"This is intergenerational transmission---narcissistic caregiving environments reshape developing brains, beyond genetics or behavioural modelling. The narcissist's dysfunction becomes the environment in which the next generation's brains form."- From The Contagion, How Wounds Travel Through Generations
What is Intergenerational Trauma?
Intergenerational trauma (also called generational or transgenerational trauma) refers to the transmission of trauma effects from one generation to the next. This includes both the psychological patterns that emerge from unhealed trauma and, research suggests, possible biological changes that can be inherited.
In narcissistic family systems, intergenerational trauma explains how narcissistic patterns repeat across generations—why the adult child of a narcissist may marry one, or why narcissistic parenting styles persist through family lines.
How Trauma Transmits Across Generations
Behavioural transmission: Children learn coping styles, relationship patterns, and parenting approaches from their parents.
Attachment patterns: Insecure attachment in parents creates insecure attachment in children.
Emotional regulation: Parents with poor regulation can’t teach children to regulate.
Normalisation: What you grew up with becomes your template for “normal.”
Unprocessed trauma: Parents’ unhealed trauma affects how they parent.
Epigenetic changes: Emerging research suggests trauma may affect gene expression in ways that can be inherited.
Narcissism and Intergenerational Patterns
Narcissistic patterns transmit through:
Creating narcissists: Some children of narcissists develop narcissistic traits themselves as defence.
Creating vulnerable targets: Others develop codependency and people-pleasing that attracts narcissists.
Normalised dysfunction: Growing up with narcissistic parents makes narcissistic partners feel familiar.
Attachment wounds: Insecure attachment from childhood creates vulnerability.
Boundary deficits: Never learning healthy boundaries perpetuates dysfunction.
Golden child/scapegoat dynamics: These roles can be repeated in the next generation.
The Repetition Compulsion
Many survivors find themselves repeating patterns:
- Marrying someone like their narcissistic parent
- Recreating familiar dynamics in friendships
- Choosing employers with similar traits
- Perpetuating parenting styles they swore to avoid
This isn’t weakness—it’s the unconscious attempt to master or resolve unfinished psychological business. Unfortunately, repetition without awareness rarely leads to resolution.
Breaking the Cycle
Stopping intergenerational transmission requires:
Awareness: Recognising the patterns and their origins.
Healing: Processing your own trauma rather than passing it on.
Education: Learning what healthy relationships and parenting look like.
Intentional change: Making conscious choices that differ from learned patterns.
Support: Therapy, parenting classes, support groups.
Self-compassion: Patience with yourself when old patterns emerge.
New experiences: Creating corrective experiences for yourself and your children.
For Parents Concerned About Transmitting Trauma
If you’re worried about repeating patterns:
You’re already ahead: Awareness is the first step. Most repeaters aren’t aware.
Perfect parenting isn’t required: Good enough parenting with repair matters more than perfection.
Get support: Therapy while parenting helps you catch patterns in real-time.
Learn new skills: Parenting classes, books, and resources can teach what wasn’t modeled.
Repair matters: When you make mistakes, modeling repair teaches more than never erring.
Your children are different: They have a parent who’s trying—which you may not have had.
Signs of Intergenerational Patterns
You may be carrying intergenerational trauma if:
- You notice your reactions mirror your parent’s patterns
- You’re attracted to people similar to your abusive parent
- Your relationships repeat similar dynamics
- You catch yourself parenting as you were parented despite intentions not to
- Stories of previous generations reveal similar patterns
- You carry shame that doesn’t seem to originate from your own experience
The Epigenetic Component
Emerging research suggests trauma may affect biology:
Stress response genes: Trauma can affect how genes related to stress are expressed.
Cortisol regulation: Children of traumatised parents may have altered stress hormone patterns.
Potential reversibility: Some studies suggest healing can reverse epigenetic changes.
This research is still developing, but it suggests trauma’s effects may be even more biological than previously understood.
Hope for Healing
Intergenerational patterns can be broken:
- Each generation that heals transmits less trauma
- Children of healing parents have better outcomes
- Conscious effort changes what gets passed down
- The cycle can end with you
- Your healing benefits generations you’ll never meet
Research & Statistics
- Research shows children of trauma survivors are 3 times more likely to develop PTSD themselves, even without direct trauma exposure (Yehuda et al., 2001)
- 30-40% of abused children go on to become abusive parents, meaning 60-70% break the cycle with intervention (Kaufman & Zigler, 1987)
- Studies of Holocaust survivors’ descendants show altered cortisol levels in the second and third generations, suggesting epigenetic transmission (Yehuda et al., 2016)
- 75% of children raised by narcissistic parents report significant relationship difficulties in adulthood (McBride, 2008)
- Research indicates awareness and intentional parenting reduce transmission rates by up to 80% (Egeland et al., 1988)
- Studies show 50% of narcissistic traits can be attributed to environmental factors, particularly parenting style (Vernon et al., 2008)
- Children of parents in trauma therapy show 40% better outcomes than children of untreated traumatised parents (Lieberman et al., 2005)
For Survivors
You are not destined to repeat what was done to you. The patterns are strong but not unbreakable. With awareness, healing, and intentional effort, you can become the end of the line for your family’s trauma—the generation where it stops.
Your children (if you have them) can have different childhoods than you had. Your relationships can look different than your parents’. The legacy of pain can transform into a legacy of healing.
It’s not easy. But it’s possible. And you’re already doing it by learning and trying.
Frequently Asked Questions
Intergenerational trauma refers to the transmission of trauma effects from one generation to the next, including psychological patterns and possibly biological changes. It explains how narcissistic patterns, attachment wounds, and dysfunctional relationship templates can repeat across generations in families.
Trauma transmits through behavioural modelling (children learn coping styles from parents), attachment patterns (insecure attachment creates insecure children), normalisation of dysfunction, emotional regulation deficits passed on, and possibly epigenetic changes that affect gene expression.
Growing up with narcissistic parents normalises dysfunction and makes narcissistic partners feel familiar. Attachment wounds create vulnerability, boundary deficits perpetuate dysfunction, and the unconscious repetition compulsion drives attempts to master unfinished psychological business through similar relationships.
Yes, the cycle can be broken with awareness, healing work, education about healthy relationships, intentional choices that differ from learned patterns, professional support, and self-compassion. Many survivors become the generation where the trauma stops, transforming their family's legacy.
Not necessarily. While some children of narcissists develop narcissistic traits as defence, many others develop the opposite patterns. With awareness and intentional healing, you can parent differently than you were parented. Your concern about repeating patterns actually puts you ahead, as most who repeat aren't aware.
