Safety Planning

What Is Safety Planning?

A safety plan is a personalized, practical strategy for protecting yourself in or leaving an abusive relationship. It’s not just about the moment of leaving—it covers before, during, and after, recognizing that leaving is often a process, not a single event, and that the period around leaving is often the most dangerous.

Safety planning acknowledges reality: that abusers frequently escalate when they sense loss of control, that leaving requires resources and coordination, and that having a plan dramatically increases your chances of getting out safely.

Why Safety Planning Matters

The Danger of Leaving

Statistics show that leaving is the most dangerous time:

• Abuse often escalates around separation
• The period after leaving has increased risk
• Impulsive, unplanned leaving can be dangerous
• Abusers who feel loss of control may become more violent

The Power of Preparation

A safety plan:

• Helps you think through scenarios in advance
• Reduces the need for improvisation in crisis
• Gathers resources you’ll need
• Identifies support people
• Increases your options and control

Elements of a Safety Plan

Safe Places to Go

Identify where you can go:

• Friends or family who are safe
• Domestic violence shelters
• Hotels or motels
• Any place the abuser doesn’t know about
• Multiple options (primary and backup)

Consider:

• Does the abuser know this location?
• Will people there protect your privacy?
• Can you get there without being tracked?

Important Documents

Gather or know the location of:

• Identification (passport, driver’s license, birth certificates)
• Social Security cards
• Financial records (bank statements, tax returns)
• Marriage/divorce certificates
• Children’s documents
• Medical records
• Evidence of abuse (photos, messages, reports)
• Keys (house, car, storage)
• Legal documents (custody orders, restraining orders)

If you can’t take originals, make copies or take photos. Consider keeping copies with a trusted person or in a secure digital location.

Emergency Contacts

Identify and memorize:

• Domestic violence hotlines
• Trusted friends and family
• Local shelter numbers
• Your attorney (if applicable)
• Law enforcement contacts
• Therapist or counselor

Money and Financial Resources

• Save money secretly if possible
• Know your financial situation
• Have cash on hand
• Have access to accounts
• Know about hidden assets or debts
• Consider a separate account the abuser doesn’t know about

Communication Strategy

• How will you communicate safely?
• Is your phone monitored?
• Consider a burner phone or separate email
• Have a code word with trusted people
• Delete call/message history if needed
• Be aware of tracking on devices

Children and Pets

If applicable:

• Include them in the plan
• Teach children basic safety
• Have their documents ready
• Plan for custody complications
• Arrange pet care if you can’t take them immediately
• Never put children in the middle

What to Pack

Prepare a bag hidden somewhere accessible:

• Documents
• Essential medications
• Change of clothes
• Phone/charger
• Cash
• Basic toiletries
• Children’s essentials
• Irreplaceable items (photos, sentimental objects)
• Key contact information written down

Leaving Undetected

Think through logistics:

• When is the safest time to leave?
• How will you transport belongings?
• Who can help you move?
• How will you leave without detection?
• What’s your route?
• How will you prevent tracking?

Post-Separation Safety

Plan for after you leave:

• Securing your new location
• Legal protections (restraining orders)
• Workplace safety
• Children’s school safety
• Digital security
• How to handle contact attempts
• Ongoing documentation

Safety Planning While Staying

If you’re not ready or able to leave:

Know the Warning Signs

• What signals escalation?
• When is the abuser most dangerous?
• What triggers violence?
• How can you anticipate risk?

Create Exit Routes

• Know how to leave each room quickly
• Keep keys accessible
• Have escape routes planned
• Identify a room with a lock (as temporary refuge)

Prepare Secretly

• Hidden bag
• Hidden money
• Hidden documents
• Maintain outside connections
• Document abuse when safe

Protect Yourself During Violence

• Move to rooms with exits (avoid bathrooms, kitchens)
• Try to de-escalate if safe
• Have a code word for others to call for help
• Know when to prioritize escape over possessions

Digital Safety

In today’s world, digital safety is crucial:

Devices

• Are your devices being monitored?
• Consider using library computers
• Get a burner phone if possible
• Clear browser history
• Be aware of shared cloud accounts

Tracking

• Check for tracking apps or devices on phone
• AirTags or GPS devices in car/belongings
• Location sharing on accounts
• “Find My” features

Accounts

• Shared accounts can be monitored
• Consider separate email for safety planning
• Change passwords when safe
• Two-factor authentication

Social Media

• Review privacy settings
• Be careful what you post
• The abuser may monitor through others
• Location tagging can reveal whereabouts

Working with Professionals

Domestic Violence Advocates

• Free, confidential support
• Help creating safety plans
• Know local resources
• Understand the dynamics
• Available through hotlines and shelters

Legal Help

• Attorneys can advise on custody, divorce, protection orders
• Legal aid may be available
• Document everything for legal purposes

Therapists/Counselors

• Emotional support during planning
• Help with decision-making
• Process trauma
• Ideally trauma-informed

Law Enforcement

• Know local resources and limitations
• Understand what police can and cannot do
• Some departments have DV specialists
• Reports create documentation

Special Circumstances

If You Have Children

• Their safety is paramount
• Plan for custody issues
• Never disparage the abuser to children
• Have their documents ready
• Prepare them appropriately for their age
• Know that courts may be involved

If You’re Financially Dependent

• Start planning early
• Know your financial situation
• Explore employment or benefits
• Shelters can help with resources
• Financial abuse is recognized

If You’re Isolated

• Rebuilding connections is crucial
• Hotlines can help even just to talk
• Online support groups
• Start where you can

If the Abuser Is in Law Enforcement/Legal Field

• Safety planning is still possible
• Specialized resources exist
• Be extra careful about confidentiality
• Document everything

Remember

• Your safety is the priority
• Leaving takes time and planning—that’s okay
• You know your situation best
• Asking for help is strength
• Resources exist
• You can do this

For Survivors

If you’re thinking about leaving:

• You are not alone
• Planning is not betrayal—it’s protection
• Take your time to plan carefully
• Reach out for support
• Your safety matters

If you’re not ready to leave:

• That’s okay
• You can still plan
• You can still reduce risk
• Your pace is your own
• Resources are available when you’re ready

National Domestic Violence Hotline (US): 1-800-799-7233 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

Safety planning is an act of self-preservation. It’s not paranoid—it’s practical. It’s not disloyal—it’s survival. The plan you make is a bridge between where you are and where you deserve to be: safe.