Violence, N. (2017) | References | Narcissus and the Child

What This Research Found

The National Network to End Domestic Violence's 12th Annual Domestic Violence Counts Report represents the most comprehensive single-day census of domestic violence services in the United States. Conducted on September 13, 2017, the census captured a snapshot of both the immense need and the devastating resource gaps that characterise America's response to intimate partner violence. The findings fundamentally reframe how we understand domestic violence as a phenomenon driven not primarily by physical violence but by economic control and, increasingly, technology-facilitated surveillance.

The staggering scale of need: On a single September day, 1,946 domestic violence programs across all 50 states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, and the U.S. territories responded to the census. These programs served 72,707 adult and child victims—42,093 living in emergency shelters and transitional housing, and 30,614 receiving non-residential services including counselling, legal advocacy, and children's programs. Yet the same day, 11,441 requests for services went unmet. The majority of unmet requests—63%—were for emergency shelter and housing. Programmes simply did not have enough beds for survivors fleeing violence. This gap between need and capacity means that on any given day, thousands of survivors who have made the difficult decision to seek help are turned away, forced back into dangerous situations because the safety net has too many holes.

Financial abuse as the near-universal mechanism of control: Perhaps the report's most significant finding is the prevalence of financial abuse—documented in 99% of domestic violence cases. This statistic fundamentally challenges the popular conception of domestic violence as primarily physical. Abusers understand that economic control is the most effective chain, creating tangible barriers to leaving that no amount of courage or awareness can overcome alone. Financial abuse takes many forms: controlling all household money, providing "allowances" and demanding receipts, preventing employment or sabotaging jobs, running up debt in the victim's name, hiding marital assets, refusing to work and forcing the victim to be the sole earner while controlling their wages, and exploiting the victim's credit. The economic devastation of abuse extends long past the relationship, with survivors facing destroyed credit, employment gaps, and poverty that can persist for decades.

The crisis of technology-facilitated abuse: The 2017 report documented the growing intersection of technology and abuse, a trend that has only intensified since. Programmes reported increasing requests for help with technology safety as abusers exploit digital tools for surveillance, harassment, and control. The same smartphones that connect us to the world become tools of stalking. GPS tracking—through phone location services or hidden devices—allows abusers to monitor every movement. Spyware captures texts, calls, emails, and browsing history. Social media becomes a tool for monitoring, harassment, and post-separation control. Smart home devices—thermostats, cameras, locks—can be weaponised for intimidation. The digital nature of modern life means that escape requires not just physical separation but careful technological separation, often with professional guidance.

The resource gap and its consequences: The 11,441 unmet requests represent more than a statistic—they represent survivors and children left in danger because the system failed to provide basic safety. Programmes reported lacking funding for staffing, shelter beds, legal advocates, counsellors, and economic empowerment services. Rural areas were particularly underserved, with survivors sometimes needing to travel hours to reach safety. The gap between need and resources is not an inevitable reality but a policy choice—the result of chronic underfunding of domestic violence services at federal, state, and local levels. Every unmet request represents a person or family for whom the safety net did not exist when they needed it most.

How This Research Is Used in the Book

The NNEDV's Domestic Violence Counts Report appears in Narcissus and the Child as critical evidence for understanding why survivors struggle to escape abusive relationships. In Chapter 21: Breaking the Spell, the 99% financial abuse statistic grounds the book's analysis of economic entrapment:

"The statistics are undeniable: financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases. This is strategy, never coincidence. Abusers understand that economic dependence is the most effective chain, that victims who cannot afford to leave will not leave, no matter how severe the abuse. Our economic system, with its vast inequality, expensive housing, inadequate childcare, and employment insecurity, creates perfect conditions for abusers to trap their victims."

This framing positions financial abuse not as a secondary feature of domestic violence but as its primary mechanism—the tool that makes all other abuse possible by ensuring the victim cannot escape. The chapter explicitly rejects simplistic advice to "just leave," recognising that leaving often means choosing between abuse and destitution, between violence and homelessness, between psychological torture and losing one's children.

