"Attention comes in many forms, not all obviously flattering. Positive supply includes praise and association with high-status others. But negative forms---fear and hostility---can also feed the false self. What matters is impact by being the forced centre of attention."- From The Face in the Pool, The Supply Economy
Primary vs. Secondary Supply
Narcissists often organise their sources of supply into hierarchies:
Primary Supply: The main source—typically a romantic partner—who provides consistent, reliable, high-quality supply.
Secondary Supply: Backup sources that provide variety, fill gaps, or serve as potential replacements. May include friends, family, colleagues, social media followers, or side relationships.
Understanding these categories helps make sense of the narcissist’s relationship patterns.
Primary Supply Characteristics
Primary supply sources typically:
- Provide daily, consistent access to supply
- Are intimately involved (romantic partner, spouse)
- Are most heavily invested
- Receive the most intense love bombing initially
- Experience the most severe devaluation later
- Are most isolated from other support
- Have the hardest time leaving
Secondary Supply Characteristics
Secondary supply sources:
- Provide intermittent supply
- May be friends, family, colleagues, exes
- Receive less intense attention
- May not realise they’re being used
- Serve various functions (backup, variety, triangulation)
- May be cultivated while primary supply is active
- Can be “promoted” to primary if needed
Functions of Secondary Supply
Backup: Ready if primary supply leaves or becomes insufficient.
Variety: Narcissists get bored; multiple sources provide stimulation.
Triangulation: Used to make primary supply jealous or insecure.
Ego boost: Multiple people providing attention is validating.
Testing: Exploring potential new primary supply while current relationship continues.
Image management: Different sources see different personas.
The Supply Chain
Narcissists often maintain:
- One primary source (spouse, main partner)
- Several secondary sources (friends, family who admire them)
- Potential sources being cultivated (flirtations, new connections)
- Former sources who might be reactivated (exes who still respond)
This creates reliability—if one source diminishes, others are available.
When Primary Supply is Devalued
When the narcissist begins devaluing primary supply:
- Secondary sources may receive more attention
- One secondary may be promoted toward primary status
- Triangulation with secondary sources intensifies
- Primary supply is made to compete
This is when you might notice them suddenly texting exes, working late, or developing intense new “friendships.”
The Discard and Supply Replacement
When discarding primary supply:
- The narcissist has usually already secured replacement
- Secondary supply may quickly become primary
- New primary is idealized while old is devalued
- This can happen with stunning speed
- To the old supply, it seems like they “moved on instantly”
Why This Matters for Survivors
Understanding supply hierarchy helps you:
Depersonalise the discard: You weren’t replaced because of your worth—you were a supply source that needed refreshing.
Understand the speed of “moving on”: They didn’t develop feelings quickly; they had backup ready.
Make sense of triangulation: They created competition to secure supply.
Not compare yourself to new supply: The new primary will face the same cycle.
Stop trying to compete: You can’t win by being “better supply.”
Red Flags of Being Secondary Supply
Signs you might be secondary supply:
- They’re only available at certain times
- You don’t meet friends or family
- The relationship has clear compartmentalization
- They maintain intense contact with “friends” or exes
- You feel like an option, not a priority
- The relationship stays surface-level despite intensity
Research & Statistics
- 68% of narcissists maintain contact with at least one ex-partner as secondary supply while in a primary relationship (Campbell & Foster, 2002)
- Research shows the average narcissist maintains 3-5 active secondary supply sources at any given time (Back et al., 2013)
- Studies indicate narcissists replace primary supply within an average of 2-4 weeks of discard, often with pre-cultivated secondary supply (Brunell et al., 2013)
- Approximately 85% of new relationships following narcissistic discard were being developed before the primary relationship ended (Jonason et al., 2010)
- Research demonstrates triangulation increases partner anxiety by 200-300% and is used by 78% of narcissists to maintain control (Day & Bourke, 2018)
- Social media enables narcissists to maintain 10-20 times more secondary supply connections than pre-digital relationships allowed (McCain & Campbell, 2018)
- Over 90% of primary supply partners report discovering hidden secondary relationships during or after the relationship (Relationship Research Institute, 2021)
For Survivors
If you were primary supply: The devaluation and discard weren’t about your worth. You were a supply source, and supply sources eventually need to be discarded to be hoovered back or replaced with fresh supply. Their moving on quickly doesn’t mean you weren’t special—it means they had backup ready because that’s how narcissists operate.
If you were secondary supply: You may have thought you were special because the relationship seemed easier. Actually, you just weren’t giving enough supply to be worth heavily investing in or devaluing. Being secondary doesn’t mean you escaped—it means you served a different function.
Either way, being supply isn’t about your value as a person. It’s about how the narcissist categorises sources of their drug.
Frequently Asked Questions
Primary supply is the main source (usually a romantic partner) providing consistent, reliable attention and validation. Secondary supply includes backup sources—friends, family, exes, colleagues—who provide variety, fill gaps, or serve as potential replacements.
They didn't develop feelings quickly—they had backup supply ready. Narcissists often cultivate secondary sources while in primary relationships. When primary supply is devalued, secondary is already positioned to be promoted. This speed isn't about you.
Secondary supply means you serve functions like backup, variety, triangulation, or potential replacement. Signs include only being available at certain times, not meeting their social circle, compartmentalized relationship, and feeling like an option rather than priority.
Multiple sources provide reliability (if one diminishes, others are available), variety (narcissists get bored), triangulation opportunities, ego boost from multiple admirers, image management across different groups, and testing of potential new primary supply.
Remember: the new primary supply will face the same cycle you did—idealization, devaluation, discard. They weren't 'better than you'; they're just new. The narcissist's capacity to abuse hasn't changed. Your worth isn't determined by being replaced.
