Main, M., & Hesse, E. (1990) | References

What This Research Found

Mary Main and Erik Hesse's seminal 1990 chapter identified the mechanism that creates disorganized attachment—the most severe and prognostically concerning form of insecure attachment. Published in Attachment in the Preschool Years and cited over 3,000 times, this work fundamentally changed how researchers and clinicians understand the intergenerational transmission of trauma.

The frightened/frightening parent hypothesis: Main and Hesse proposed that disorganized attachment emerges when the parent behaves in frightened or frightening ways. The frightened parent may suddenly freeze, show fear expressions without apparent cause, or treat the infant as if the infant were the source of alarm. The frightening parent may display threatening expressions, sudden invasive movements, or dissociative episodes. Crucially, these behaviours often stem from the parent's own unresolved trauma or loss—the parent is not necessarily consciously hostile, but their unprocessed traumatic experiences "leak" into their caregiving in ways that alarm the infant.

The insoluble paradox: The research revealed why disorganized attachment is so damaging: the infant faces a situation with no solution. The attachment system is designed to drive infants toward caregivers when frightened—this is survival-critical. But when the caregiver is the source of fear, the infant cannot execute this programme. Approach the frightening figure and face danger; flee or avoid and lose access to the only potential protector. The infant's attachment behavioural system and fear behavioural system are simultaneously activated with contradictory action tendencies. There is no adaptive solution.

The breakdown of organised strategy: Main and Hesse documented how this impossible situation manifests behaviourally. Unlike securely attached infants (who seek proximity and are comforted) or insecurely attached infants (who have organised, if suboptimal, strategies—avoidance or resistance), disorganized infants show the collapse of strategy itself. In the Strange Situation Procedure, these infants display: contradictory behaviour patterns (approaching while looking away, reaching toward the parent while backing up); incomplete or undirected movements; freezing, stilling, or "underwater" slowed movements; direct indices of apprehension regarding the parent; and disoriented behaviours such as dazed expressions or disorganised wandering.

The intergenerational link: Perhaps most importantly, the research established that parental attachment status predicts infant disorganization. Parents classified as "Unresolved/Disorganised" on the Adult Attachment Interview—showing lapses in monitoring of reasoning or discourse when discussing loss or trauma—were significantly more likely to have infants classified as disorganized in the Strange Situation. This established a clear pathway for the intergenerational transmission of trauma: parental unresolved trauma produces frightened/frightening behaviour, which produces infant disorganization, which (without intervention) may produce the next generation's unresolved adults.

How This Research Is Used in the Book

Main and Hesse's research on disorganized attachment appears in multiple chapters of Narcissus and the Child, providing crucial insight into how narcissistic parenting creates its most severe effects. In Chapter 3: The Anxious Sibling—Borderline, the research illuminates the developmental pathway to borderline personality disorder:

"Mary Main's research on disorganised attachment is difficult to watch. The videos show infants crawling towards their mother while looking away, as if approaching a cliff edge. They freeze mid-approach, hands outstretched, faces blank with confusion. One famous clip shows a toddler circling her mother in a wide arc, never getting closer than three feet, orbiting like a satellite that cannot land. These children cannot develop a coherent strategy for managing attachment needs because no strategy works. Go to mother and she might hurt you. Stay away and you might die."

The book uses this research to explain how borderline pathology emerges from the impossible bind of disorganized attachment—where the caregiver is simultaneously source of comfort and unrelenting threat.

In Chapter 10: Diamorphic Scales, Main and Hesse's work explains the chronic unpredictability experienced by children of narcissistic parents:

"The infant of a narcissistic parent experiences chronic unpredictability. The parent is sometimes present, sometimes absent; sometimes warm, sometimes cold; sometimes attentive, sometimes rageful. The infant cannot predict when threat will occur. The only adaptive strategy is constant vigilance."

This citation supports the book's central argument that narcissistic parenting creates a specific neurobiological signature—the child's stress response system becomes calibrated for chronic unpredictability, producing hypervigilance that persists into adulthood.

In Chapter 5: Protective Factors and Resilience, Main's later research on "earned secure attachment" provides hope:

"Main identified 'earned secure attachment' because of these children's acceptance of the truth and their mature response. They go on to become adults who have experienced difficult early relationships but achieved genuine security through coherent, grounded narrative processing."

Why This Matters for Survivors

If you were raised by a narcissistic parent, Main and Hesse's research explains experiences you may have lived but never had words for.

Your confusion made perfect sense. The contradictory behaviour documented in disorganized infants—approaching while looking away, reaching while backing up—mirrors the impossible position you may have faced daily. Your parent might have been loving one moment and terrifying the next. You learned that the person you depended on for survival could also be dangerous. Your nervous system encoded this impossibility, and the confusion you felt wasn't weakness or oversensitivity—it was an accurate response to an insoluble situation.