The book uses the NNEDV data to illustrate the "double bind" facing survivors: they are told they must leave for their safety, while the systems supposedly designed to help them—family courts, social services, law enforcement, healthcare—often operate from frameworks that enable further abuse. The 11,441 unmet service requests demonstrate that even when survivors are ready to leave, help may not be available. This systemic failure is not treated as background context but as an active component of the abuse survivors experience.

The technology-facilitated abuse findings inform the book's guidance on digital safety and stalking prevention, recognising that modern escape requires not just physical departure but comprehensive technological separation—new devices, new accounts, careful attention to what information is accessible to the abuser.

Why This Matters for Survivors

If you have experienced narcissistic abuse, the NNEDV report provides crucial validation and practical understanding of your situation.

Your financial entrapment was deliberate. The 99% statistic confirms what you may have sensed: the financial control, the sabotaged jobs, the hidden money, the debt in your name—these were not coincidental features of your relationship but calculated strategies to ensure you could not leave. When your abuser controlled every dollar, demanded receipts for every purchase, or made it impossible for you to work, they were implementing the most common abuse tactic documented. Your difficulty leaving was not weakness or failure—it was the predictable result of systematic economic abuse.

Technology surveillance is a recognised form of abuse. If you experienced monitoring through your phone, tracking devices in your car, hacked email accounts, or stalking through social media, you were experiencing technology-facilitated abuse—a form of coercive control that has increased dramatically in the smartphone era. The sense that you were constantly watched, that you had no privacy, that your abuser always seemed to know where you were and what you were doing—this was not paranoia. It was likely accurate perception of real surveillance. Domestic violence programmes now regularly address these tactics, and help is available for technology safety planning.

The system's failures are not your failures. If you sought help and were turned away—if the shelter was full, if you couldn't afford a lawyer, if no one seemed to understand what you were experiencing—you were not alone. On a single day, more than 11,000 requests for help went unmet. The gaps in services represent systemic failures, not personal ones. If you struggled to find help, it's because the help wasn't adequately funded and available—not because you didn't deserve it or didn't try hard enough.

Economic recovery is part of abuse recovery. The financial devastation of abuse—destroyed credit, employment gaps, poverty—is a recognised consequence requiring specific intervention. Economic empowerment programmes, financial literacy resources, and transitional support exist because the domestic violence field understands that escape requires economic viability. If you are rebuilding financially after abuse, you are engaged in a recognised recovery process, not starting from scratch due to personal failure.

Understanding Technology-Facilitated Abuse

The NNEDV report's documentation of technology-facilitated abuse reveals a rapidly evolving abuse landscape. Understanding these tactics is essential for safety planning and recovery.

Surveillance through everyday devices: The smartphone in your pocket can become a comprehensive surveillance tool. Location services reveal every movement. Call and text logs document every communication. Email and social media apps provide access to relationships, plans, and private thoughts. Abusers may install spyware that captures everything—keystrokes, screenshots, microphone recordings—without visible signs. They may use "family" tracking features ostensibly for safety but actually for control. Smart home devices add additional vectors: security cameras that watch you, smart locks that can lock you in or out, thermostats that can be manipulated as punishment.

The challenge of digital separation: Leaving a relationship increasingly requires digital departure. Shared accounts, family plans, and synced devices create ongoing connections even after physical separation. An abuser who remains on a phone plan sees call records. Shared streaming accounts reveal viewing habits and location. Cloud storage may contain copies of private photos and documents. Financial accounts may be jointly controlled. Disentangling these connections safely—without alerting the abuser that departure is imminent—requires careful planning.

The stalking continuum: Technology extends stalking beyond physical presence. An abuser can monitor a victim's location remotely, read their communications, see their social media activity, and know their movements without ever being physically present. This creates a constant sense of surveillance that persists even after leaving. Post-separation stalking often intensifies as the abuser, losing physical control, escalates technological monitoring. The harassment may continue through endless communications, fake profiles, monitoring of the victim's new relationships, and recruitment of mutual contacts as information sources.

