Strutzenberg, C., Wiersma-Mosley, J., Jozkowski, K., & Becnel, J. (2017) | References

What This Research Found

Claire Strutzenberg and colleagues' 2017 study represents pioneering empirical research on love bombing as a distinct narcissistic relationship formation tactic. Published in Discovery, this research provided the first systematic examination of a phenomenon that survivors and clinicians had long observed but that lacked academic investigation. The study's findings validated survivor experiences while establishing a framework for understanding how narcissists rapidly create emotional dependency in romantic relationships.

Defining love-bombing as a strategic pattern. The research identified love-bombing not as simple romantic enthusiasm but as a coordinated pattern of overwhelming attention, affection, and flattery designed to quickly establish emotional bonds. The key elements include constant communication and contact, premature declarations of love and commitment, excessive flattery that seems disproportionate to the relationship's duration, lavish gifts and grand gestures, intense focus that makes the target feel uniquely understood, and pressure—often subtle—to reciprocate at the same intensity. This pattern serves strategic purposes: it bypasses normal relationship evaluation processes, creates rapid emotional dependency, and establishes the foundation for later control and manipulation.

The mechanism of bypassing evaluation. Strutzenberg's research revealed that love-bombing's effectiveness lies in its ability to overwhelm the target's normal assessment processes. In healthy relationship development, people gradually learn about potential partners, noticing both positive and negative qualities over time. Love-bombing short-circuits this process by flooding the target with positive experiences so intense that red flags are obscured or rationalised away. The narcissist appears so devoted, so attentive, so perfectly aligned with the target's desires, that the target concludes they have found their soulmate. This idealization phase feels like genuine connection because it triggers authentic bonding neurochemistry—but it is strategically manufactured rather than organically developed.

The role of mirroring. Participants in the study reported that narcissists engaged in extensive mirroring—adopting the target's interests, values, preferences, and communication styles. This creates an uncanny sense of compatibility and understanding. The target feels truly "seen" for perhaps the first time, not realising that the narcissist is reflecting back what they want to see rather than revealing authentic self. This mirroring intensifies the love-bombing effect, making the connection feel not just intense but uniquely deep and meaningful. When the mask eventually slips and the narcissist reveals different values or interests, the target is already too attached to easily leave.

Creating the conditions for trauma bonding. The study demonstrated that love-bombing functions as the first phase in the cycle that creates trauma bonding. By establishing an intensely positive emotional baseline, love-bombing creates the "high" that victims later desperately try to recreate. The dopamine and oxytocin activation during love-bombing creates genuine neurochemical bonding. When the inevitable devaluation phase begins, the victim is already deeply attached and interprets the shift as something they caused or can fix. The memory of the love-bombing phase becomes the intermittent reinforcement that maintains the bond—each small return to idealisation reinforces hope and strengthens attachment. Without the love-bombing foundation, subsequent abuse would not create the same powerful entanglement.

The aftermath: confusion and self-doubt. Participants who experienced love-bombing reported profound confusion when the narcissist's behaviour shifted. Having experienced what felt like perfect love and understanding, they interpreted the change as their own failure—they must have done something wrong to destroy the relationship. This self-blame kept them attached, trying to figure out how to return to the "golden period." The study found that victims often spent months or years in this state before recognising that the love-bombing phase was the manipulation, not the authentic relationship that was somehow lost.

How This Research Is Used in the Book

Strutzenberg and colleagues' research on love-bombing appears throughout Narcissus and the Child as a key framework for understanding how narcissistic relationships form and why they become so difficult to leave. The research is cited in multiple chapters addressing relationship dynamics, neurological mechanisms, and survivor recovery.

In Chapter 20: Field Guide to Narcissistic Situations, the research provides the foundation for understanding relationship red flags:

"The relationship may have begun with what felt like a fairy tale—overwhelming attention, constant contact, declarations of love within weeks or even days. Strutzenberg's research on love-bombing reveals this as a calculated tactic, whether conscious or not, designed to establish emotional dependency before you can accurately assess the narcissist's character."

The book uses this insight to help survivors understand that the "magical beginning" was not lost but was never authentic—it was the mechanism of their entrapment.

