Arrogance

What is Narcissistic Arrogance?

Arrogance is the ninth and final diagnostic criterion for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The DSM-5 describes it as “shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.”

Arrogance is grandiosity made visible—the outward expression of the narcissist’s inner belief in their superiority. While grandiosity is the internal conviction, arrogance is how that conviction shows up in behavior: the condescension, the dismissiveness, the barely concealed contempt for those deemed inferior.

How Arrogance Manifests

Verbal Expressions

• Condescending tone
• “Let me explain this to you…”
• Interrupting and talking over others
• Dismissing opinions with sighs or eye rolls
• “That’s not how it works”
• Correcting others publicly
• Speaking as if others are slow or stupid

Body Language

• Looking down at others (literally and figuratively)
• Eye rolls and sighs
• Dismissive hand waves
• Turning away when others speak
• Barely concealed boredom with others’ contributions
• Postures of superiority

Treatment of Others

• Service workers treated with contempt
• “Lesser” people dismissed
• Expecting deference from everyone
• Impatience with others’ pace or abilities
• Believing most people are stupid
• Only valuing high-status individuals

Conversation Patterns

• One-upmanship
• Name-dropping
• Dominating discussions
• Dismissing contrary opinions
• Can’t acknowledge others’ expertise
• Must have the last word
• Makes everything about them

Response to Being Questioned

• Indignation at being challenged
• “How dare you question me?”
• Attacking the questioner’s credibility
• Unable to consider they might be wrong
• Doubling down rather than reconsidering

Arrogance vs. Confidence

Genuine Confidence

• Secure and stable
• Can acknowledge limitations
• Comfortable with others’ expertise
• Doesn’t need to diminish others
• Can say “I don’t know”
• Celebrates others’ success
• Elevates those around them

Narcissistic Arrogance

• Insecure at core
• Cannot acknowledge limitations
• Threatened by others’ expertise
• Maintains itself by putting others down
• Must always be the expert
• Diminished by others’ success
• Elevates self by lowering others

The Key Difference

Confidence is built on genuine self-worth and can accommodate others being capable and worthy too. Arrogance is built on a fragile foundation and requires maintaining superiority—if others are good, they threaten the narcissist’s position.

The Psychology of Arrogance

Defense Against Shame

Beneath the arrogant exterior often lies shame:

• Arrogance covers feelings of inadequacy
• Being “better than” protects against feeling worthless
• The grandiose pose hides vulnerability
• Admitting equality would expose the wound

Maintaining the False Self

The narcissist’s identity depends on superiority:

• Arrogance reinforces the grandiose self-image
• Treating others as inferior confirms their own superiority
• The behavior perpetuates the belief
• It’s self-reinforcing

Control and Dominance

Arrogance establishes hierarchy:

• Keeping others “in their place”
• Establishing who’s in charge
• Preventing challenges to authority
• Maintaining power dynamics

When Arrogance Intensifies

Arrogance often increases when narcissists feel threatened:

• After narcissistic injury
• When their competence is questioned
• When others succeed
• When they feel out of control
• When their superiority is challenged

The more threatened they feel, the more they need to assert dominance.

Impact on Relationships

Partners

Living with arrogance means:

• Your opinions consistently dismissed
• Being talked down to
• Your expertise unacknowledged
• Feeling stupid or incompetent
• Walking on eggshells
• Never feeling like an equal

Children

Growing up with arrogant parents:

• Learning your thoughts don’t matter
• Feeling inherently less-than
• Never being good enough
• Internalizing the condescension
• Either becoming arrogant or excessively self-doubting

At Work

Arrogant colleagues or bosses create:

• Hostile work environments
• Suppressed innovation (no one dares suggest)
• Poor team collaboration
• High turnover
• Talented people leaving

In Friendships

Arrogant “friends”:

• Don’t listen
• Must always be right
• Competitive rather than supportive
• Condescending about your choices
• Make you feel inadequate

Common Arrogant Patterns

The Expert on Everything

• Has opinions on every topic
• Dismisses actual experts
• Can’t say “I don’t know”
• Argues with professionals in their fields
• Confident despite ignorance

The Social Sorter

• Assesses everyone’s status
• Dismisses “beneath” them
• Cultivates “above” them
• Treats people differently based on perceived rank
• Openly contemptuous of the “ordinary”

The Corrector

• Must fix everyone’s statements
• Publicly corrects minor errors
• “Actually, it’s…”
• Can’t let anything slide
• Positions self as arbiter of truth

The One-Upper

• Every story must be topped
• Your achievement triggers their better one
• Can’t let anyone have the spotlight
• Competitive about everything
• Exhausting to share anything with

Recognizing Arrogance

Questions to Ask

• How do they treat people who can do nothing for them?
• Can they acknowledge when someone else knows more?
• How do they respond to being corrected?
• Do they listen to understand or to respond?
• Can they celebrate others’ successes?
• Do they admit mistakes?

Red Flags

• Consistently condescending
• Dismissive of service workers
• Must always be the smartest person
• Can’t acknowledge expertise in others
• Contemptuous of “ordinary” people
• Defensive when questioned

Responding to Arrogance

Don’t Try to Prove Yourself

• You won’t be seen as equal by effort
• Explaining or justifying won’t work
• Their view of you reflects them, not you
• Save your energy

Maintain Your Worth

• Your opinion is valid
• Your expertise is real
• You don’t need their validation
• Don’t internalize their condescension

Set Limits

• You don’t have to tolerate disrespect
• “I won’t be spoken to that way”
• Remove yourself if necessary
• You can choose not to engage

Choose Your Battles

• Challenging every instance is exhausting
• Sometimes disengagement is wisest
• Save confrontation for what matters
• Recognize what you can and can’t change

For Survivors

If you’ve lived with narcissistic arrogance:

• Your intelligence was real even when dismissed
• Your opinions were valid even when ignored
• Your expertise existed even when unacknowledged
• Their condescension reflected their need, not your worth
• You were never actually less-than

Living with arrogance can erode self-trust. You may have learned to second-guess yourself, defer automatically, or feel stupid. These are learned responses to consistent dismissal—not truths about you.

Reclaiming your voice, your expertise, and your right to take up space is part of recovery. You were always enough. They just couldn’t see it—or wouldn’t.