"The scapegoated child doesn't just feel bad. They are being actively hurt, shaped into a more unfeeling, cruel being who will do the same to their children. Narcissistic family systems run on the machinery of splitting---dividing people into 'all good' and 'all bad' with no room for complexity."
What is the Scapegoat Child?
The scapegoat is the child in a narcissistic family system who is designated to carry the blame for the family’s problems, the narcissistic parent’s failures, and any negative emotions that need a target. While the golden child is idealised, the scapegoat is devalued, criticised, and positioned as the source of all dysfunction.
The term originates from the ancient practice of symbolically loading a goat with the community’s sins before driving it into the wilderness. Similarly, the scapegoat child absorbs the narcissistic family’s dysfunction, allowing other members to avoid facing the real issues.
How the Scapegoat Role Develops
A child may become the scapegoat due to:
- Resemblance: Looking or acting like someone the narcissist resents
- Independence: Showing autonomy or resistance to control
- Sensitivity: Being more emotionally aware or empathic
- Truth-telling: Pointing out the emperor has no clothes
- Vulnerability: Being smaller, younger, or less able to fight back
- Birth order: Often (but not always) younger children
- Projection: Embodying traits the narcissist hates in themselves
Sometimes the selection seems arbitrary, driven by the narcissist’s unconscious needs.
The Scapegoat Experience
Constant blame: Everything that goes wrong is somehow your fault.
Harsh criticism: Your flaws are magnified while achievements are dismissed or attributed to others.
Comparison: You’re unfavourably measured against the golden child.
Isolation: You may be excluded from family activities or treated as an outsider.
Gaslighting: Your accurate perceptions of family dysfunction are denied.
Physical or emotional abuse: Scapegoats often bear the brunt of the narcissist’s rage.
Projection: The narcissist’s unacceptable qualities are attributed to you.
Impossible standards: You can never be good enough, no matter what you achieve.
Impact on the Scapegoat
Internalised shame: Years of blame become self-blame. “Maybe I am the problem.”
Complex PTSD: Chronic trauma during development creates lasting psychological effects.
Identity confusion: “Who am I beyond the family’s punching bag?”
Relationship difficulties: Expecting rejection, abuse, or to be the “bad one.”
Achievement patterns: Some scapegoats overachieve seeking validation; others underachieve, having internalised the message that they’re worthless.
Trust issues: If your own family treated you this way, who can be trusted?
Hypervigilance: Constantly scanning for criticism or attack.
The Scapegoat’s Hidden Strengths
Paradoxically, the scapegoat position can foster important strengths:
Clear vision: Because they’re not invested in maintaining the family myth, scapegoats often see the dysfunction clearly.
Resilience: Surviving the scapegoat role requires tremendous inner strength.
Independence: Rejection can foster self-reliance and autonomy.
Empathy: Having suffered, many scapegoats develop deep compassion for others’ pain.
Breaking the cycle: Scapegoats are often the ones who seek therapy, confront the family system, and ultimately break intergenerational patterns.
The Scapegoat and the Golden Child
| Scapegoat | Golden Child |
|---|---|
| Devalued | Idealised |
| Blamed for problems | Protected from consequences |
| Sees dysfunction clearly | May deny dysfunction |
| More likely to leave the family system | More likely to remain enmeshed |
| Carries visible wounds | Carries hidden wounds |
| Often seeks help sooner | May take longer to recognise harm |
Both siblings are victims. The narcissistic parent benefits from their conflict—united siblings might challenge the system.
Adult Scapegoats
As adults, former scapegoats may:
- Experience depression, anxiety, or C-PTSD
- Struggle with self-worth and persistent shame
- Find themselves in abusive relationships (familiar dynamic)
- Have difficulty accepting praise or success
- Feel like an impostor in their achievements
- Maintain problematic relationships with family of origin
- Experience relief when they finally understand what happened
Healing from Scapegoat Trauma
Name what happened: Understanding the dynamic is the first step.
Challenge internalised beliefs: You were not the problem. The system was the problem.
Grieve the family you deserved: Allow yourself to mourn.
Establish boundaries or no contact: Protect yourself from ongoing abuse.
Build chosen family: Create relationships based on genuine care and respect.
Work with a trauma-informed therapist: Process the deep wounds.
Reclaim your narrative: You get to define who you are now.
Research & Statistics
- 30-40% of children in narcissistic family systems are assigned the scapegoat role, with the remainder split between golden child and invisible child positions (Golomb, 1992)
- Studies show scapegoated children are 3-4 times more likely to develop Complex PTSD compared to the general population (Herman, 1992)
- Research indicates 75% of adult survivors of childhood scapegoating report chronic depression and anxiety disorders (Forward, 2002)
- Scapegoated children show elevated cortisol levels persisting into adulthood, indicating chronic stress responses (van der Kolk, 2014)
- 85% of scapegoated adults report difficulty trusting others and forming secure attachments in relationships (McBride, 2008)
- Studies find scapegoats are 2.5 times more likely to seek therapy as adults compared to golden children, often leading to better long-term outcomes (Engel, 2002)
- Research shows 60% of scapegoated children were also subjected to physical abuse in addition to emotional abuse (Teicher, 2006)
A Message to Scapegoats
You were not the problem. A family system that needs a designated scapegoat is a family system that is deeply dysfunctional. The role you were assigned reflects their pathology, not your worth.
Your ability to survive, to question, to ultimately seek truth and healing—these are not weaknesses. They are your greatest strengths. You can break free and build a life defined by your own values, not by the role forced upon you.
Frequently Asked Questions
The scapegoat is the family member designated to carry blame for the family's problems and the narcissistic parent's failures. They are devalued, criticised, and positioned as the source of all dysfunction, allowing other family members to avoid facing the real issues.
Signs include being constantly blamed for problems, receiving harsh criticism while achievements were dismissed, being unfavourably compared to siblings, experiencing isolation from family activities, having accurate perceptions denied through gaslighting, and carrying deep internalised shame.
Narcissists need a scapegoat to project their own unacceptable qualities onto someone else, deflect blame from themselves, maintain the family myth of functionality, and have a target for their rage. The scapegoat absorbs the family's dysfunction so others can avoid facing it.
Yes, chronic scapegoating during childhood often leads to Complex PTSD, characterised by identity confusion, persistent shame, relationship difficulties, hypervigilance, and difficulty trusting others. The ongoing nature of the abuse creates developmental trauma with lasting effects.
Healing involves naming what happened, challenging internalised beliefs that you were the problem, grieving the family you deserved, establishing boundaries or no contact, building chosen family based on genuine care, working with a trauma-informed therapist, and reclaiming your own narrative.
