APA Citation
Cooke, J., Deneault, A., Devereux, C., Eirich, R., Fearon, R., & Madigan, S. (2022). Parental reflective functioning and its association with parenting behaviors in infancy and early childhood: A systematic review. *Frontiers in Psychology*, 13, 765312. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.765312
Summary
This systematic review examines parental reflective functioning—the ability to understand one's own and one's child's mental states (thoughts, feelings, motivations)—and its relationship to parenting behavior. The review found that higher parental reflective functioning was associated with more sensitive, responsive parenting and fewer harsh, intrusive behaviors. This suggests that parents' ability to mentalize—to hold their child's inner world in mind—supports positive parenting.
Why This Matters for Survivors
Narcissistic parents characteristically lack reflective functioning—they can't or won't see their children as separate beings with independent thoughts and feelings. This research shows why that matters: parental reflective functioning supports sensitive parenting. If your narcissistic parent couldn't see your inner world, this research explains the link to the insensitive, harsh, or intrusive parenting you experienced.
What This Research Establishes
Reflective functioning supports good parenting. Parents who can understand their own and their child’s mental states parent more sensitively and responsively.
Lack of reflective functioning predicts problems. Lower reflective functioning is associated with harsh, intrusive, or insensitive parenting—failing to respond to the child’s actual inner experience.
This connects to attachment. Parental reflective functioning contributes to secure attachment, as children who are seen and understood develop better.
Interventions can help. Reflective functioning can be developed through appropriate intervention, improving parenting capacity.
Why This Matters for Survivors
Understanding what was missing. Your narcissistic parent likely lacked reflective functioning—the capacity to see your inner world as separate from their own. This research explains why that absence led to insensitive, harsh, or intrusive parenting.
Why you weren’t seen. Being understood—having your inner experience held in another’s mind—supports healthy development. Narcissistic parents can’t provide this; they see children as extensions, not separate beings.
The impact on you. Without a parent who could reflect on your experience, you may have learned your inner life didn’t matter, wasn’t real, or had to be hidden. Recovery involves reclaiming your separate, valid inner world.
Developing this as a parent. If you want to parent differently, developing reflective functioning is key. Therapy can help; the goal is genuinely seeing your child as a separate person with their own inner experience.
Clinical Implications
Assess reflective functioning. In parents presenting with parenting difficulties, assess capacity to understand their own and child’s mental states.
Target reflective functioning in intervention. Mentalization-based approaches can develop reflective functioning, improving parenting.
Connect to narcissism. For survivors of narcissistic parenting, help them understand how their parent’s lack of reflective functioning affected their development.
Support development of this capacity. Help patients who are or will be parents develop reflective functioning to prevent intergenerational transmission.
How This Research Is Used in the Book
Cooke and colleagues’ review appears in chapters on narcissistic parenting:
“This research explains what was missing: parental reflective functioning—the ability to understand your inner world as separate from theirs. Narcissistic parents characteristically lack this capacity. They couldn’t see that you had your own thoughts, feelings, needs distinct from their expectations. You were an extension of them, not a separate person to be understood. The result: insensitive, harsh, or intrusive parenting that failed to respond to who you actually were. If you’re determined to parent differently, developing reflective functioning—genuinely seeing your child as a separate being with their own inner world—is key.”
Historical Context
This 2022 systematic review synthesized decades of research on mentalization and parenting, providing updated meta-analytic evidence on how parental reflective functioning affects parenting behavior. It builds on foundational work by Peter Fonagy, Arietta Slade, and others.
Further Reading
- Slade, A. (2005). Parental reflective functioning: An introduction. Attachment & Human Development, 7(3), 269-281.
- Fonagy, P., et al. (2002). Affect Regulation, Mentalization, and the Development of the Self. Other Press.
- Luyten, P., et al. (2017). The Parental Reflective Functioning Questionnaire. Development and Psychopathology, 29(2), 505-521.
About the Author
Sheri Madigan, PhD is Canada Research Chair in Determinants of Child Development and Associate Professor at the University of Calgary. Her research focuses on parent-child relationships and developmental psychopathology.
This systematic review synthesizes research on how parents' mental state understanding affects their parenting behavior.
Historical Context
Published in 2022, this review built on decades of research on mentalization and parenting, synthesizing the evidence on parental reflective functioning. It provides updated understanding of how parents' psychological capacities affect their parenting behavior.
Frequently Asked Questions
The ability to understand mental states—thoughts, feelings, intentions, motivations—in oneself and one's child. Parents with high reflective functioning can hold their child's inner world in mind, understanding that the child has their own separate experience.
Higher reflective functioning predicts more sensitive, responsive parenting—attending to the child's needs and responding appropriately. Lower reflective functioning predicts more harsh, intrusive, or insensitive parenting.
Narcissism involves difficulty seeing others as separate beings with independent inner lives. Narcissistic parents often can't or won't see their children's distinct thoughts and feelings—children are extensions of themselves, not separate people.
Without understanding the child's inner world, parents respond to behavior without understanding its meaning, misattribute motivations, can't soothe effectively because they don't know what the child feels, and may be intrusive or harsh.
Yes. Interventions that help parents understand their own and their children's mental states can improve reflective functioning and parenting. This is one target of mentalization-based treatments.
Children of parents with higher reflective functioning develop better attachment security and emotional regulation. Being seen and understood as a separate person supports healthy development.
If your narcissistic parent couldn't see your inner world—your separate thoughts, feelings, needs—this affected your development. You may have learned your inner life didn't matter. Recovery involves reclaiming your separate experience.
Therapy can develop reflective functioning, especially mentalization-based approaches. Practice wondering about your child's experience, being curious rather than assuming. Treatment addresses your own development to improve parenting.