Ghosting

What Is Ghosting?

Ghosting is the practice of abruptly ending a relationship by cutting off all communication without explanation or warning. The person simply disappears—stops returning calls, ignores texts, and acts as if you and the relationship never existed.

One day you’re in a relationship; the next, you’re talking to a void.

How Ghosting Manifests

The Disappearance

• Communication suddenly stops
• Calls go unanswered
• Texts are ignored
• No explanation provided
• They’re simply gone

The Confusion

• “Did something happen to them?”
• “Did I do something wrong?”
• “Is my phone not working?”
• Initial worry before realization hits

The Realization

• They’re not dead or in crisis
• They’re just… not responding to you
• Social media may show them active
• They’re fine—just done with you

Why Narcissists Ghost

Power and Control

Ghosting demonstrates:

• They can leave whenever they want
• They control the narrative
• They don’t owe you anything
• You’re dismissed, not ended with

Avoids Accountability

No ending conversation means:

• No difficult emotions to manage
• No questions to answer
• No accountability for the relationship
• They just exit

Supply Through Your Response

Your desperation provides narcissistic supply:

• Your frantic attempts to reach them
• Your obsessive analyzing
• Your messages showing how much you care
• They enjoy knowing you’re suffering

Punishment

Ghosting may be retaliation for:

• Criticism or injury to their ego
• Not providing enough supply
• Having boundaries
• Anything that displeased them

Keeping Options Open

By not formally ending things:

• They can return (hoover) later
• No messy breakup to undo
• They maintain access to you
• The door is left ajar on their terms

The Experience of Being Ghosted

Initial Phase: Confusion

• “Why aren’t they responding?”
• Checking phone constantly
• Making excuses for them
• Denial that it’s over

Realization Phase: Desperation

• Trying different methods of contact
• Reaching out to their friends or family
• Driving by their house
• Obsessive social media checking

Processing Phase: Pain

• Deep rejection
• Shame and embarrassment
• Grief without closure
• Anger at the cruelty

Long-term: Haunted

• Unfinished business feeling
• Difficulty trusting again
• Triggers when people don’t respond quickly
• Need for closure that never came

The Cruelty of Ghosting

Denial of Dignity

Every person deserves:

• A clear ending
• Explanation (even brief)
• The respect of communication
• Not to be discarded like nothing

Ghosting denies all of this.

No Closure

Closure requires:

• Understanding what happened
• Being able to process the ending
• Having the complete story
• Ghosting provides none of this

Psychological Harm

Ghosting causes:

• Obsessive rumination
• Self-blame
• Trust issues
• Anxiety about future relationships
• Difficulty moving on

Power Imbalance

The ghoster holds all power:

• They decide when it ends
• They control the narrative
• They choose if/when to return
• You’re left powerless

Finding Closure Without Them

Accept You May Never Know “Why”

• The explanation might never come
• “Why” might not make sense anyway
• You have to find peace without answers
• Closure must come from within

Their Behavior Tells You Enough

• Someone who ghosts isn’t someone to build with
• This shows their character
• You learned what you needed to know
• Their cruelty is the answer

Create Your Own Closure

• Write a letter you don’t send
• Have a symbolic ending ritual
• Tell your story to trusted others
• Decide it’s over even without their participation

Focus on What You Control

• Your healing
• Your interpretation
• Your next steps
• Your future relationships

If They Come Back (Hoovering)

Many ghosters return. Be prepared:

They May Act Like Nothing Happened

• “Hey stranger”
• Casual contact as if no time passed
• No acknowledgment or apology
• Testing if you’ll accept them back

They May Have Excuses

• “I was going through something”
• “I needed space”
• “Things were complicated”
• These explain but don’t justify cruelty

Consider Carefully

Before responding:

• Why are they back now?
• What’s changed?
• Can you trust someone who disappeared?
• Is this a pattern?
• What do you actually want?

It’s Okay to Not Respond

• You don’t owe them access
• You can ghost back (or simply not engage)
• Responding reopens the door
• Protecting yourself is valid

Moving Forward

What Ghosting Says About Them

• They lack the maturity for difficult conversations
• They prioritize their comfort over your wellbeing
• They’re capable of cruelty through abandonment
• They see people as disposable

What Ghosting Doesn’t Say About You

• You weren’t worthy of communication
• You did something wrong
• You weren’t enough
• (These are lies ghosting can make you believe)

Healing

• Process the grief and anger
• Address the trust issues that may develop
• Understand the trauma response when people don’t reply quickly
• Know that healthy people don’t ghost

For Survivors

If you’ve been ghosted:

• The cruelty was theirs, not earned by you
• Their inability to end things maturely reflects their character
• The closure you seek must come from within
• You deserved an ending; you didn’t get one, and that’s not your fault
• Ghosting says nothing about your worth

You were discarded without dignity, and that’s painful. The person you thought you knew showed you who they really are—someone who runs from accountability, who sees others as disposable, who can’t face the discomfort of honesty.

That’s not about you. That’s about them.

Your closure comes from seeing clearly what happened, accepting you deserved better, and deciding to move forward into relationships with people who have the basic decency to say goodbye.