In Chapter 3: The Anxious Sibling—Borderline Personality, love-bombing is discussed in the context of how both narcissistic and borderline patterns can involve intense early relationship phases:

"While both NPD and BPD can involve intense early relationship phases, the function differs. The narcissist's love-bombing serves to secure narcissistic supply and establish control; the borderline individual's intensity often reflects desperate attachment need rather than strategic manipulation."

Chapter 11: Neurological Contagion connects love-bombing to the neurobiological mechanisms that create attachment:

"Love-bombing is neurologically effective precisely because it triggers genuine bonding chemistry. The constant attention activates reward circuits; the declarations of love trigger oxytocin; the sense of being uniquely understood creates powerful attachment. The victim's brain responds authentically to manufactured stimuli, creating bonds that persist long after the manipulation is revealed."

In Chapter 16: The Gaslit Self, love-bombing is explored as the setup for later gaslighting:

"The love-bombing phase establishes the narcissist as someone who truly knows and values the victim. This perceived deep understanding is later weaponised in gaslighting: 'I know you better than you know yourself.' The victim's memory of feeling so understood makes them vulnerable to accepting the narcissist's version of reality over their own perceptions."

Chapter 21: Breaking the Spell uses Strutzenberg's research to address recovery:

"One of the most painful aspects of recovery is recognising that the love-bombing phase was not real love that was somehow lost. The person who seemed to adore you so completely was performing—whether consciously or not—the role needed to secure your attachment. Grieving this illusion is often as painful as grieving the relationship itself, but it is necessary for genuine recovery."

Why This Matters for Survivors

If you have experienced narcissistic abuse, understanding love-bombing may be one of the most important insights for your recovery. Strutzenberg's research provides validation and framework for experiences that may have left you deeply confused.

The "magical beginning" was the manipulation. You may have spent months or years wondering what went wrong—how a relationship that started so perfectly became so painful. You may have blamed yourself, thinking you must have done something to destroy what you had. Strutzenberg's research reveals a difficult truth: the magical beginning was not authentic love that you somehow lost. It was a tactic—whether conscious or instinctive—designed to create the emotional dependency that kept you attached through later abuse. The person who seemed to adore you so completely was performing a role. This truth is painful but ultimately liberating: there is no perfect relationship to return to, because it never existed.

Your attachment makes neurobiological sense. The love-bombing phase created genuine neurochemical bonding. The constant attention triggered dopamine in your reward circuits. The declarations of love released oxytocin. The sense of being uniquely understood created powerful attachment. Your brain responded authentically to these stimuli—that is how human neurobiology works. The fact that these experiences were strategically manufactured rather than organically developed doesn't change the neurochemistry they created. Your difficulty leaving was not weakness; it was the predictable result of how your brain responded to love-bombing.

The shift was not your fault. When the narcissist moved from idealisation to devaluation—from overwhelming attention to criticism, coldness, or abuse—you likely searched for what you did wrong. Strutzenberg's research clarifies that you did nothing wrong. The shift is built into the narcissistic pattern. Love-bombing is unsustainable and serves only to establish attachment; once that goal is achieved, the narcissist has no motivation to maintain the performance. The devaluation would have happened regardless of your behaviour. Understanding this can help you stop the endless loop of self-blame.

Recognition provides protection. Understanding love-bombing patterns can protect you in future relationships. The warning signs—overwhelming intensity, premature commitment discussions, future-faking about marriage or living together, pressure to reciprocate at the same level, subtle discomfort beneath the flattery—can now be recognised for what they are. Healthy relationships develop gradually, respecting both partners' pace and comfort. Intensity that creates pressure rather than ease, no matter how flattering, is a red flag. This knowledge is protective without requiring you to be suspicious of all romance—it simply means you can notice when something feels off beneath the surface appeal.

Grieving the illusion is part of healing. Recovery from narcissistic abuse includes grieving not just the relationship but the illusion the love-bombing created. You may need to mourn the "soulmate" who never really existed, the perfect understanding that was actually mirroring, the future that was promised but was never intended. This grief is real and valid. Many survivors find this aspect of recovery surprisingly difficult—sometimes harder than grieving the actual relationship. Acknowledging the depth of what you lost, even though it was illusory, is part of the healing process.

