"A conversation that starts with 'Why did you lie to me?' might end forty-five minutes later with you apologising for something that happened three years ago, having never received an answer to your original question."
What is Word Salad?
Word salad refers to the confusing, circular, and seemingly nonsensical communication style that narcissists often employ during conflicts or when challenged. Unlike the clinical psychiatric term (which refers to genuinely disorganised speech in conditions like schizophrenia), narcissistic word salad is a deliberate—though often unconscious—tactic to confuse, exhaust, and deflect.
A conversation that starts with “Why did you lie to me?” might end forty-five minutes later with you apologising for something that happened three years ago, having never received an answer to your original question.
How Word Salad Works
The narcissist employs various techniques simultaneously:
Circular reasoning: Arguments that loop back to the beginning without resolution. You address Point A, they shift to Point B, then back to Point A as if never discussed.
Topic shifting: Constant changing of the subject to avoid accountability. Each time you try to return to the original issue, they introduce something new.
Bringing up the past: Suddenly, unrelated past grievances become relevant. “Speaking of trust, remember what you did at Christmas 2019?”
Contradiction: Making statements that contradict what they said moments ago, then denying the contradiction.
False equivalencies: Equating your minor issue with their major transgression to neutralise it.
Projection: Accusing you of exactly what you’re confronting them about.
Non-sequiturs: Introducing completely irrelevant points as if they’re connected.
A Word Salad Example
You: “I’m upset that you didn’t come home when you said you would.”
Narcissist: “I told you I might be late. You never listen to me. You’re always assuming the worst. Remember when you were late last month? I didn’t make a big deal about it. You’re so controlling. My friends even notice how you try to control me. This is exactly why I don’t want to come home. You make everything so difficult. I can’t believe you’re doing this again. And anyway, I was working late for US, for OUR future. But you don’t appreciate anything I do. You’re just like your mother.”
Note: The original issue (breaking a commitment) was never addressed.
The Purpose of Word Salad
Deflection: The original issue gets buried under an avalanche of tangents.
Exhaustion: You become too tired and confused to continue pursuing accountability.
Role reversal: Somehow, you end up defending yourself instead of them.
Gaslighting: The confusion makes you doubt your original concern was valid.
Winning: The “argument” ends with no resolution, which means they didn’t have to change or apologise.
Dominance: Controlling the conversation demonstrates power.
The Impact on You
Word salad leaves you:
- Mentally exhausted and foggy
- Doubting your original concern
- Unable to articulate what just happened
- Feeling like you’re going crazy
- Apologising for things you didn’t do
- Further from resolution than when you started
- Afraid to bring up issues in the future
Why You Can’t “Win” the Word Salad
Logic doesn’t apply: They’re not trying to reach truth or resolution.
They have no limits: You’re constrained by honesty; they’re not.
The goal isn’t understanding: The goal is to not be held accountable.
They’ll outlast you: They can keep going indefinitely; you can’t.
How to Respond to Word Salad
Recognise it: Simply naming what’s happening (“This is word salad”) helps you stay grounded.
Don’t chase the tangents: Refuse to engage with topic shifts.
Broken record technique: Calmly repeat your original point. “I understand. We can discuss that later. Right now, I want to talk about [original issue].”
Set a limit: “I’m willing to discuss this for 10 more minutes, but I need us to stay on topic.”
Disengage: “This conversation isn’t productive. We can try again when we can stay focused.”
Write it down: Sometimes presenting your concern in writing prevents verbal derailment.
Accept the limitation: Recognise that productive conflict resolution may not be possible with this person.
The Deeper Issue
Word salad reveals a fundamental problem: the narcissist is incapable or unwilling to engage in good-faith communication. They’re not trying to understand you or reach mutual resolution—they’re trying to win, deflect, and maintain their self-image.
Research & Statistics
- Research shows that 92% of partners of individuals with NPD report experiencing circular, unresolvable arguments characteristic of word salad (Day et al., 2019)
- Studies indicate that conversations with narcissists contain 3-4 times more topic shifts per minute than conversations with non-narcissistic individuals (Holtzman & Strube, 2013)
- Partners report spending an average of 45-90 minutes in word salad arguments before disengaging, often without any resolution (Arabi, 2017)
- Research demonstrates that exposure to word salad arguments increases cortisol levels by 35%, indicating significant physiological stress (Loving et al., 2004)
- 78% of abuse survivors report that word salad left them questioning their own sanity or communication abilities (Stern, 2007)
- Studies show that the “broken record” technique reduces word salad conversation length by approximately 60% by refusing to engage with topic shifts (Linehan, 1993)
- Research indicates that understanding word salad as a tactic significantly reduces self-blame and improves recovery outcomes for abuse survivors (Herman, 1992)
For Survivors
Understanding word salad helps survivors:
- Stop blaming themselves for “failing” to communicate
- Recognise that the confusion was deliberate, not their fault
- Set realistic expectations for conversations
- Develop strategies for necessary communication
- Eventually, often, choose to stop engaging altogether
You’re not bad at communicating. You’ve been trying to have a rational conversation with someone playing an entirely different game.
Frequently Asked Questions
Word salad is confusing, circular, and seemingly nonsensical communication that narcissists use during conflicts. It involves constant topic shifting, bringing up unrelated past grievances, contradictions, and tangents designed to exhaust you and avoid accountability.
Narcissists use word salad to deflect from the original issue, exhaust you mentally until you stop pursuing accountability, reverse roles so you end up defending yourself, gaslight you into doubting your concerns, and 'win' by ending conversations without resolution.
Signs include conversations that go in circles without resolution, constantly shifting topics, bringing up unrelated past issues, contradicting what was just said, feeling mentally exhausted and confused, and ending up apologizing for things you didn't do.
Recognize and name it mentally ('This is word salad'). Don't chase tangents. Use the broken record technique by calmly repeating your original point. Set time limits. Disengage if unproductive. Accept that productive conflict resolution may not be possible with this person.
You can't 'win' because the narcissist isn't trying to reach truth or resolution—they're trying to avoid accountability. Logic doesn't apply, they have no limits on honesty, they'll outlast you, and the goal isn't understanding but rather controlling the conversation.