Your hypervigilance was adaptive survival. Main and Hesse's research shows that when no organised attachment strategy works, the only option is constant monitoring. You may have become exquisitely attuned to your parent's moods, facial expressions, and tone of voice—learning to predict unpredictable shifts to protect yourself. This hypervigilance that now exhausts you in adulthood was once necessary for your survival. It wasn't paranoia; it was accurate pattern recognition in a dangerous environment.

The freeze response isn't cowardice. Many survivors wonder why they freeze in conflict rather than fighting back or leaving. Main and Hesse's research explains this directly: when both approach and avoidance are dangerous, the nervous system's only remaining option is to freeze. This dissociative response—feeling disconnected, numb, unable to think or act—is exactly what their research documented in infants facing impossible situations. Your freeze response is biology, not character failure.

Your relationship patterns have roots. If you find yourself drawn to unpredictable partners, or if you oscillate between desperate clinging and cold withdrawal, or if your relationships feel chaotic and confusing—these patterns often trace back to disorganized attachment. When unpredictability was your baseline, predictability can feel foreign or even boring. When your early attachment figure was both safe haven and source of fear, you may have learned that intimacy and danger are intertwined. Understanding this doesn't make the patterns disappear, but it helps you stop blaming yourself for what was an adaptive response to impossible circumstances.

Clinical Implications

For psychiatrists, psychologists, and trauma-informed clinicians, Main and Hesse's research has direct implications for assessment and treatment.

Assessment must capture disorganization specifically. Standard attachment questionnaires often miss disorganized patterns because they assess organised insecure styles (anxious, avoidant) rather than the absence of organised strategy that characterises disorganization. The Adult Attachment Interview (AAI), developed by Main and colleagues, identifies "Unresolved/Disorganised" status through lapses in monitoring during discussions of loss or trauma. Clinically, assess for: contradictory relationship behaviours that don't fit anxious or avoidant patterns; dissociative responses triggered by attachment themes; difficulty maintaining coherent narratives about early relationships; and oscillation between approach and avoidance in the therapeutic relationship.

The therapeutic relationship requires special care. Patients with disorganized attachment experienced their primary attachment figure as frightening. The therapist must not repeat this pattern—even inadvertently. This means consistent, predictable behaviour; careful attention to inadvertently frightening communications (sudden movements, raised voice, unexpected changes); explicit discussion of the therapeutic frame; and willingness to repair ruptures promptly. The therapeutic relationship must be the opposite of what the patient experienced: a consistently safe haven that never becomes a source of fear.

Expect complex transference patterns. Disorganized patients may simultaneously seek closeness and fear it, trust the therapist and expect betrayal, want help and sabotage treatment. These contradictory patterns are not resistance to be overcome but the direct manifestation of disorganized attachment in the therapeutic relationship. The therapist who becomes frustrated or confused is experiencing what the patient has lived with internally since infancy. Maintaining consistent, curious, non-retaliatory presence through these storms is itself therapeutic.

Trauma processing must wait for stabilisation. Main and Hesse's research suggests that disorganization involves dissociative processes—the collapse of integrated consciousness in response to unsolvable threat. Rushing to trauma processing in patients with disorganized attachment risks triggering dissociation that fragments rather than heals. Phase-oriented treatment—extensive stabilisation before trauma processing—is not optional for this population. Developing emotional regulation skills, building a stable therapeutic alliance, and establishing safety are prerequisites that may take years before deeper work is possible.

Consider body-based approaches. The freeze response documented in disorganized attachment is fundamentally somatic—a state of the body, not just the mind. Approaches that address somatic states directly—Somatic Experiencing, sensorimotor psychotherapy, trauma-sensitive yoga—may access and resolve patterns that talk therapy alone cannot reach. The "thaw" from chronic freeze states requires the body to complete defensive responses that were interrupted in infancy.

Broader Implications

Main and Hesse's research extends far beyond individual therapy to illuminate patterns across families, institutions, and society.

The Intergenerational Transmission of Trauma

The most significant implication of this research is its explanation of how trauma perpetuates across generations. The traumatised parent's unresolved experiences produce frightening behaviours; these behaviours produce disorganized attachment in the child; without intervention, that child becomes an adult with unresolved attachment status who produces the same patterns with their own children. This is not metaphor—it is a documented mechanism. Understanding this transmission pathway suggests intervention points: treating parental trauma before or during the child's infancy, providing parent-child therapy that interrupts frightening patterns, and supporting children of traumatised parents before disorganization becomes deeply encoded.

The Hidden Epidemic of Disorganized Attachment

Research suggests that 15-25% of children in community samples show disorganized attachment, but rates in high-risk populations are dramatically higher—up to 80% in maltreated children. This represents a massive public health burden that largely goes unrecognised because disorganized attachment doesn't have a diagnostic code or public awareness campaign. The downstream effects—increased rates of dissociative disorders, borderline personality disorder, substance abuse, and violent behaviour—represent costs borne by individuals and society for failures of early intervention.

