Trigger

What is a Trigger?

A trigger is any stimulus that activates a trauma response by reminding the brain and body of past danger. Triggers can be sensory (a smell, sound, or sight), emotional (feeling a certain way), situational (being in a particular type of circumstance), or interpersonal (encountering certain behaviours in others).

When triggered, the nervous system responds as if the original trauma is happening now, even when the current situation is objectively safe. This isn’t a conscious choice—it’s the brain’s automatic threat detection system activating.

How Triggers Work

Memory encoding: Traumatic experiences are encoded with associated sensory and contextual details.

Pattern matching: The amygdala constantly scans for matches to stored danger patterns.

Alarm activation: When a match is detected, the alarm sounds before conscious awareness.

Body response: Fight-flight-freeze-fawn activates; stress hormones release.

Emotional flooding: The emotions of the original trauma emerge.

Present-moment loss: You may lose awareness that you’re in the present, not the past.

Types of Triggers

Sensory:

• Smells (cologne, alcohol, specific foods)
• Sounds (tone of voice, doors slamming, certain music)
• Sights (physical features, places, objects)
• Physical sensations (being touched certain ways)

Emotional:

• Feeling criticised
• Feeling ignored or dismissed
• Feeling controlled
• Vulnerability or helplessness

Situational:

• Conflict or raised voices
• Being alone
• Certain holidays or anniversaries
• Medical or intimate situations

Interpersonal:

• Someone’s anger
• Passive aggression
• Being asked questions
• Certain power dynamics

Internal:

• Physical states (hunger, fatigue)
• Intrusive thoughts
• Specific emotions arising

Identifying Your Triggers

Signs you’ve been triggered:

• Sudden intense emotion that seems disproportionate
• Physical symptoms (racing heart, difficulty breathing, tension)
• Dissociation or feeling unreal
• Urge to fight, flee, freeze, or appease
• Feeling like you’re “back there”
• Difficulty accessing rational thought
• Strong reactions that surprise you

Common Triggers After Narcissistic Abuse

Criticism: Any perceived criticism may trigger feelings of the narcissist’s attacks.

Tone of voice: Certain tones (even from safe people) may echo the narcissist.

Silence: The silent treatment may be triggered by any silence in relationships.

Being questioned: Interrogation triggers from the narcissist’s constant criticism.

Conflict: Any disagreement may feel like the beginning of an abuse cycle.

Happiness: Success or joy may trigger waiting for punishment.

Vulnerability: Being seen or known may feel dangerous.

Certain phrases: Words the narcissist used can be instantly activating.

Working with Triggers

Identify: Learn your specific triggers through observation and journaling.

Recognise: Notice when you’re triggered rather than just reacting.

Ground: Use grounding techniques to return to the present.

Reality check: “I’m triggered right now. The current situation is different from the past.”

Self-compassion: Triggers aren’t weakness; they’re normal trauma responses.

Create safety: Remove yourself from triggering situations when needed.

Process: Work with a therapist to process underlying trauma.

Communicate: Help safe people understand your triggers and how to help.

Grounding When Triggered

5-4-3-2-1: Name 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 you can touch, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.

Orientation: Say your name, age, the date, where you are, that you’re safe.

Physical grounding: Feel feet on floor, hold something cold, splash water on face.

Breathing: Slow, deep breaths to activate parasympathetic system.

Movement: Shake, stretch, or move to discharge activation.

Self-talk: “I’m triggered. This is a memory, not current reality.”

Triggers vs. Boundary Violations

It’s important to distinguish:

Trigger: A neutral stimulus that reminds you of trauma. Boundary violation: An actual harmful behaviour occurring now.

Being triggered by something doesn’t mean the thing is harmful. But something being a trigger doesn’t mean it’s not also a boundary violation. Learn to assess: “Is this situation actually unsafe, or is my trauma response activating?”

Healing and Reducing Triggers

Over time, with treatment:

• Triggers become less intense
• Recovery from triggers becomes faster
• You can be triggered without losing functionality
• Some triggers may fade entirely
• You develop confidence in your ability to manage triggers

Research & Statistics

• 90% of trauma survivors report experiencing triggers, with the average survivor identifying 15-20 distinct triggers related to their trauma (van der Kolk, 2014)
• Research shows that trauma triggers activate the amygdala in under 20 milliseconds—faster than conscious awareness can process the stimulus (LeDoux, 2015)
• PTSD treatment reduces trigger intensity by 50-70% on average, with EMDR and prolonged exposure showing the strongest effects (Bradley et al., 2005)
• Studies indicate that 78% of abuse survivors experience triggers related to tone of voice, making everyday conversations potentially activating (Herman, 1992)
• Research demonstrates that grounding techniques can reduce trigger intensity by 40-60% when practiced regularly over 8 weeks (Cloitre et al., 2010)
• 85% of emotional flashbacks are triggered by interpersonal situations that mirror dynamics from the original abuse (Walker, 2013)
• Brain imaging studies show that with successful trauma treatment, trigger-related amygdala activation decreases by approximately 30% (Felmingham et al., 2007)

For Survivors

Triggers are not evidence that you’re broken or weak. They’re evidence that you experienced something overwhelming and your brain is trying to protect you from it happening again.

Learning your triggers is empowering—you can prepare, manage, and communicate about them. And with time and healing, triggers that once overwhelmed you will become manageable reminders that you survived something difficult and are still surviving.