APA Citation
Brummelman, E., Thomaes, S., & Sedikides, C. (2016). Separating Narcissism From Self-Esteem. *Current Directions in Psychological Science*, 25(1), 8-13. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721415619737
Summary
This influential review clarifies the crucial distinction between narcissism and self-esteem—two constructs often conflated in popular discussion. Narcissism involves feeling superior to others, entitled to privileges, and focused on social dominance and admiration. Self-esteem involves feeling worthy and accepting of oneself regardless of comparisons to others. Critically, the two have different developmental origins (overvaluation produces narcissism; warmth produces self-esteem), different correlates (narcissism links to aggression; self-esteem links to well-being), and different social consequences. Understanding this distinction is essential for healthy development and for distinguishing genuine confidence from pathological grandiosity.
Why This Matters for Survivors
If you've wondered whether confidence is actually narcissism, or worried that building self-esteem might create entitlement, this review clarifies the distinction. Healthy self-esteem isn't narcissism. You can feel good about yourself without believing you're superior to others. Understanding this distinction matters for recovery—building self-esteem after narcissistic abuse doesn't mean becoming a narcissist. It means developing self-acceptance that doesn't depend on being "better than" anyone.
What This Review Establishes
Narcissism and self-esteem are distinct. Though often conflated, narcissism (feeling superior to others) and self-esteem (feeling worthy as a person) are different constructs with weak correlation. You can have high self-esteem without narcissism, and narcissism often masks rather than reflects genuine self-acceptance.
Different developmental origins. Parental overvaluation predicts narcissism; parental warmth predicts self-esteem. The same parenting can produce one without the other, depending on whether it communicates superiority or acceptance.
Different consequences. Self-esteem correlates with well-being and healthy functioning. Narcissism correlates with aggression, relationship dysfunction, and poor long-term outcomes. Despite superficial similarities (both involve positive self-views), their effects differ dramatically.
Different intervention targets. Building self-esteem requires fostering self-acceptance. Addressing narcissism requires challenging inflated self-views. Conflating the constructs leads to misdirected interventions.
Why This Matters for Survivors
Recovery includes building self-esteem. If you worry that developing confidence after narcissistic abuse means becoming like your abuser, understand the distinction. Self-esteem is self-acceptance; narcissism is claimed superiority. Building healthy self-regard is not only safe—it’s essential for recovery.
Understanding the narcissist’s self-view. Narcissists appear confident but their self-esteem is fragile, contingent on external validation, and easily threatened. Understanding this helps make sense of their reactions: the rage at criticism, the need for constant admiration, the collapse when supply fails.
Distinguishing confidence from grandiosity. In evaluating potential partners, colleagues, or friends, the distinction matters. Genuine confidence is grounded in competence and tolerates failure. Narcissistic grandiosity claims superiority and reacts aggressively to challenges. The person’s response to criticism often reveals which you’re seeing.
Parenting after abuse. If you’re raising children after experiencing narcissism, this research guides healthy parenting: warmth and acceptance build self-esteem without producing narcissism. You can help your children feel worthy without teaching them they’re superior.
Clinical Implications
Distinguish targets of intervention. Treatment for low self-esteem differs from treatment for narcissism. Assess which (or both) the patient shows. Self-esteem work focuses on self-acceptance; narcissism work challenges inflated self-views.
Reassure patients about self-esteem building. Patients recovering from narcissistic abuse may fear that building confidence makes them narcissistic. Education about the distinction supports healthy self-esteem development.
Assess self-esteem fragility. Narcissists may report high self-esteem, but it’s contingent and fragile. Assess not just level but stability and contingency of self-esteem.
Guide parents accurately. When working with parents, distinguish between warmth (beneficial) and overvaluation (potentially harmful). Both can feel like “supporting” the child; their effects differ.
How This Research Is Used in the Book
This review appears in early chapters distinguishing healthy from pathological narcissism:
“Narcissism and self-esteem are often confused but fundamentally different. Self-esteem is feeling worthy as a person; narcissism is feeling superior to others. You can develop healthy self-regard—essential for recovery—without replicating the narcissist’s grandiosity. The goal is ‘I am valuable,’ not ‘I am better than everyone.’”
