"Polyvagal theory revolutionized our understanding of trauma by revealing that our nervous system has three states, not two. Beyond fight-or-flight lies a more ancient response: shutdown, freeze, collapse. When the body determines that fighting or fleeing won't work, it goes still. This is not weakness or choice—it is biology."
What is Polyvagal Theory?
Polyvagal theory is a neurobiological framework developed by Dr. Stephen Porges that explains how the autonomic nervous system regulates our responses to safety and danger. The theory reveals that we have three primary nervous system states—not the two (fight-or-flight vs. rest) we traditionally learned about.
Understanding polyvagal theory is transformative for trauma survivors because it explains why you may have frozen, why you can’t “just calm down,” and why your body reacts the way it does. These aren’t character flaws or choices—they’re biology.
The Three Nervous System States
1. Ventral Vagal: Social Engagement (Safety)
When the nervous system detects safety:
- Physical state: Calm, regulated, heart rate stable
- Emotional state: Curious, open, connected
- Behavioral state: Able to engage socially, think clearly, play
- Facial expression: Soft, expressive, eye contact possible
- Voice: Prosodic, warm, varied in tone
This is where we thrive—where connection, creativity, and healing happen.
2. Sympathetic: Fight-or-Flight (Danger)
When the nervous system detects danger:
- Physical state: Heart racing, muscles tense, breathing rapid
- Emotional state: Anxious, angry, fearful
- Behavioral state: Ready to fight or run, hyperalert
- Facial expression: Tense, scanning for threat
- Voice: Higher pitched, faster, tense
This mobilizes energy for survival through action.
3. Dorsal Vagal: Freeze/Shutdown (Life Threat)
When the nervous system detects inescapable threat:
- Physical state: Collapsed, numb, immobilized, slow heart
- Emotional state: Hopeless, disconnected, depressed
- Behavioral state: Frozen, dissociated, “not there”
- Facial expression: Flat, vacant, disengaged
- Voice: Monotone, quiet, or absent
This is the body’s last resort when fighting or fleeing won’t work.
The Hierarchy of Response
Polyvagal theory describes a hierarchy:
- First attempt: Social engagement (can I get help? Can I connect?)
- If that fails: Fight-or-flight (can I fight or escape?)
- If that fails: Freeze/shutdown (last-resort survival)
The nervous system moves through these automatically, based on its assessment of what will work. This isn’t conscious decision-making—it’s rapid, survival-based neurological response.
Why This Matters for Abuse Survivors
The Freeze Response
Many survivors ask: “Why didn’t I fight back? Why didn’t I run?”
Polyvagal theory explains: when your nervous system determined—often in milliseconds, below conscious awareness—that fighting or fleeing wasn’t possible or safe, it shifted to freeze. This is:
- Not weakness
- Not consent
- Not choice
- Not character flaw
- Simply biology doing its job
Stuck States
After trauma, the nervous system can get stuck:
- Stuck in sympathetic: Chronic anxiety, hypervigilance, irritability
- Stuck in dorsal vagal: Depression, dissociation, numbness, fatigue
- Cycling rapidly: Swinging between states unpredictably
Understanding this helps explain post-trauma symptoms that feel inexplicable.
Triggered Responses
Triggers don’t just cause emotions—they cause nervous system state shifts. A trigger might instantly drop you from ventral vagal (safe) to dorsal vagal (shutdown), bypassing fight-or-flight entirely. This explains sudden numbness, dissociation, or inability to speak.
Neuroception: The Detection System
Neuroception is the nervous system’s unconscious detection of safety and danger. It happens below awareness, constantly scanning the environment through:
- Facial expressions
- Tone of voice
- Body language
- Environmental cues
- Internal body signals
Miscalibrated Neuroception
Trauma can miscalibrate neuroception:
- Detecting danger when safe: Hypervigilance, seeing threat everywhere
- Missing danger: Impaired ability to recognize red flags
- Both: Unsafe with dangerous people, anxious with safe ones
This explains why survivors may feel unsafe in safe situations or not recognize genuine threats.
