Crazymaking

What is Crazymaking?

Crazymaking refers to a pattern of behaviors—deliberate or unconscious—that cause victims to doubt their own sanity, perception, memory, and grasp on reality. The term captures what gaslighting and related tactics feel like to experience: the sensation that you’re losing your mind.

Crazymaking is particularly insidious because it attacks the very tool you need to recognize abuse: your own mind. When you can no longer trust your perceptions, you become dependent on the person who stole your certainty.

Crazymaking Tactics

Reality Denial

• Denying things you clearly witnessed
• “That never happened”
• “You’re imagining things”
• “I never said that” (when you know they did)
• Acting baffled by your “false” memories

Contradictory Behavior

• Being loving one moment, cruel the next
• No explanation for the shift
• Denying the cruelty happened
• Acting like you’re crazy for being confused
• Making you feel like you caused the shift

The Disappearing Act

• Moving your belongings
• Deleting messages or emails
• Removing evidence of events
• Then acting like you’re losing things
• Or claiming the messages never existed

Unpredictability

• Rules that constantly change
• What pleased them yesterday angers them today
• No pattern you can learn
• Walking on eggshells but the eggshells move
• You can never feel stable

Emotional Whiplash

• Extreme reactions to minor things
• No reaction to major things
• Responses that don’t match the situation
• You can’t predict what will happen
• Your nervous system stays on alert

Rewriting History

• “That’s not what happened”
• “You’re remembering wrong”
• “Your version is completely distorted”
• Convincingly describing events differently
• Making you doubt your memory

The Nonsense Argument

• Arguments that make no logical sense
• Word salad and circular reasoning
• Exhausting you with confusion
• Derailing with irrelevance
• You can’t follow the “logic” because there isn’t any

Why Crazymaking Works

Attacking Self-Trust

We rely on our perceptions to navigate reality. When those perceptions are constantly challenged:

• Self-trust erodes
• Reality becomes uncertain
• We need external validation
• We become dependent on others to tell us what’s real

Creating Dependency

When you can’t trust yourself:

• You turn to them for reality
• You become more compliant
• You doubt your objections
• They gain control

Preventing Accountability

If you doubt what happened:

• You can’t hold them accountable
• Evidence becomes uncertain
• You question if it was “that bad”
• They escape consequences

Isolation Through Confusion

When you can’t articulate what’s happening:

• It’s hard to explain to others
• You sound “crazy” trying to describe it
• You may stop trying to explain
• Isolation increases

The Psychology of Feeling Crazy

Why You Feel Insane

• Human brains expect consistency
• When reality keeps shifting, we destabilize
• Cognitive dissonance is distressing
• The brain struggles to reconcile contradictions
• “Crazy” is the label for this experience

It’s Not Actually You

Feeling crazy in response to crazymaking is:

• A normal response to abnormal treatment
• Evidence of psychological manipulation
• Your mind trying to make sense of the senseless
• NOT a sign of mental illness

The Trap

The more you try to make sense of it:

• The more confused you become
• The more you doubt yourself
• The harder you try to figure out the “truth”
• The more they control the narrative

Signs You’re Experiencing Crazymaking

Emotional Signs

• Constant confusion
• Anxiety about reality
• Second-guessing everything
• Feeling like you’re losing your mind
• Depression from cognitive exhaustion
• Walking on eggshells perpetually

Behavioral Signs

• Checking and rechecking facts
• Recording conversations
• Asking others to verify your memory
• Excessive apologizing
• Difficulty making decisions
• Avoiding expressing opinions

Relationship Signs

• You felt sane before this relationship
• This only happens with this person
• Others don’t make you feel crazy
• The confusion centers on one relationship
• You functioned fine before them

The Critical Question

Ask yourself: “Was I ‘crazy’ before this relationship?”

If you functioned normally, had clear perceptions, and maintained mental stability before—and now you’re questioning your sanity—the relationship is likely the problem, not your mental health.

The Impact of Crazymaking

Psychological Effects

• Anxiety and hypervigilance
• Depression
• Difficulty trusting perceptions
• Memory doubts
• Concentration problems
• Possible trauma symptoms

Relational Effects

• Difficulty trusting others
• Isolation
• Dependency on the abuser
• Trouble in new relationships
• Fear of being “crazy” in others’ eyes

Functional Effects

• Decision-making paralysis
• Work difficulties
• Social withdrawal
• Physical health problems from stress
• Exhaustion from constant vigilance

Protecting Your Sanity

Document Everything

• Keep a journal of events
• Save texts and emails
• Note what happened and when
• Have something to check against gaslighting
• Trust your documentation

Seek Outside Perspective

• Talk to trusted friends or family
• Work with a therapist
• Ask others to reality-check situations
• Don’t rely solely on the person confusing you
• External witnesses matter

Learn About These Tactics

• Education provides framework
• Naming what’s happening helps
• “Crazymaking” and “gaslighting” explain your experience
• Knowledge counters confusion
• You’re not crazy—you’re being manipulated

Trust Your Body

• Physical responses don’t lie
• If your gut says something’s wrong, it is
• Anxiety and tension are data
• Your body knows before your mind catches up
• Trust the unease

Consider Distance

• Crazymaking requires proximity
• Distance reduces exposure
• No contact eliminates it
• Sometimes leaving is the only way to recover sanity
• You can’t out-think someone determined to confuse you

Recovery

Rebuilding Self-Trust

This takes time:

• Start with small perceptions
• Verify and validate your observations
• Celebrate when your memory is correct
• Slowly rebuild confidence
• Be patient with yourself

Processing the Experience

• Therapy can help enormously
• Trauma-informed care is valuable
• Understanding what happened aids recovery
• Grief over the relationship may be part of it
• You’ll need to mourn your lost certainty

Recognizing the Truth

• You weren’t crazy
• You were systematically confused
• Your mind was working correctly—theirs was the problem
• You can trust yourself again
• Clarity returns with distance

For Survivors

If you’ve experienced crazymaking:

• You weren’t crazy—you were being manipulated
• The confusion was induced, not inherent
• Your memory is probably accurate
• Your perceptions were valid
• Your sanity was stolen, not lost

The feeling of “going crazy” was real—but you weren’t actually losing your mind. You were having a sane response to insane treatment. Your brain was trying to process the unprocessable.

With distance, clarity returns. You can trust yourself again. The certainty that was stolen can be rebuilt. You were never crazy. You were in the presence of someone who needed you to believe you were.