"Reflective functioning is the bridge between attachment and empathy—the capacity to hold in mind that you and others have internal mental lives that drive behavior. When parents mentalize their children, children learn to mentalize themselves and others. The narcissistic parent, who cannot see the child's mind, cannot teach the child to see minds—including their own."
What is Reflective Functioning?
Reflective functioning (RF) is the capacity to understand behavior—both your own and others’—as driven by internal mental states such as thoughts, feelings, beliefs, desires, and intentions. It’s the ability to think about mental states and recognize their role in shaping behavior.
The concept was developed by Peter Fonagy and colleagues as a way to operationalize and measure mentalization—the broader capacity to understand minds. When researchers speak of reflective functioning, they’re referring to a specific, measurable aspect of mentalization.
The Core Capacity
Understanding Others’ Minds
Recognizing that other people’s actions are driven by what’s going on internally for them—their beliefs, fears, desires, and intentions. Understanding that someone snapped at you might be because they’re anxious, not because you did something wrong.
Understanding Your Own Mind
Recognizing that your own reactions are also driven by mental states. Understanding that you’re procrastinating might be because you’re afraid of failure, not because you’re lazy.
Making Connections
Linking observable behavior to underlying mental processes, both in the moment and across time. Seeing patterns in how mental states shape behavior.
Why Reflective Functioning Matters
For Attachment
RF is strongly associated with attachment security:
- Parents with high RF tend to have securely attached children
- RF in parents predicts children’s attachment status better than parents’ own attachment history
- This is how security can be transmitted even when parents had difficult childhoods
For Emotional Regulation
Understanding that emotions have causes and purposes helps regulate them. “I’m feeling anxious because this situation reminds me of past experiences” is more manageable than mysterious overwhelming anxiety.
For Relationships
RF enables:
- Understanding partners’ perspectives
- Recognizing that others’ behavior has internal reasons
- Responding to what’s driving behavior, not just the behavior itself
- Empathy and compassionate response
For Self-Understanding
RF allows you to:
- Make sense of your own reactions
- Recognize patterns
- Understand rather than just act out
- Choose responses rather than being driven by unexamined states
Development of Reflective Functioning
Caregiver Foundation
RF develops primarily through early relationships with caregivers who:
- Wonder about the child’s experience (“I think you’re feeling frustrated”)
- Name mental states (“You look scared”)
- Respond to the child as someone with a mind
- Model reflective thinking about their own mental states
Marked Mirroring
The caregiver reflects the child’s states back in a way that’s “marked”—showing they’re thinking about the child’s experience rather than expressing their own. This teaches the child that minds can understand minds.
Intergenerational Transmission
Parents’ RF predicts children’s attachment and RF. This is how security—or insecurity—passes through generations. A parent who can mentalize transmits that capacity; one who cannot, transmits that deficit.
Narcissistic Parenting and RF
The RF Deficit in Narcissism
Narcissistic parents often have impaired RF themselves:
- They struggle to understand others’ minds as separate from their own
- They project rather than perceive
- They respond to their own mental states, not the child’s
Impact on Children
Without being mentalized, children:
- Don’t learn that they have minds worth understanding
- Aren’t taught to link behavior to mental states
- May develop poor RF themselves
- Often struggle with emotional regulation and relationships
What Wasn’t Provided
The narcissistic parent couldn’t provide:
- Curiosity about the child’s experience
- Accurate naming of mental states
- Response to the child’s actual inner life
- Modeling of self-reflection
Measuring Reflective Functioning
The Reflective Functioning Scale
RF is typically measured by applying the Reflective Functioning Scale to Adult Attachment Interview (AAI) transcripts. Raters assess:
- Awareness of mental states
- Explicit recognition of mental states’ role in behavior
- Recognition that mental states can be hidden or disguised
- Understanding developmental change in mental states
RF Levels
Scores range from -1 (anti-reflective) to 9 (exceptional):
- Negative RF: Actively refuses to consider mental states
- Absent RF (1-2): Behavior explained without reference to mental states
- Low RF (3-4): Basic awareness but limited sophistication
- Ordinary RF (5-6): Good capacity for reflection on mental states
- High RF (7-9): Sophisticated, nuanced understanding
Improving Reflective Functioning
Through Therapy
Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) was specifically developed to improve RF. Other therapies that involve exploring mental states also tend to improve RF:
- Psychodynamic therapy
- Schema therapy
- Some trauma therapies
Through Relationships
Relationships with people who mentalize you can improve RF:
- Being genuinely wondered about
- Having someone name your mental states accurately
- Experiencing that your mind is interesting and worth understanding
Through Practice
Deliberately practicing reflection:
- Journaling about internal states
- Asking “why might I be feeling this?”
- Considering others’ mental states
- Therapy homework focused on mentalization
For Survivors
If you grew up with parents who didn’t mentalize you:
- Your mind was always worth understanding—they just couldn’t see it
- RF can be developed in adulthood
- Therapy can provide the mentalizing relationship you didn’t have
- Learning to understand your own mind is part of healing
- You can break the cycle—you don’t have to pass this deficit forward
Understanding reflective functioning helps explain what was missing and what can be rebuilt. The capacity to understand minds—your own and others’—can develop at any age. The mentalization you weren’t given can be learned.
Frequently Asked Questions
Reflective functioning (RF) is the capacity to understand behavior—in yourself and others—as connected to internal mental states like thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and intentions. It's the operationalization of mentalization, measuring how well someone can think about mental states.
RF develops through early relationships with caregivers who themselves demonstrate reflective functioning—who wonder about the child's experience, name mental states, and respond to the child as a person with a mind. When caregivers mentalize children, children learn to mentalize.
RF is strongly linked to secure attachment and emotional health. It allows understanding of your own and others' behavior, emotional regulation, empathy, and healthy relationships. Low RF is associated with relationship difficulties, emotional problems, and transmission of insecure attachment.
Narcissistic parents often have low RF themselves and don't mentalize their children—they see projections rather than the child's actual mind. Children aren't taught to understand mental states because their own mental states are ignored or overwritten. This can impair RF development.
Yes. Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) was developed specifically to improve RF. Regular therapy that involves exploring mental states also tends to improve RF. The capacity can develop in adulthood through relationships that model and encourage mentalizing.
RF is typically measured through the Reflective Functioning Scale applied to Adult Attachment Interview transcripts. It assesses how well someone can think about and articulate mental states—their own and their caregivers'—when discussing attachment-related experiences.