Technology safety planning: Addressing technology abuse requires specific strategies. Using a separate, secure device (like a library computer or new phone the abuser doesn't know about) for safety planning prevents detection. Changing passwords and security questions must be done carefully—sudden changes may alert the abuser. New accounts should use information the abuser doesn't know. Devices may need to be left behind entirely if they're compromised. Physical sweeps of cars and belongings may be needed to find hidden GPS trackers. The NNEDV's Safety Net project provides specialised guidance for these situations.

Economic Abuse: The Mechanism of Entrapment

The 99% financial abuse finding deserves deep exploration because it reframes how we understand domestic violence.

How economic abuse creates captivity: Financial abuse operates on multiple levels. At the most basic, it denies the victim the resources to leave—no money for first month's rent, no savings for a security deposit, no ability to afford legal representation. But it also creates ongoing dependency that makes imagining independent life difficult. A victim who hasn't managed money, paid bills, or made financial decisions for years may feel incapable of surviving alone. The abuser reinforces this: "You'd be nothing without me. You couldn't survive on your own. You're hopeless with money." Economic abuse thus creates both material and psychological entrapment.

Forms of financial control: Economic abuse manifests in many ways. Some abusers control all money directly—depositing the victim's paycheques into accounts the victim cannot access, providing an "allowance" and demanding receipts, making all financial decisions unilaterally. Others prevent employment—creating obstacles to working, sabotaging job opportunities, causing scenes at workplaces until the victim is fired, demanding the victim stay home to care for children or perform domestic labour. Some exploit the victim's labour—requiring them to work while controlling all wages, or refusing to work themselves and depending on the victim's income while maintaining financial dominance. Still others destroy the victim's financial future—running up debt in their name, ruining their credit, depleting joint assets, hiding income and property.

The intersection with other abuse: Economic abuse rarely stands alone. It intersects with isolation—preventing employment cuts off workplace relationships that might provide support or reality-checking. It enables other control—a victim with no money cannot afford the therapy that might help them recognise abuse, the lawyer who might help them escape, the separate housing that would make leaving possible. It compounds over time—credit damage and employment gaps accumulate, making escape progressively harder the longer the abuse continues.

Systemic factors that enable economic abuse: The 99% statistic reflects not just abuser tactics but systemic conditions that make those tactics effective. Expensive housing means leaving requires significant resources. Inadequate childcare means working while parenting alone is nearly impossible without family support. Employment instability means any job disruption is financially devastating. Lack of universal healthcare means losing a spouse's insurance could mean losing access to necessary medical care or medication. These aren't natural conditions—they're policy choices that create the environment in which economic abuse thrives.

Clinical Implications

For mental health professionals, domestic violence advocates, and healthcare providers, the NNEDV findings have direct implications for assessment and intervention.

Screen for financial and technology abuse specifically: Traditional domestic violence screening may focus on physical violence, missing the coercive control that constitutes most abuse. Ask specifically about financial control: Do you have access to money? Can you make spending decisions? Do you know what's in your bank accounts? Has your credit been affected by your relationship? Ask about technology: Does your partner monitor your phone or social media? Do they seem to know where you are or who you're talking to? Do you feel watched? These questions may reveal abuse that incident-focused screening misses.

Understand barriers to leaving are real, not psychological resistance: When a patient describes inability to leave an abusive relationship, take seriously the practical barriers. Ask about housing, income, childcare, healthcare, and legal concerns. Connect to economic empowerment resources. Recognise that someone cannot will their way out of material constraints. Therapy alone cannot solve economic captivity.

Assess technology safety in safety planning: When helping patients develop safety plans, include technology considerations. Are their devices compromised? Is their location being tracked? Do they have accounts the abuser doesn't know about? Do they need to use different devices for safety planning? Connect to technology safety resources like the NNEDV's Safety Net project.

Recognise post-separation abuse continues through economic and technological means: The end of a relationship does not necessarily mean the end of abuse. Abusers may continue control through financial mechanisms—refusing to pay support, hiding assets, using litigation to drain resources. Technology enables ongoing stalking and harassment. Support for survivors must extend past physical separation to address these continuing forms of abuse.

