APA Citation
Bloch, L., Haase, C., & Levenson, R. (2014). Emotion Regulation Predicts Marital Satisfaction: More Than a Wives' Tale. *Emotion*, 14(1), 130-144. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0034272
Summary
This longitudinal study examined how emotion regulation affects marital satisfaction over time. Researchers found that the ability to regulate negative emotions—particularly downregulating anger, contempt, and sadness during conflict—predicted marital satisfaction years later. The effect was stronger for wives' regulation predicting husbands' satisfaction, suggesting emotion regulation skills ripple through relationships.
Why This Matters for Survivors
If you're rebuilding relationships after narcissistic abuse, this research emphasizes the importance of emotion regulation skills. Narcissists typically have poor emotion regulation—their rage, contempt, and emotional volatility damage relationships. Learning to regulate your own emotions, and recognizing dysregulation in others, supports healthier relationships.
What This Research Establishes
Emotion regulation predicts relationship quality. Partners who regulate negative emotions effectively have more satisfying relationships over time. Regulation skills protect relationships.
Downregulating negative emotions matters. Particularly managing anger, contempt, and sadness during conflict predicts better outcomes. Unregulated negative emotion damages relationships.
Regulation skills ripple through relationships. One partner’s emotion regulation affects both partners’ satisfaction. Skills (or deficits) don’t stay contained.
Longitudinal effects persist. Emotion regulation predicted marital satisfaction years later, suggesting these skills have lasting impact on relationship quality.
Why This Matters for Survivors
Understanding what went wrong. The narcissist’s poor emotion regulation—rage, contempt, emotional volatility—predictably damaged your relationship. This research explains why those patterns were so destructive.
Developing your own skills. You may have learned dysregulated patterns from the narcissistic relationship. Developing emotion regulation skills supports healthier future relationships.
Recognizing dysregulation in others. When evaluating potential partners, notice emotion regulation. Volatile anger, contempt, inability to manage emotions are warning signs—the research shows these predict relationship problems.
Not suppression, regulation. Healthy emotion regulation doesn’t mean suppressing feelings—it means modulating expression. You can feel anger without rage; sadness without being consumed. This serves authentic connection.
Clinical Implications
Assess emotion regulation. In patients with relationship difficulties, assess emotion regulation skills. Poor regulation may underlie relationship problems.
Teach regulation skills. Emotion regulation can be learned. DBT, mindfulness approaches, and other interventions can develop these skills.
Connect abuse history to dysregulation. Survivors of narcissistic abuse may have developed dysregulated patterns. Help them see the connection and build healthier skills.
Consider both partners. Emotion regulation ripples through relationships. Working with one partner’s regulation can improve both partners’ satisfaction.
How This Research Is Used in the Book
Bloch and colleagues’ research appears in chapters on relationships:
“This research demonstrates what you may have experienced: emotion regulation—or its absence—predicts relationship satisfaction. The narcissist’s rage, contempt, and emotional volatility weren’t just unpleasant; they systematically destroyed relationship quality. If you learned dysregulated patterns in that relationship, developing regulation skills supports healthier future relationships. Regulation doesn’t mean suppression—it means modulating expression. You can feel anger without rage, sadness without being consumed. When evaluating potential partners, notice their regulation. Volatility, contempt, inability to manage emotions are warning signs. The research shows these patterns predict relationship problems.”
Historical Context
This 2014 study contributed to decades of research on emotions in relationships, building on foundational work by John Gottman, Robert Levenson, and others. The longitudinal design—following couples over time—allowed causal inference about how regulation affects outcomes.
Further Reading
- Gottman, J.M. (1994). Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. Simon & Schuster.
- Gross, J.J. (Ed.). (2013). Handbook of Emotion Regulation (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
- Levenson, R.W. (1999). The intrapersonal functions of emotion. Cognition and Emotion, 13(5), 481-504.
About the Author
Robert W. Levenson, PhD is Professor of Psychology at UC Berkeley and a leading researcher on emotion and relationships. His longitudinal studies of married couples have revealed how emotional processes affect relationship outcomes over time.
Historical Context
Published in 2014 in Emotion, this study contributed to understanding of how emotional skills affect relationship quality. The research built on decades of Levenson's work using physiological measures and behavioral observation to study couples.
Frequently Asked Questions
The ability to modulate emotional experience and expression—calming yourself when angry, not letting contempt show, managing sadness. It involves both awareness of emotions and strategies for managing them.
Partners who regulate emotions effectively—especially during conflict—have more satisfying relationships. Unregulated negative emotion damages relationships; regulation skills protect them.
Narcissists typically have poor emotion regulation—narcissistic rage, contempt for others, volatile moods. This emotional dysregulation predictably damages relationships, as this research would expect.
Yes. While some people naturally regulate emotions better, regulation skills can be developed through therapy, practice, and mindfulness. This is one component of DBT and other evidence-based treatments.
The researchers speculate about gendered relationship roles, but the key finding is that emotion regulation ripples through relationships—your skills affect your partner's experience.
The study found downregulating anger, contempt, and sadness particularly important. These negative emotions, left unregulated, predict declining relationship satisfaction.
Survivors may have learned dysregulated emotional patterns from narcissistic relationships. Developing emotion regulation skills supports healthier future relationships. Also helps recognize dysregulation in potential partners.
Regulation doesn't mean suppression—it means modulating expression appropriately. You can feel anger without expressing rage; you can be sad without being consumed by it. Regulation serves authentic expression.