Clinical Implications

For psychiatrists, psychologists, and trauma-informed healthcare providers, Strutzenberg's research on love-bombing has direct implications for assessment, treatment planning, and therapeutic approach with narcissistic abuse survivors.

Recognise love-bombing in relationship histories. When clients describe relationship experiences, listen for the hallmarks of love-bombing: overwhelming early intensity, unusually rapid progression, sense of having found a "soulmate" immediately, mirroring of interests and values, future-faking about commitment, and the client's own confusion about how such a "perfect" relationship became abusive. Clients may describe these early experiences with wistfulness, still idealising the love-bombing phase as the "real" relationship. Helping them recognise this phase as tactical rather than authentic is often a pivotal moment in treatment.

Address the love-bombing phase directly in psychoeducation. Many clients are familiar with concepts like gaslighting or devaluation but have not considered that the "good part" of the relationship was also manipulation. Providing psychoeducation about love-bombing—explaining its function in creating attachment and setting up trauma bonding—can be revelatory. Clients often experience a mix of relief (their experience makes sense) and grief (what felt like love was manufactured). Both responses require clinical attention.

Expect grief when clients recognise the illusion. When clients truly understand that the love-bombing phase was not genuine, they often experience profound grief—sometimes more intense than their grief over the relationship's end. They are mourning not just a relationship but a future that was promised, a level of understanding that seemed uniquely deep, a soulmate connection that felt real. Clinicians should anticipate this grief, normalise it, and provide appropriate support. Rushing past this grief to focus solely on the abuse can leave important healing work undone.

Help clients recalibrate relationship expectations. Survivors of love-bombing may have distorted expectations about how healthy relationships should begin. They may unconsciously seek the intensity of love-bombing in new relationships, interpreting slower-developing connections as lacking passion or chemistry. Treatment should address this recalibration, helping clients understand that healthy relationships typically develop gradually, with increasing intimacy that respects both partners' pace. Intensity that creates pressure rather than comfort is a warning sign, not evidence of deep connection.

Assess for love-bombing patterns in family of origin. Adult vulnerability to romantic love-bombing often has roots in childhood experiences. Children of narcissistic parents may have experienced analogous patterns—periods of idealisation and special attention followed by devaluation and neglect. These early experiences create templates that make love-bombing feel familiar and even comfortable. Treatment should explore family-of-origin dynamics that may have predisposed the client to accept and be drawn to love-bombing patterns.

Develop pattern recognition for future protection. Part of recovery involves helping clients recognise love-bombing warning signs in future relationships. This should be done carefully to avoid creating excessive suspicion of all romantic interest. The goal is nuanced pattern recognition: clients can learn to notice when intensity feels pressuring rather than comfortable, when someone seems to be mirroring rather than sharing authentic self, when commitment discussions feel premature, and when their own discomfort is being overridden by flattery. This protective awareness can be developed without sacrificing the capacity for genuine intimacy.

Broader Implications

Strutzenberg and colleagues' research on love-bombing extends beyond individual therapy to illuminate patterns across families, institutions, and society.

The Family System Origins of Vulnerability

Children raised by narcissistic parents often experience love-bombing in their family of origin, though it may not be recognised as such. The narcissistic parent's cycling between idealising and devaluing the child creates the template for later vulnerability. Children learn that love comes in overwhelming bursts that must be earned, that being "special" to someone means receiving intense focused attention, and that relationships naturally oscillate between being adored and being discarded. When they encounter romantic love-bombing as adults, it feels familiar—even comfortable—because it matches their original relationship template. Prevention of romantic love-bombing vulnerability may require addressing these family-of-origin patterns, ideally before children reach dating age.

The Narcissistic Supply Economy

Love-bombing can be understood within the framework of narcissistic supply—the attention, admiration, and emotional reactions that narcissists require for psychological regulation. The love-bombing phase secures a reliable supply source by creating emotional dependency in the target. Once the target is attached, the narcissist has a captive audience for their ongoing supply needs. The intensity of love-bombing reflects the narcissist's hunger for supply and their learned pattern for quickly securing it. Understanding this economy helps explain why narcissists may love-bomb multiple people simultaneously or move rapidly to new relationships when old ones fail to provide adequate supply.