The Vagus Nerve
The vagus nerve is central to polyvagal theory—it’s the longest cranial nerve, connecting brain to body. It has two branches:
Ventral Vagal (New)
- Evolved in mammals
- Supports social engagement
- Regulates heart, face, voice
- The “social nervous system”
Dorsal Vagal (Old)
- Ancient, shared with reptiles
- Controls shutdown/freeze
- Can cause immobilization
- Last-resort survival
Polyvagal Theory and Narcissistic Abuse
During the Abuse
- Your nervous system shifted into survival states
- Freeze responses were protective, not failures
- Your body was trying to keep you alive
- Responses were automatic, not chosen
Living with a Narcissist
- Chronic stress keeps the nervous system in defensive states
- Walking on eggshells = sympathetic activation
- Dissociating during abuse = dorsal vagal protection
- Unable to think clearly = nervous system hijacked
After the Abuse
- Nervous system may remain stuck in defensive states
- Hypervigilance (stuck in sympathetic)
- Numbness/depression (stuck in dorsal vagal)
- Difficulty feeling safe with anyone
- Triggers causing state shifts
Regulation and Healing
Recognizing Your State
Learn to notice which state you’re in:
- Ventral vagal: Calm, present, connected
- Sympathetic: Anxious, alert, tense
- Dorsal vagal: Numb, distant, collapsed
Awareness is the first step to regulation.
Returning to Ventral Vagal
Practices that support the social engagement system:
- Co-regulation: Safe connection with regulated others
- Breathwork: Especially slow exhales (activates vagal brake)
- Vocalization: Humming, singing, chanting
- Cold water: On face (activates dive reflex)
- Orienting: Looking around, noticing safety cues
- Movement: Gentle, rhythmic movement
- Social engagement: Eye contact, facial expressions with safe people
Working with Freeze States
Coming out of dorsal vagal:
- Very gentle, not forcing
- Small movements first
- Orienting to environment
- Grounding through senses
- Patience—this state exits slowly
- Warmth and safety
For Survivors
If you’ve blamed yourself for freezing:
- Your freeze response saved you
- It wasn’t weakness or consent
- Your nervous system was protecting you
- You couldn’t have chosen differently
- The biology was doing its job
Understanding polyvagal theory can transform self-blame into self-compassion. Your body responded to threat in the way it was designed to. The freeze wasn’t failure—it was survival.
Your nervous system was trying to keep you alive. It did. Now, with understanding, you can help it learn that the danger has passed, that safety is possible, and that you can return to a state where connection, joy, and healing are available.
Frequently Asked Questions
Polyvagal theory, developed by Stephen Porges, explains how the vagus nerve and autonomic nervous system regulate our responses to safety and danger. It identifies three states: social engagement (safe), fight-or-flight (danger), and freeze/shutdown (life threat). This framework helps explain trauma responses like freezing and dissociation.
The three states are: 1) Ventral vagal (social engagement) - feeling safe, connected, able to relate; 2) Sympathetic (fight-or-flight) - mobilized for defense, heart racing, ready to act; 3) Dorsal vagal (freeze/shutdown) - immobilized, collapsed, dissociated, playing dead.
Freezing is controlled by the oldest branch of the nervous system (dorsal vagal). When the brain determines that fighting or fleeing won't work—often unconsciously—the system shifts to shutdown. This is not a choice but an automatic survival response. It's why victims often can't move or speak during assault.
Polyvagal theory shows that trauma responses are automatic nervous system states, not conscious choices. Survivors may freeze during abuse, feel disconnected afterward, or have their nervous systems stuck in defensive states. Understanding this removes self-blame for 'not fighting back.'
Neuroception is the nervous system's unconscious scanning for safety and danger—it happens below awareness. In trauma survivors, neuroception may become miscalibrated, detecting danger when none exists (hypervigilance) or missing danger cues (impaired protection). This explains many post-trauma difficulties.
Understanding polyvagal theory helps survivors: stop blaming themselves for freeze responses, understand their nervous system patterns, learn to recognize which state they're in, and practice returning to ventral vagal (safety). Therapies like somatic experiencing use this framework.
