APA Citation
Smolewska, K., & Dion, K. (2005). Narcissism and adult attachment: A multivariate approach. *Self and Identity*, 4(1), 59-68. https://doi.org/10.1080/13576500444000218
Summary
This research examines the complex relationship between narcissistic personality traits and adult attachment patterns using sophisticated statistical analysis. Smolewska and Dion found that narcissism correlates with insecure attachment styles, particularly avoidant attachment in grandiose narcissists and anxious attachment in vulnerable narcissists. The study revealed that different forms of narcissism emerge from distinct attachment disruptions in early relationships, providing crucial insights into how childhood experiences shape adult narcissistic behaviors and relationship patterns.
Why This Matters for Survivors
This research validates what survivors often experience - that narcissistic abusers' behaviors stem from deep-seated attachment wounds. Understanding that narcissistic traits connect to specific attachment styles helps survivors recognize patterns in their abuser's behavior and their own trauma responses. It also explains why narcissistic relationships often feel so intensely chaotic, as they involve the collision of different insecure attachment systems seeking connection while simultaneously fearing intimacy.
What This Research Establishes
Narcissistic traits are strongly linked to insecure attachment patterns formed in early childhood relationships, with grandiose narcissists showing more avoidant attachment and vulnerable narcissists displaying anxious attachment styles.
Different forms of narcissism emerge from distinct attachment disruptions, indicating that narcissistic behavior represents an adaptation to early relational trauma rather than simply a character flaw or choice.
The relationship between narcissism and attachment is complex and multifaceted, requiring sophisticated analysis to understand how childhood experiences translate into adult relationship patterns and emotional regulation strategies.
Attachment insecurity in narcissists creates predictable relationship dynamics, including fear of intimacy, difficulty with emotional regulation, and the tendency to use others to manage internal emotional states rather than forming genuine connections.
Why This Matters for Survivors
This research provides crucial validation that the chaotic, painful dynamics you experienced weren’t random or your fault. When narcissistic individuals have disrupted attachment systems, their behavior in relationships becomes predictably unpredictable - they simultaneously need connection while being terrified of genuine intimacy.
Understanding that narcissistic abuse often involves the collision of different insecure attachment styles can help explain why these relationships feel so intensely addictive yet destructive. Your nervous system may have been responding to familiar attachment patterns, even when they were harmful.
The research also illuminates why narcissistic partners often seem to need you desperately while simultaneously devaluing you. Their attachment wounds drive them to seek the very intimacy they then find threatening, creating the push-pull cycle that leaves survivors feeling confused and emotionally exhausted.
Recognizing these patterns as attachment-based can redirect your healing focus toward understanding your own attachment needs and wounds, rather than endlessly trying to decode your abuser’s contradictory behaviors. Your attachment system deserves care and healing.
Clinical Implications
This research suggests that effective treatment for narcissistic abuse survivors must address both trauma symptoms and underlying attachment wounds. Traditional PTSD treatments may be insufficient without also focusing on relational patterns and attachment security.
Clinicians should assess both the client’s attachment style and their understanding of their abuser’s likely attachment patterns. This dual awareness helps survivors make sense of relationship dynamics and reduces self-blame for being drawn into or staying in abusive relationships.
The findings support using attachment-informed therapies that help survivors develop earned security through the therapeutic relationship. Corrective relational experiences become crucial for healing the attachment disruptions often exacerbated by narcissistic abuse.
Therapists working with this population should understand that survivors may display attachment behaviors in therapy that mirror their trauma responses. Hypervigilance, testing behaviors, or difficulty trusting the therapeutic relationship likely reflect adaptive responses to attachment-based abuse.
How This Research Is Used in the Book
Chapter 3 draws on Smolewska and Dion’s findings to explain how childhood attachment disruptions create the foundation for later narcissistic adaptations, helping readers understand the developmental roots of abusive behavior patterns.
“When we understand that narcissistic abuse represents the collision of wounded attachment systems, we can begin to see why these relationships feel so intensely chaotic. The narcissistic individual’s attachment system is simultaneously seeking and fleeing connection, creating the bewildering hot-and-cold dynamics that leave survivors questioning their own perceptions and worth.”
Historical Context
Published in 2005, this research emerged during a crucial period when attachment theory was being integrated with personality psychology research. The study provided empirical support for psychodynamic theories about narcissistic development while offering a more nuanced understanding of how different attachment styles contribute to various expressions of narcissistic traits. This work helped validate clinical observations about the connection between early relational trauma and later personality organization.
Further Reading
• Bartholomew, K., & Horowitz, L. M. (1991). Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61(2), 226-244.
• Dutton, D. G. (1998). The abusive personality: Violence and control in intimate relationships. Guilford Press.
• Ronningstam, E. (2005). Identifying and understanding the narcissistic personality. Oxford University Press.
About the Author
Kathy Smolewska is a research psychologist specializing in personality psychology and individual differences at the University of Toronto. Her work focuses on understanding how personality traits interact with social and emotional functioning.
Kenneth L. Dion is a distinguished professor of psychology at the University of Toronto, renowned for his extensive research on social psychology, relationships, and cultural psychology. He has published over 100 research articles examining how individual differences affect social relationships and interpersonal dynamics.
Historical Context
Published in 2005, this research emerged during a period of growing integration between attachment theory and personality psychology. It provided empirical validation for clinical observations about the connection between early attachment disruptions and later narcissistic development, helping bridge psychodynamic and empirical approaches to understanding personality disorders.
Frequently Asked Questions
Narcissistic abusers typically have insecure attachment styles that drive their need to control relationships. Grandiose narcissists often show avoidant attachment, appearing self-sufficient while secretly fearing abandonment. Vulnerable narcissists display anxious attachment, becoming clingy and demanding.
Research shows narcissists have disrupted attachment systems from childhood, making genuine intimacy threatening. They simultaneously crave connection and fear vulnerability, leading to the push-pull dynamics survivors often experience.
Yes, recognizing both your own and your abuser's attachment patterns helps survivors understand relationship dynamics weren't their fault. It also guides healing by identifying specific attachment wounds that need therapeutic attention.
Survivors frequently develop anxious or disorganized attachment styles due to the unpredictable nature of narcissistic abuse. They may become hypervigilant to relationship threats while desperately seeking security.
No, grandiose narcissists typically show avoidant attachment patterns, while vulnerable narcissists display anxious attachment. This explains why different narcissists can behave quite differently in relationships while still being abusive.
Attachment patterns form in the first few years of life through interactions with primary caregivers. Inconsistent, neglectful, or abusive early care can lead to the insecure attachment styles associated with later narcissistic development.
Attachment styles can change through intensive therapy, but narcissists rarely seek genuine help due to their defensive structure. Change requires acknowledging vulnerability and attachment needs, which threatens their grandiose self-image.
The intermittent reinforcement in narcissistic relationships activates attachment systems powerfully. Survivors may have attachment styles that are unconsciously drawn to the familiar chaos of insecure attachment, mistaking intensity for love.