"Many narcissists experience what appears clinically as depression: low mood, emotional numbing, low energy, hopelessness. But narcissistic depression differs from major depressive disorder. The primary experience is emptiness rather than sadness."- From The Hollowed Self, Anhedonia and Depression
What is Derealization?
Derealization is a dissociative experience in which the external world feels unreal, dreamlike, foggy, or somehow “off.” While you’re aware that the world exists and can interact with it, everything feels distant, unfamiliar, or like you’re experiencing it through a filter or behind glass.
Often occurring alongside depersonalization (feeling disconnected from self), derealization is a common response to overwhelming stress and trauma—including narcissistic abuse.
How Derealization Feels
People experiencing derealization commonly report:
- The world feels like a dream or movie
- Surroundings seem foggy, hazy, or artificial
- Familiar places feel strange or unfamiliar
- Colours seem muted or overly bright
- Sounds seem distant or distorted
- Time feels strange—too fast, too slow, or disconnected
- Everything feels two-dimensional or flat
- A sense of being behind glass or in a bubble
- Objects appear the wrong size or distance
- Environment feels menacing or surreal
Derealization vs. Depersonalization
These experiences often co-occur but are distinct:
| Derealization | Depersonalization |
|---|---|
| World feels unreal | Self feels unreal |
| External disconnection | Internal disconnection |
| Environment is dreamlike | Your body/mind is distant |
| ”Is this real?" | "Am I real?” |
Both are dissociative responses that create distance from overwhelming experience.
Why Derealization Happens
Derealization serves a protective function:
Threat management: When reality is threatening, making it feel “not real” creates psychological distance.
Overwhelm prevention: Experiencing reality as dreamlike reduces its impact.
Survival mode: The brain creates distance when full experience would be too overwhelming.
Chronic activation: Long-term stress can keep you in a dissociative state.
Derealization and Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse can trigger derealization through:
Gaslighting: Having your reality constantly contradicted makes reality itself feel uncertain.
Chronic threat: Ongoing danger keeps dissociative defences activated.
Cognitive dissonance: When reality doesn’t make sense, it may feel unreal.
Overwhelming betrayal: Some experiences are too painful to fully integrate.
Unpredictability: When anything can happen, reality loses coherence.
When Derealization Becomes Problematic
Occasional derealization during extreme stress is normal. It becomes problematic when:
- It persists after stressors are removed
- It interferes with daily functioning
- It occurs frequently without obvious triggers
- It causes significant distress
- It prevents engagement with life
- It doesn’t respond to grounding techniques
Grounding Techniques for Derealization
Physical grounding:
- Hold ice or cold water
- Feel textures—rough fabric, smooth stone
- Name physical sensations in your body
- Strong scents (peppermint, coffee)
- Stamp feet firmly on ground
Sensory engagement:
- 5-4-3-2-1 technique (5 things you see, 4 hear, etc.)
- Describe your environment in detail
- Focus on one object and examine it thoroughly
- Listen carefully to ambient sounds
Cognitive grounding:
- State facts: your name, date, location
- Count backward from 100 by 7s
- Recite something you know well
- Name everything in a category (cities, fruits)
Reality testing:
- Touch objects and describe their texture
- Ask yourself what’s real about this moment
- Notice details that prove you’re in the present
Healing from Chronic Derealization
Safety first: Derealization often decreases naturally when you’re genuinely safe.
Address underlying trauma: Therapy that processes trauma reduces need for dissociative defence.
Build body awareness: Reconnecting with physical sensations anchors you in reality.
Regular grounding practice: Daily practice builds capacity to stay present.
Reduce stressors: Managing stress reduces dissociative activation.
Self-compassion: Derealization is a coping mechanism, not a character flaw.
Professional help: A trauma-informed therapist can guide treatment.
Research & Statistics
- 50% of all adults will experience at least one episode of derealization in their lifetime, typically during extreme stress (Hunter et al., 2004)
- Derealization and depersonalization co-occur in 80% of cases when either symptom is present
- Studies show gaslighting victims are 4 times more likely to experience derealization than other abuse survivors
- Chronic derealization affects approximately 0.8-2% of the population, with higher rates in trauma-exposed individuals
- Brain imaging shows altered activity in the temporal-parietal junction during derealization episodes (Sierra et al., 2002)
- 75% of patients with chronic derealization report onset during or immediately after traumatic experiences
- Recovery rates with appropriate treatment reach 65-70% showing significant symptom reduction within 12-24 months
For Survivors
If you experience derealization:
- It’s a normal response to abnormal circumstances
- Your brain is trying to protect you
- It doesn’t mean you’re going crazy
- It can improve with time and treatment
- Many survivors experience this and recover
The world hasn’t actually become unreal. Your brain created distance to survive. As you heal and feel safe, reality will feel real again.
Frequently Asked Questions
Derealization is a dissociative experience where the external world feels unreal, dreamlike, foggy, or somehow 'off.' While you're aware the world exists, everything feels distant, unfamiliar, or like you're experiencing it through a filter or behind glass.
Derealization develops as a protective response when reality becomes threatening. Gaslighting makes reality feel uncertain, chronic stress keeps dissociative defences activated, and overwhelming trauma creates experiences too painful to fully integrate.
Derealization involves feeling disconnected from the external world ('Is this real?'), while depersonalization involves feeling disconnected from yourself ('Am I real?'). Both are dissociative responses that often occur together.
Symptoms include the world feeling dreamlike, surroundings seeming foggy or artificial, familiar places feeling strange, colours appearing muted, sounds seeming distant, time feeling strange, and a sense of being behind glass or in a bubble.
Yes. Derealization often decreases naturally when you are genuinely safe. Grounding techniques, trauma therapy, body awareness practices, and reducing stressors all help. The world hasn't become unreal; your brain created distance to survive, and it can heal.
