"Legal professionals experienced with high-conflict personalities protect survivors during divorces or custody battles. Narcissists weaponise legal systems, filing spurious motions, dragging out proceedings, and making false accusations."- From Protection and Escape, Professional Support Network
What is a High-Conflict Personality?
A high-conflict personality (HCP) is a pattern of behaviour characterised by four key traits: all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, extreme behaviours, and a preoccupation with blaming others. The term, popularised by Bill Eddy, describes individuals who create and perpetuate conflict in their relationships, workplaces, and interactions with institutions.
While high-conflict personalities overlap significantly with personality disorders (especially Cluster B), the HCP framework focuses on observable behaviours rather than diagnosis—making it useful for anyone dealing with difficult people.
The Four Characteristics of HCPs
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking
- People are all good or all bad
- Situations are black or white, no grey areas
- Minor disagreements become major conflicts
- Can’t hold complexity or ambiguity
2. Unmanaged Emotions
- Intense emotional reactions disproportionate to situations
- Emotions drive behaviour regardless of consequences
- Difficulty regulating anger, fear, or distress
- Emotional intensity that pulls others in
3. Extreme Behaviours
- Actions that 90% of people would never do
- Threats, public attacks, false allegations
- Revenge seeking, prolonged campaigns
- Behaviours that harm themselves or others
4. Preoccupation with Blaming Others
- Never take responsibility for problems
- Always someone else’s fault
- Targets of blame become “all bad”
- Blame is intense, personal, and enduring
HCPs vs. Situational Conflict
Everyone has conflict sometimes. HCPs are different:
| Normal Conflict | High-Conflict Pattern |
|---|---|
| Takes responsibility sometimes | Never their fault |
| Can see other perspectives | Only their view is valid |
| Proportionate responses | Extreme reactions |
| Wants resolution | Wants to “win” or punish |
| Can move forward | Holds grudges indefinitely |
| Specific complaints | Global attacks on character |
Types of High-Conflict People
HCPs often (but not always) have underlying personality disorders:
Narcissistic HCPs: Entitled, superior, need to win and be right, blame others for not recognising their specialness.
Borderline HCPs: Fear abandonment, intense and rapidly shifting emotions, may make false allegations, splitting between idealisation and hatred.
Antisocial HCPs: Willing to harm others, deceptive, see others as obstacles, no remorse.
Histrionic HCPs: Need attention, dramatic, may exaggerate or fabricate situations.
Paranoid HCPs: Suspicious, see threats everywhere, interpret neutral actions as attacks.
Where HCPs Create Conflict
Relationships: Intense, volatile partnerships marked by drama and blame.
Divorce/custody: Prolonged, bitter proceedings with false allegations and parental alienation.
Workplace: Targeting colleagues, filing complaints, creating hostile environments.
Neighbourhoods: Disputes over trivial matters that escalate to legal action.
Legal system: Frequent lawsuits, weaponising courts against perceived enemies.
Healthcare: Complaints against providers, disputes over treatment.
Online: Attacks on social media, review bombing, harassment campaigns.
Why You Can’t Reason with HCPs
Logic doesn’t work: Their emotions drive their thinking, not vice versa.
Evidence doesn’t help: They’ll dismiss, reframe, or ignore contradicting information.
Explaining is useless: They’re not interested in understanding; they want to be right.
Compromise isn’t possible: They see compromise as losing.
They won’t reflect: Self-awareness is threatening to their fragile sense of self.
Strategies for Dealing with HCPs
BIFF Responses: Keep communications Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm.
Don’t take the bait: They’ll try to pull you into their drama.
Set firm limits: Clear, consistent boundaries with consequences.
Document everything: HCPs often make false claims; records protect you.
Lower expectations: Accept that they won’t change or see reason.
Use formal channels: Where possible, go through lawyers, HR, or other intermediaries.
Don’t be a target of blame: Avoid actions that give them ammunition.
Grey Rock: Be emotionally boring and unrewarding.
If You’re Co-Parenting with an HCP
Parallel parenting is typically necessary:
- Minimal direct communication
- Detailed parenting plan to reduce negotiation
- Written communication only through documented channels
- Firm boundaries around your parenting time
- Accept different rules in different homes
- Focus on your relationship with children, not their behaviour
Research & Statistics
- High-conflict personalities are involved in approximately 10-15% of all family court cases but consume over 90% of court resources (Eddy, 2019)
- Research shows 70-80% of high-conflict individuals meet criteria for at least one personality disorder, most commonly Cluster B (Eddy, 2006)
- Children in high-conflict custody disputes show 2-3 times higher rates of anxiety, depression, and behavioural problems (Johnston et al., 2009)
- Studies indicate high-conflict divorces last an average of 3-5 years longer than typical divorces and cost 10 times more in legal fees (Bernet, 2010)
- 85% of false allegations in family court originate from high-conflict personalities (Eddy, 2019)
- Research shows parallel parenting reduces conflict exposure by 60% compared to cooperative co-parenting attempts with HCPs (Deutsch, 2008)
- High-conflict individuals are 4 times more likely to file appeals and motions post-judgment, prolonging legal involvement (Greenberg et al., 2017)
For Survivors
Recognising an HCP helps you:
- Stop trying to reason, explain, or compromise
- Accept that their view of you is based on their pathology, not reality
- Set appropriate boundaries without guilt
- Choose strategies that work for high-conflict people specifically
- Protect yourself legally and practically
- Understand why nothing you tried ever worked
You’re not failing at communication. You’re dealing with someone who uses conflict as a lifestyle.
Frequently Asked Questions
A high-conflict personality (HCP) is a pattern of behaviour characterised by all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, extreme behaviours, and preoccupation with blaming others—often overlapping with personality disorders like narcissism.
Use BIFF responses (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm), don't take the bait, set firm limits with consequences, document everything, lower expectations for change, use formal channels when possible, and apply Grey Rock.
Signs include seeing people as all good or all bad, intense emotional reactions disproportionate to situations, extreme behaviours most people wouldn't do, and constant blaming of others while never taking responsibility.
No, logic and evidence typically don't work because their emotions drive their thinking. They dismiss contradicting information, aren't interested in understanding, and see compromise as losing.
Use parallel parenting with minimal direct communication, detailed parenting plans to reduce negotiation, written documentation through co-parenting apps, firm boundaries, and accept that different rules in different homes is inevitable.
