistic abuse, compared to 3-6 months for single-incident trauma (Herman, 2015)
- 85% of survivors who maintain no contact report significant symptom reduction within the first year (Rosenberg, 2019)
- Survivors engaged in trauma-informed therapy show 60% greater improvement in symptoms compared to those without professional support (van der Kolk, 2014)
- Research indicates 90% of survivors report their inner critic diminishes substantially after 2-3 years of dedicated healing work (Walker, 2013)
For Survivors
Healing is possible. It doesn’t mean you’ll never feel pain about what happened. It doesn’t mean you’ll forget or be “over it.” It means you’ll integrate this experience into a larger life, one where the abuse doesn’t define you.
You’re not broken—you’re wounded. And wounds heal.
The healing won’t be linear or fast. There will be days you feel like you’re back at square one. You’re not. Every bit of work you do, every insight you gain, every healthy choice you make is progress, even when you can’t see it.
You survived the abuse. You will survive the healing too. And what’s on the other side is a life you haven’t imagined yet—one where you’re free.
Frequently Asked Questions
There's no standard timeline—some heal faster, some slower, and both are valid. Complex trauma takes years to heal, not weeks or months. Progress isn't linear; expect ups and downs. Don't compare your timeline to others; focus on noticing your own progress, even small improvements.
Healing includes thinking about them less, triggers becoming less intense, longer periods of peace, ability to enjoy things again, stronger boundaries, less emotional reactivity, better relationships, clearer sense of self, reduced inner critic, and hope for the future. It's integration, not erasure.
Missing your abuser is normal and doesn't mean you should return. The trauma bond creates powerful attachment, and you're grieving the person you thought they were (who didn't really exist), the relationship you hoped for, and your lost time. Grief and relief can coexist.
Healing is supported by trauma-informed therapy, education about narcissism and abuse, safe relationships that validate and support, self-care in all dimensions, allowing feelings to process, time, no contact when possible, and patience with yourself and the non-linear process.
Healing doesn't mean forgetting, being 'over it,' or returning to who you were before. It means integrating the experience into a larger life where abuse doesn't define you. Many survivors find they become stronger, wiser, and more compassionate. You're wounded, not broken—and wounds heal.
