Broken Record Technique

What Is the Broken Record Technique?

The broken record technique is a simple but powerful assertiveness strategy: you state your position and then repeat it—word for word—no matter how the other person responds. Like a broken record stuck on one phrase, you don’t change, elaborate, explain, or engage.

Core principle:

• State your boundary clearly
• Repeat it exactly, as needed
• Don’t justify or explain
• Don’t engage with their tactics
• Stay calm throughout

Why Broken Record Works

Narcissistic Tactics Require Engagement

Narcissists override boundaries through:

• Arguing until you give up
• Guilt-tripping until you cave
• Threatening until you comply
• Wearing you down through exhaustion
• Finding holes in your reasoning

All of these require you to engage.

Broken Record Removes Engagement

When you just repeat:

• There’s nothing to argue against
• No new material to attack
• No reasoning to pick apart
• No emotional hooks
• No productive outcome for them

It’s boring. It’s frustrating. There’s no payoff for their effort.

They Eventually Disengage

Without engagement:

• Their tactics don’t work
• The interaction becomes unrewarding
• Continuing to push is pointless
• They often (eventually) stop

How to Use Broken Record

Step 1: Choose Your Statement

Pick a simple, clear phrase:

• “No.”
• “That doesn’t work for me.”
• “My answer is no.”
• “I’m not going to do that.”
• “I’ve made my decision.”
• “We’ve already discussed this.”

Step 2: State It Calmly

Deliver your statement:

• Matter-of-fact tone
• No anger or pleading
• Like you’re stating the weather
• Without defensiveness
• Like it’s simply true

Step 3: Repeat Exactly

Whatever they say, repeat:

• Same words
• Same tone
• Same calm delivery
• As many times as needed
• Without variation

Step 4: Don’t Engage Further

Resist the urge to:

• Explain why
• Justify your position
• Respond to their arguments
• Address their guilt trips
• React to escalation

Example Scenarios

Scenario 1: Request You’ve Declined

Them: “I need you to lend me money.” You: “That doesn’t work for me.” Them: “But I’m desperate! You don’t understand—” You: “That doesn’t work for me.” Them: “You’re so selfish! After everything I’ve done for you!” You: “That doesn’t work for me.” Them: “Fine, I guess I’ll just suffer then.” You: “That doesn’t work for me.”

Scenario 2: Intrusive Questions

Them: “Who were you talking to?” You: “That’s private.” Them: “We don’t have secrets in this family.” You: “That’s private.” Them: “Are you hiding something? What are you up to?” You: “That’s private.” Them: “I have a right to know what goes on under my roof!” You: “That’s private.”

Scenario 3: Pressuring After a Decision

Them: “You have to come to Christmas.” You: “I’ve made my decision.” Them: “But everyone will be there! You’ll ruin it for everyone.” You: “I’ve made my decision.” Them: “You’re being ridiculous. What will people think?” You: “I’ve made my decision.” Them: “Is this about last year? I apologized already!” You: “I’ve made my decision.”

What Not to Do

Don’t Explain

Explanations invite:

• Arguments against your reasons
• “That’s not a good enough reason”
• Endless debate
• Exhaustion

Your boundary doesn’t require justification.

Don’t Defend

Defending implies:

• You might be wrong
• You need to convince them
• Their approval is needed
• The boundary is negotiable

Don’t Engage with Their Tactics

When they:

• Argue: “That doesn’t work for me.”
• Guilt trip: “That doesn’t work for me.”
• Threaten: “That doesn’t work for me.”
• Play victim: “That doesn’t work for me.”
• Rage: “That doesn’t work for me.” (or disengage)

Don’t Change Your Words

Variation gives them:

• Something new to attack
• Hope that you might bend
• Material to work with
• A reason to keep trying

Handling Common Tactics

When They Demand Reasons

“Why not?” Don’t: Launch into explanations Do: “My answer is no.”

“You owe me an explanation!” Don’t: Feel obligated to provide one Do: “My answer is no.”

When They Guilt Trip

“I guess you just don’t love me.” Don’t: Reassure or cave Do: “My answer is no.”

“After everything I’ve sacrificed for you…” Don’t: Get drawn into the past Do: “My answer is no.”

When They Escalate

“You’re going to regret this!” Don’t: Engage with the threat Do: “My answer is no.” (or leave)

“This is ridiculous! What’s wrong with you?” Don’t: Defend your mental state Do: “My answer is no.”

When They Cry or Plead

“Please, I’m begging you…” Don’t: Rescue them Do: “My answer is no.”

“You’re my only hope…” Don’t: Take responsibility for their feelings Do: “My answer is no.”

The Extinction Burst

What It Is

When their tactics don’t work, they often:

• Try harder
• Escalate dramatically
• Pull out every trick
• Get more extreme

This is an extinction burst—like a vending machine being kicked harder when it doesn’t dispense.

Why It Happens

Their behavior has worked before. When it stops working, they don’t immediately give up—they intensify, hoping the old approach will work if they try harder.

How to Handle It

• Expect it
• Stay calm
• Keep repeating
• Disengage if needed
• Don’t reward escalation

If they learn that escalation doesn’t work either, they’ll eventually stop.

Combining with Other Techniques

With Grey Rock

• Grey rock delivery (boring, flat)
• Broken record content (same words repeated)
• Doubly unrewarding for them

With Medium Chill

• Pleasant but firm tone
• Same words each time
• Friendly but immovable

With Leaving

If broken record isn’t working:

• “I’m going to end this conversation.”
• Then do it
• The ultimate boundary

For Survivors

If you’re learning the broken record technique:

• You don’t owe explanations
• Your “no” is complete
• Repetition isn’t rudeness
• Their discomfort isn’t your problem
• Boundaries don’t require justification

You’ve probably been trained to justify every decision, to explain until they understand, to keep discussing until you reach agreement. With narcissists, that’s a trap. They’ll never agree. They’ll never stop arguing. They’ll wear you down through sheer persistence.

Broken record removes you from that game entirely. You’re not trying to convince them. You’re not seeking their approval. You’re simply stating your position and refusing to move. That’s not rude—it’s self-protective.

They will be frustrated. They will escalate. They may say terrible things. And still, your boundary stands: “My answer is no.” Those four words, repeated calmly as many times as needed, are more powerful than any argument you could construct. You don’t need to win the debate. You just need to maintain your position.

The broken record isn’t about them. It’s about you—your boundary, your energy, your refusal to be worn down. Keep repeating.