"The narcissist can mirror---their mirror systems function---but they mirror selectively, mirroring those who provide narcissistic supply while failing to mirror those who do not. This selectivity may originate in the selective mirroring they themselves received."- From Inside the Brain, Von Economo Neurons and Mirror Systems
What Are Mirror Neurons?
Mirror neurons are a specialized type of brain cell that activate both when you perform an action and when you observe someone else performing the same action. Discovered in the 1990s in macaque monkeys and later studied in humans, these neurons create a direct internal simulation of others’ actions and, potentially, their emotions.
When you watch someone reach for a cup of coffee, mirror neurons in your brain fire as if you were reaching for the cup yourself. This neural mirroring may be fundamental to how we understand others’ intentions, learn through observation, and experience empathy.
Mirror Neurons and Empathy
The mirror neuron system has been proposed as a neural basis for empathy:
Emotional contagion: When you see someone smile, mirror neurons may help create a smile response in you, which then generates the feeling of happiness.
Understanding others: By internally simulating others’ actions and states, we understand what they’re experiencing.
Prediction: Mirror neurons may help us predict what others will do next by internally modeling their behaviour.
Connection: This neural “simulation” creates a form of direct connection between minds.
While the relationship between mirror neurons and empathy is debated among neuroscientists, these cells clearly play some role in how we perceive and relate to others.
Mirror Neurons and Narcissism: The “Broken Mirror” Theory
Some researchers have proposed that narcissism involves dysfunction in the mirror neuron system:
Impaired emotional simulation: If mirror neurons don’t properly simulate others’ emotions, the narcissist may genuinely not “feel” others’ experiences.
Cognitive without affective empathy: Narcissists often understand intellectually what others feel but don’t share the feeling—this could reflect selective mirror neuron dysfunction.
Difficulty with genuine connection: The neural bridge that creates intuitive understanding may be compromised.
Emotional contagion failure: They may not “catch” others’ emotions the way most people do.
This is still a theoretical model, but it offers one explanation for the narcissist’s empathy deficits that doesn’t require assuming they’re simply choosing not to care.
What the Research Shows
Studies on mirror neurons and narcissism have found:
- Reduced mirror neuron activity in individuals with high narcissistic traits when viewing others’ emotions
- Less automatic facial mimicry in narcissistic individuals
- Differences in brain regions associated with the mirror system in those with NPD
- Possible compensation through cognitive (rather than affective) processing of social information
However, research in this area is ongoing and conclusions remain tentative.
Implications for Understanding Narcissists
If the broken mirror theory has validity:
It’s neurological, not just choice: The narcissist may truly not experience others the way you do.
No amount of explaining will work: They can’t feel what their mirror neurons don’t simulate.
Cognitive understanding isn’t enough: Knowing what you feel intellectually doesn’t create empathy.
It explains the disconnect: How someone can understand you’re hurt and simply not be moved by it.
It’s not personal: Their empathy failure with you isn’t unique—it’s how their brain works with everyone.
For Survivors: Why This Matters
Understanding mirror neurons helps survivors:
- Stop trying to make the narcissist “feel” their pain through explanation
- Understand why the narcissist seems to genuinely not get it
- Accept that some limitations may be neurological, not willful
- Grieve the reciprocal empathy that was never possible
- Focus energy on healing rather than seeking impossible understanding
The Limits of Mirror Neurons as Explanation
Important caveats:
Not an excuse: Understanding potential neurological differences doesn’t excuse abusive behaviour.
Responsibility remains: Regardless of why they lack empathy, their actions still cause harm.
Treatment still possible: Even if there are neurological differences, behaviour can potentially improve with intensive treatment.
Complexity: Narcissism is complex; mirror neurons are at best one piece of the puzzle.
Healing Your Own Mirror System
For survivors, chronic trauma can affect your own mirror neuron function:
- Hyperactive mirroring (absorbing others’ emotions excessively)
- Protective dampening (shutting down emotional resonance for safety)
- Confusion about whose feelings are whose
Recovery may include:
- Learning to distinguish your emotions from others’
- Setting appropriate empathic boundaries
- Restoring healthy emotional connection without overwhelm
Research & Statistics
- Mirror neurons were first discovered by Rizzolatti’s team in 1992, with subsequent human studies confirming their presence in the premotor cortex and inferior parietal lobule
- Research shows individuals with high narcissistic traits exhibit 40% less mirror neuron activation when viewing others’ emotional expressions (Schulze et al., 2013)
- Studies indicate reduced facial mimicry by 35-45% in individuals with NPD compared to controls (Marissen et al., 2012)
- fMRI research demonstrates narcissistic individuals show 25% less activity in the anterior insula during empathy tasks (Fan et al., 2011)
- The “broken mirror” hypothesis proposes that impaired emotional simulation may explain why cognitive empathy remains intact while affective empathy is diminished in NPD (Ritter et al., 2011)
- Research on trauma survivors shows chronic abuse can alter mirror neuron function, with hyperactive mirroring present in 60% of cases (Perry, 2009)
- Studies demonstrate neuroplasticity interventions can improve mirror system function, with 30% improvement in emotional resonance after targeted therapy (Iacoboni, 2008)
A Balanced Perspective
Mirror neurons offer a fascinating lens for understanding empathy and its failures. For survivors, this framework can help depersonalise the narcissist’s emotional blindness. The person who couldn’t feel your pain may have been working with neural hardware that simply doesn’t simulate others’ experiences the way yours does. This doesn’t excuse their behaviour—but it may help explain it and release you from the exhausting attempt to make them understand.
Frequently Asked Questions
Mirror neurons are brain cells that activate both when you perform an action and when you observe someone else performing it. They create an internal simulation of others' actions and potentially their emotions, and may be fundamental to how we understand others and experience empathy.
Mirror neurons may help create emotional contagion, where seeing someone's emotion triggers that emotion in you. By internally simulating others' states, we understand what they're experiencing and feel motivated to respond compassionately.
The 'broken mirror' theory suggests narcissism may involve dysfunction in the mirror neuron system, explaining why they can understand intellectually what others feel but don't share the feeling. Research shows reduced mirror neuron activity when viewing others' emotions.
If mirror neurons don't properly simulate others' emotions, the narcissist may genuinely not 'feel' your experience. No amount of explaining will work if the neural system that would create that felt understanding isn't functioning normally.
Research is ongoing, but the brain retains plasticity. However, this doesn't change the fundamental reality that narcissists may not experience others the way you do, and this is not something you can fix through love or explanation.
