APA Citation
Lieberman, A., & Van Horn, P. (2005). Don't Hit My Mommy! A Manual for Child-Parent Psychotherapy with Young Witnesses of Family Violence. Zero to Three Press.
Summary
This groundbreaking manual presents Child-Parent Psychotherapy (CPP), a therapeutic approach specifically designed for young children who have witnessed domestic violence. Lieberman and Van Horn provide comprehensive guidance for treating trauma in children aged 0-6 and their caregivers, emphasizing the critical importance of healing the parent-child relationship after exposure to family violence. The approach recognizes that children's recovery depends largely on their primary caregiver's ability to provide safety and emotional regulation.
Why This Matters for Survivors
For survivors with young children, this research validates that witnessing abuse creates lasting trauma in children, even infants. The manual offers hope by demonstrating that specialized therapy can help both parent and child heal together. It emphasizes that recovery is possible when the protective parent receives proper support and therapeutic intervention to rebuild their child's sense of safety.
What This Research Establishes
Children as young as infants are profoundly affected by witnessing domestic violence, developing trauma symptoms that can impact their emotional, behavioral, and developmental functioning even when they are not directly physically harmed.
The parent-child relationship is the primary pathway for healing childhood trauma, with recovery depending largely on the protective parent’s ability to provide safety, emotional regulation, and secure attachment after exposure to violence.
Child-Parent Psychotherapy offers an evidence-based treatment approach that addresses both the child’s trauma symptoms and the parent’s capacity to provide therapeutic caregiving in the aftermath of domestic violence.
Early intervention is critical for preventing long-term developmental disruption, as young children’s brains are particularly vulnerable to trauma but also highly responsive to therapeutic intervention when provided with appropriate support.
Why This Matters for Survivors
If you’re a survivor with young children, this research validates something you may already know in your heart - your children were affected by what they witnessed, even if your abusive partner claimed they were “too young to understand” or “didn’t see anything.” The gaslighting that minimizes children’s awareness is part of the abuse pattern itself.
This work offers tremendous hope by showing that specialized therapy can help both you and your child heal together. You don’t have to navigate this alone, and your child’s recovery is absolutely possible with the right support. The research emphasizes that you, as the protective parent, are your child’s greatest source of healing.
Your own recovery journey directly supports your child’s healing process. As you rebuild your sense of safety and learn to regulate your own emotions after trauma, you naturally become better equipped to help your child feel secure and process their experiences.
The manual recognizes that protective parents are not to blame for their children’s trauma - the responsibility lies solely with the perpetrator of violence. Your love and commitment to your child’s wellbeing are the foundation upon which recovery is built.
Clinical Implications
Child-Parent Psychotherapy represents a paradigm shift in treating childhood trauma by focusing on the dyadic relationship rather than treating parent and child separately. This approach recognizes that young children’s emotional regulation and sense of safety are fundamentally tied to their primary caregiver’s emotional state and availability.
Clinicians working with families affected by narcissistic abuse can use this model to address the specific dynamics that emerge from psychological manipulation and emotional terrorism. The approach helps both parent and child develop language for confusing experiences and rebuild trust in their own perceptions.
The manual emphasizes the importance of trauma-informed care that doesn’t pathologize the protective parent’s responses to abuse. Instead, it frames symptoms like hypervigilance or emotional numbing as adaptive responses to dangerous situations that can be gently modified once safety is established.
Treatment planning must account for the reality that many survivors are still navigating ongoing contact with abusive partners through custody arrangements. The therapeutic work includes safety planning and helping both parent and child develop coping strategies for continued exposure to harmful dynamics.
How This Research Is Used in the Book
This foundational research on treating young trauma survivors informs our understanding of how narcissistic abuse creates intergenerational patterns of harm. The manual’s insights about parent-child healing are woven throughout discussions of breaking cycles of abuse and protecting the next generation.
“When we understand that a child’s recovery depends not just on removing them from violence, but on healing the sacred bond between parent and child that trauma seeks to destroy, we recognize that the survivor’s journey toward wholeness includes reclaiming their capacity to nurture and protect. This is not just individual healing - it is the restoration of love itself in the aftermath of systematic cruelty.”
Historical Context
Published in 2005, this manual emerged during a crucial period when the field was beginning to recognize that witnessing domestic violence constitutes a form of child maltreatment requiring specialized intervention. It built upon earlier attachment research while addressing the specific needs of very young children exposed to family violence, filling a critical gap in evidence-based treatments for this vulnerable population.
Further Reading
• Lieberman, A. F., Ghosh Ippen, C., & Marans, S. (2009). Psychodynamic therapy for child trauma. In E. B. Foa, T. M. Keane, M. J. Friedman, & J. A. Cohen (Eds.), Effective treatments for PTSD: Practice guidelines from the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies.
• Scheeringa, M. S., & Zeanah, C. H. (2001). A relational perspective on PTSD in early childhood. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 14(4), 799-815.
• Osofsky, J. D. (2003). Prevalence of children’s exposure to domestic violence and child maltreatment: Implications for prevention and intervention. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 6(3), 161-170.
About the Author
Alicia F. Lieberman is Professor of Medical Psychology at the University of California, San Francisco and Director of the Child Trauma Research Program. She is internationally recognized for her work in infant mental health and trauma treatment for young children and families.
Patricia Van Horn is Assistant Clinical Professor at UCSF and Associate Director of the Child Trauma Research Program. She specializes in early childhood trauma treatment and has extensive experience working with families affected by domestic violence.
Historical Context
Published in 2005, this manual emerged during a critical period when researchers were beginning to understand the profound impact of witnessing domestic violence on very young children. It represented a shift toward treating the parent-child relationship as the primary vehicle for healing childhood trauma.
Frequently Asked Questions
Even infants and toddlers who witness domestic violence can develop trauma symptoms including hypervigilance, regression in development, sleep disturbances, and difficulty forming secure attachments with caregivers.
Child-Parent Psychotherapy is a specialized treatment that works with both the child and protective parent together to rebuild safety, trust, and healthy attachment after exposure to domestic violence.
Yes, with appropriate therapeutic intervention and a protective, stable caregiver, children can recover from witnessing abuse. Early intervention is particularly effective for young children's developing brains.
Protective parents can help by providing consistent safety, validating the child's experiences, maintaining predictable routines, and seeking specialized trauma therapy for both themselves and their child.
Signs include excessive clinginess or withdrawal, regression in toilet training or speech, nightmares, aggressive play themes, fear responses to loud noises, and difficulty with emotional regulation.
Yes, specialized therapy like Child-Parent Psychotherapy can be highly effective for children as young as infancy when adapted appropriately for their developmental stage.
Children witnessing narcissistic abuse often experience confusion from gaslighting dynamics, fear from unpredictable emotional explosions, and loyalty conflicts between their parents.
The protective parent is crucial to recovery, as their own healing and ability to provide emotional safety directly impacts the child's capacity to process trauma and develop healthy coping mechanisms.