Advocate for systemic resources: Individual intervention cannot address systemic gaps in services. Mental health professionals and advocates can contribute to policy advocacy for increased domestic violence funding, affordable housing, accessible childcare, and other structural supports that make escape possible.

Broader Implications

The NNEDV findings illuminate patterns that extend beyond individual relationships to reveal how systems enable abuse.

The Economic System as Abuse Enabler

The 99% financial abuse statistic is only possible because our economic system creates the conditions for it. Expensive housing means victims need substantial resources to establish independent living. Healthcare tied to employment or marriage means leaving can mean losing access to necessary medical care. Childcare costs that can exceed rent mean single parents face impossible mathematics. Wage stagnation while housing costs rise means margins for survival shrink for everyone. These conditions are policy choices, not natural laws. Other developed nations provide universal healthcare, affordable housing, accessible childcare, and employment protections that give abuse victims realistic options for escape. The American system's gaps create a landscape where economic abuse thrives.

Technology Without Accountability

The technology-facilitated abuse documented in the report represents a market failure. Devices designed for convenience—phones that track location, apps that share data, smart devices that connect home functions—create surveillance infrastructure that abusers exploit. Companies develop these tools without adequate consideration of abuse potential. Stalkerware—apps specifically designed for surveillance—exists in app stores despite serving no legitimate purpose. Tracking features marketed for "family safety" serve equally well for control. The technology industry has been slow to address these harms, and legal frameworks lag behind technological capabilities.

The Inadequacy of Criminal Justice Approaches

The resource gaps documented in the NNEDV report reflect a misallocation of response resources. The United States invests heavily in criminal justice approaches to domestic violence—police response, prosecution, incarceration—while underfunding the services that actually enable survivors to escape and rebuild. Criminal justice intervention has a role, but it cannot provide shelter, counselling, legal advocacy, childcare, job training, or the economic resources survivors need. The 11,441 unmet requests represent the consequences of prioritising punishment over prevention and support.

Intergenerational Transmission

The 72,707 survivors served in a single day included both adults and children. Children exposed to domestic violence face elevated risks of mental health challenges, academic difficulties, and future involvement in abusive relationships—whether as victims or perpetrators. The resource gaps that leave survivors in dangerous situations also leave children in those situations, transmitting trauma across generations. Investment in domestic violence services is investment in breaking intergenerational cycles of abuse.

The Evolution of Technology-Facilitated Abuse

The 2017 report captured a moment in the ongoing evolution of technology abuse. Understanding this trajectory helps contextualise current risks.

The smartphone transformation: Before smartphones, abuser surveillance required physical presence or specialised equipment. Smartphones democratised surveillance, putting comprehensive monitoring capabilities in everyone's hands. Location services, message access, call logs, photo libraries, social media accounts—all accessible through a single device. Abusers who might never have purchased dedicated tracking equipment readily exploited built-in phone features.

The connected home: Smart home devices extend surveillance into the home itself. Security cameras that "protect" the house also monitor the victim's movements. Smart locks can trap victims inside or lock them out. Thermostats and lights can be manipulated as harassment or demonstrations of control. Voice assistants may record conversations. As homes become more connected, abuse vectors multiply.

The data economy: The broader data economy—in which companies collect and sell personal information—creates additional vulnerabilities. Data brokers sell information that helps abusers locate victims. "People finder" websites expose addresses that victims tried to hide. The pervasive tracking that enables targeted advertising also enables targeted abuse.

Post-separation escalation: Technology extends abuser reach after physical separation. An abuser can monitor a victim's new location, new relationships, and new life from anywhere. Social media reveals information victims may not realise they're sharing. Mutual contacts can be recruited to report on the victim's activities. The boundary of physical separation provides less protection when digital connection persists.

Practical Technology Safety Guidance

For survivors, the NNEDV findings translate into practical safety considerations.

Assume monitoring until proven otherwise: If you're in or leaving an abusive relationship, assume your devices may be compromised. Use separate, secure devices (library computers, new phones, trusted friends' devices) for safety planning. Don't research domestic violence resources, escape routes, or new housing on devices your abuser has access to.