Historical Context
Published in 2016 in Current Directions in Psychological Science, this review synthesized research addressing cultural confusion about narcissism and self-esteem. Concerns about rising narcissism among young people had led some to question whether self-esteem building efforts had backfired.
By clarifying that narcissism and self-esteem are distinct—with different origins, correlates, and consequences—the review provided essential nuance. Self-esteem remains a worthy goal; the concern should focus on overvaluation and superiority claims, not self-acceptance.
Further Reading
- Brummelman, E., et al. (2015). Origins of narcissism in children. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 112(12), 3659-3662.
- Neff, K.D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.
- Twenge, J.M., & Campbell, W.K. (2009). The Narcissism Epidemic. Atria Books.
- Crocker, J., & Park, L.E. (2004). The costly pursuit of self-esteem. Psychological Bulletin, 130(3), 392-414.
About the Author
Eddie Brummelman, PhD is a developmental psychologist at the University of Amsterdam. Sander Thomaes, PhD is Professor of Psychology at Utrecht University. Constantine Sedikides, PhD is Professor of Social Psychology at the University of Southampton and one of the world's leading researchers on self and identity.
This review appeared in *Current Directions in Psychological Science*, a journal publishing authoritative short reviews of cutting-edge research. It synthesized years of research distinguishing narcissism from self-esteem.
Historical Context
Published in 2016, this review appeared amid cultural concerns about narcissism (particularly among young people) and confusion about whether efforts to build self-esteem had backfired into entitlement. By clarifying that narcissism and self-esteem are distinct constructs with different origins and consequences, the review provided essential nuance for both scientific and popular discussion.
Frequently Asked Questions
Narcissism is feeling superior to others—'I'm better than other people.' Self-esteem is feeling worthy as a person—'I'm a valuable person.' Narcissism requires social comparison (I'm better); self-esteem doesn't (I'm worthwhile regardless of comparisons). They're weakly correlated: you can have high self-esteem without narcissism, and narcissism often masks low self-esteem.
The relationship is complex. Narcissists report high self-esteem on questionnaires, but their self-esteem is fragile—contingent on external validation and easily threatened. Some researchers distinguish 'grandiose' self-presentation from underlying vulnerability. The grandiosity may mask rather than reflect genuine self-acceptance.
Brummelman's longitudinal research showed: parental overvaluation (my child is more special than others) predicts narcissism; parental warmth (I love and accept my child) predicts self-esteem. The same parenting can produce both high self-esteem and low narcissism, or vice versa, depending on whether it communicates superiority or acceptance.
Because interventions differ. Building self-esteem means fostering self-acceptance without superiority claims. Addressing narcissism means challenging inflated self-views and building genuine competence. Conflating them leads to either avoiding self-esteem work (fearing it creates narcissism) or misdirecting narcissism interventions.
Genuine confidence is based on actual competence and doesn't require feeling superior to others. You can be confident in your abilities without believing you're better than everyone. Narcissistic grandiosity claims superiority beyond evidence and reacts aggressively to challenges. Confidence tolerates failure and learns; narcissism defends against it.
Yes—and should. Survivors often have damaged self-esteem. Building self-acceptance doesn't mean becoming narcissistic. It means learning 'I am worthy' without needing 'I am superior.' This distinction is crucial for recovery: you can develop healthy self-regard without replicating the narcissist's pathology.
High self-esteem correlates with well-being, relationship satisfaction, and resilience. Narcissism correlates with aggression (especially when threatened), relationship dysfunction, and long-term poor outcomes. Self-esteem supports healthy functioning; narcissism undermines it, despite superficial similarities.
No—but praise wisely. Praise that communicates warmth and acceptance builds self-esteem. Praise that communicates superiority and specialness builds narcissism. 'You worked hard' differs from 'You're the smartest.' The research supports warm, accepting parenting without inflating children's sense of being better than others.