Relationship Patterns in Adulthood

Adults with disorganized attachment histories often find themselves in relationships that recreate familiar dynamics. The trauma bond—remaining attached to a frightening partner—makes neurobiological sense in light of Main and Hesse's work: the attachment system and fear system are simultaneously activated, just as they were in infancy. Understanding disorganized attachment helps explain why survivors of domestic violence return to abusers, why adult children of narcissists may partner with narcissists, and why the pull toward chaos can be stronger than the pull toward safety.

Legal and Custody Considerations

Family courts regularly make decisions that affect parent-child attachment without adequate understanding of disorganization. A parent who presents well in formal settings may be frightening to their child in private. Main and Hesse's research suggests that parental trauma history and attachment status are relevant to custody evaluations—not as automatic disqualifiers, but as factors requiring professional assessment. Courts should have access to clinicians trained in attachment assessment who can identify patterns invisible to standard evaluation.

Implications for Childcare and Education

Children with disorganized attachment may not be identified in educational settings because their behaviours—freezing, dissociation, contradictory responses—are often mislabelled as defiance, daydreaming, or emotional volatility. Teachers and childcare providers who understand disorganization can provide compensatory attachment experiences: consistent, predictable, non-frightening adults who offer safe havens during the school day. These alternative attachment figures can buffer against the worst effects of frightening home environments.

Public Health and Prevention

Main and Hesse's identification of the mechanism linking parental trauma to infant disorganization suggests prevention is possible. Screening for parental trauma during pregnancy and early childhood; providing trauma treatment to parents before transmission occurs; training home visitors, paediatricians, and early childhood educators to identify frightening parental behaviour; and intervening early when disorganization is detected—these approaches could potentially break intergenerational cycles at scale. The return on investment, measured in reduced mental health burden, criminal justice involvement, and lost productivity, would likely be substantial.

Limitations and Considerations

Main and Hesse's influential research has important limitations that inform how we apply it.

The mechanism may not be exclusive. While frightened/frightening behaviour is strongly associated with disorganized attachment, other factors may contribute. Parental dissociation, extreme withdrawal, or role-confused behaviour also predicts disorganization. The frightened/frightening hypothesis may be one mechanism among several. Additionally, child temperament and genetic factors interact with parenting in complex ways not fully captured by the model.

Cultural considerations remain underexplored. Most attachment research, including Main and Hesse's, has been conducted in Western, predominantly middle-class samples. While the basic attachment system appears universal, how "frightening" behaviour is expressed and interpreted may vary across cultures. Parenting practices normative in one culture might be classified as disorganizing by researchers trained in another. Cross-cultural research is needed to determine which aspects of the findings generalise and which require cultural adaptation.

Assessment limitations exist. The Adult Attachment Interview requires extensive training and is time-intensive, limiting its clinical utility. Self-report measures of adult attachment often fail to capture disorganized patterns. The field needs more accessible assessment tools that can reliably identify disorganization in clinical settings.

The path from infant disorganization to adult outcomes is complex. Not all infants classified as disorganized develop psychopathology; protective factors and later experiences matter. Conversely, organised attachment in infancy doesn't guarantee secure adult functioning. The research establishes risk and mechanism but doesn't determine individual outcomes.

Historical Context

Main and Hesse's 1990 chapter built on a decade of their own research and on the foundational work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Bowlby established attachment as a biologically based behavioural system; Ainsworth developed the Strange Situation Procedure and identified three infant attachment patterns (secure, avoidant, anxious-resistant) in the 1970s.

By the early 1980s, Main and her colleague Judith Solomon observed that some infants' Strange Situation behaviour didn't fit the existing categories. These infants showed bizarre, contradictory behaviours: freezing, approaching the parent backwards, incomplete movements, and dissociative-like states. In 1986, Main and Solomon formally classified "disorganized/disoriented" attachment as the fourth pattern, fundamentally expanding Ainsworth's system.

The 1990 chapter provided the theoretical explanation: these behaviours emerge when the attachment figure is also frightening. The theory drew on an evolutionary logic—the attachment system and fear system evolved to work together (fear activates attachment behaviour), but when the attachment figure is the source of fear, the systems produce contradictory action tendencies with no resolution.

Simultaneously, Main was developing the Adult Attachment Interview (AAI), which revolutionised the field by demonstrating that adult attachment representations—particularly "Unresolved" status regarding loss or trauma—predicted infant attachment classification. This established the intergenerational transmission of attachment with a precision previously impossible.

The 1990 chapter synthesised these developments, becoming foundational to developmental psychology, clinical psychology, and trauma studies. Mary Main continued research at UC Berkeley until her death in 2023; Erik Hesse has continued to develop and refine the theory. Their work has been cited over 3,000 times and remains required reading in attachment research training worldwide.

Parents' Unresolved Traumatic Experiences Are Related to Infant Disorganized Attachment Status: Is Frightened and/or Frightening Parental Behavior the Linking Mechanism?

APA Citation