Know what your devices reveal: Understand what information your phone, computer, and connected devices contain and share. Location services, synced accounts, shared family plans, cloud backups—all may provide information to an abuser. Review privacy settings, but recognise that the abuser may have installed monitoring tools beyond standard features.

Plan for digital separation: When leaving, consider what digital disentanglement is needed. Shared accounts, family phone plans, joint financial access, shared streaming services, synced devices—all create ongoing connections. Develop a plan for separating these connections safely, recognising that sudden changes may alert the abuser.

Sweep for tracking devices: Physical GPS trackers can be hidden in cars, bags, and belongings. Common locations in vehicles include wheel wells, under bumpers, in the OBD port, and in the trunk. Professional sweeps are available but expensive; manual inspection can find most devices.

Seek specialised help: Technology safety is a specialised field. The NNEDV's Safety Net project, local domestic violence programmes, and technology safety specialists can provide guidance specific to your situation. Don't try to address technology abuse alone—expert help is available.

Resources for Economic Empowerment and Technology Safety

The NNEDV report underscores the importance of connecting survivors with appropriate resources.

For immediate safety and resources:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Online chat: thehotline.org
Text "START" to 88788
For deaf/hard of hearing: 1-855-812-1001 (VP)

For technology safety:

NNEDV Safety Net Project: techsafety.org
Provides information on technology safety, privacy, and security in the context of domestic violence

For financial resources:

Local domestic violence programmes often have emergency funds
TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) with domestic violence waivers
Housing assistance programmes with domestic violence priority
Legal aid for protection orders, custody, and divorce
Economic empowerment programmes for job training and employment

For ongoing advocacy:

State domestic violence coalitions
Policy advocacy for increased funding
Public education about domestic violence

Limitations and Considerations

The NNEDV report, while authoritative, has limitations that inform its interpretation.

Single-day snapshot: The census captures one day, which may not represent typical demand. Seasonal variation, local events, and other factors might affect that day's numbers. However, the consistency of findings across annual censuses suggests the patterns are robust.

Self-reported programme data: Programmes self-report their statistics, and data quality may vary. Some programmes may have incomplete records, particularly for non-residential services. The true numbers may be higher than reported.

Focus on programmes, not all survivors: The census counts survivors accessing domestic violence programmes, not all survivors. Many survivors never access formal services, seeking help instead from family, friends, faith communities, or no one at all. The true scope of need is certainly larger than documented.

U.S.-specific findings: The report covers the United States and territories. While patterns of financial and technology abuse are likely similar internationally, resource availability and systemic factors vary by country.

Evolution since 2017: Technology has continued to evolve since this report. AirTags and similar trackers have created new stalking vectors. Social media platforms have changed. Smart home devices have proliferated. Current technology abuse may look somewhat different than 2017, though the fundamental dynamics remain.

Historical Context

The 2017 Domestic Violence Counts Report appeared at a significant moment in public awareness about gendered violence. The #MeToo movement, which would explode into mainstream consciousness in October 2017—just weeks after this census—would fundamentally change public discourse about sexual harassment and assault. This context shaped both the report's reception and subsequent policy discussions.

The 12th annual census continued a tradition of documentation that began in 2006, providing longitudinal data on domestic violence services. The consistency of findings across years—chronic underfunding, persistent resource gaps, and evolving abuse tactics—demonstrated that these were not temporary problems but structural features of America's response to domestic violence.

The 99% financial abuse statistic drew particular attention, becoming widely cited in advocacy, journalism, and policy discussions. It challenged the still-common public perception of domestic violence as primarily physical, reframing economic control as the mechanism of entrapment. This reconceptualisation influenced subsequent policy discussions about economic empowerment as abuse prevention.

The documentation of technology-facilitated abuse captured an emerging crisis. While advocates had been addressing technology safety for years, the 2017 report made clear that this was now a standard feature of abuse, not an exceptional case. The finding influenced development of technology safety resources, training for advocates and law enforcement, and calls for technology industry accountability.

12th Annual Domestic Violence Counts Report

APA Citation