Digital Amplification of Love-Bombing

Modern technology has amplified love-bombing's reach and intensity. Constant contact through texting, social media, and video calls enables overwhelming communication that would have been logistically impossible in earlier eras. The narcissist can be a constant presence in the target's life from the relationship's earliest days. Digital communication also provides platforms for public demonstrations of affection—tagging, posting, and commenting—that create social pressure and witnesses to the "perfect relationship." Dating apps and social media enable narcissists to identify and approach targets more efficiently while gathering information that facilitates effective mirroring. Educating young people about digital love-bombing patterns is increasingly important for abuse prevention.

Cultural Narratives That Enable Love-Bombing

Popular culture often romanticises behaviours that are actually love-bombing warning signs. Movies and novels frequently depict "grand gestures"—overwhelming demonstrations of devotion—as evidence of true love rather than potential red flags. The narrative of finding a "soulmate" who immediately and completely understands you validates the mirroring that narcissists employ. Expectations that true love should feel overwhelming and all-consuming set people up to interpret love-bombing as the relationship ideal rather than a manipulation tactic. Shifting cultural narratives toward valuing gradual, mutually respectful relationship development could reduce vulnerability to love-bombing.

Professional and Institutional Contexts

Love-bombing patterns occur beyond romantic relationships. Narcissistic employers may love-bomb new employees with special attention, praise, and promises before shifting to exploitation and devaluation. Cult leaders and charismatic group leaders employ love-bombing tactics to recruit and retain followers. Even institutional cultures can create love-bombing dynamics through excessive initial praise and inclusion followed by demands and criticism. Recognising love-bombing patterns across contexts helps identify the underlying mechanism of creating dependency through overwhelming positive attention before revealing exploitative intent.

Implications for Relationship Education

Strutzenberg's research has implications for how we educate young people about relationships. Current relationship education often focuses on recognising abuse after it occurs rather than identifying the patterns that precede it. Teaching young people to recognise love-bombing—to understand that overwhelming intensity is a warning sign rather than evidence of deep love, that healthy relationships develop gradually, and that discomfort beneath flattery deserves attention—could prevent abuse before it occurs. The challenge is communicating these concepts without creating cynicism about romance or excessive suspicion of genuine enthusiasm.

Limitations and Considerations

Strutzenberg and colleagues' pioneering work has important limitations that inform how we apply it.

Sample and publication context. The study was published in a student research journal and used qualitative methodology with a limited sample. While the findings align with clinical observations and survivor reports, the empirical foundation is modest. Subsequent research has generally supported the love-bombing concept, but clinicians should remain aware that the evidence base is still developing. The study represents an important starting point rather than definitive proof.

Distinguishing love-bombing from enthusiastic courtship. The study identifies patterns associated with narcissistic love-bombing but does not fully resolve how to distinguish manipulation from genuine romantic enthusiasm. Some people are naturally more expressive and intense in early relationships without narcissistic intent. Context, pattern, and outcome matter: love-bombing typically creates pressure, ignores boundaries, and precedes devaluation, while genuine enthusiasm respects pace and comfort. However, in the moment, distinctions may be unclear. Clinicians should help clients develop nuanced assessment skills rather than blanket suspicion.

Cultural considerations. Courtship norms vary significantly across cultures. What constitutes overwhelming intensity in one cultural context may be expected relationship behaviour in another. Gift-giving, family involvement, and declarations of commitment operate differently across cultural contexts. Strutzenberg's research emerged from a North American context and may require adaptation when applied to clients from different cultural backgrounds. Clinicians should consider cultural norms when assessing whether relationship formation patterns constitute love-bombing.

Gender and relationship type. While narcissistic love-bombing occurs across genders and relationship types, research has primarily focused on heterosexual relationships with male narcissists and female targets. Less is known about how love-bombing manifests when women are the narcissists, in same-sex relationships, or in non-romantic contexts. The core dynamics likely operate similarly, but specific manifestations may vary. Clinicians should apply the framework flexibly across relationship configurations.

Conscious versus unconscious tactics. Strutzenberg's research does not fully resolve whether narcissistic love-bombing is conscious manipulation or instinctive pattern. Some narcissists may deliberately employ love-bombing as a calculated strategy; others may unconsciously enact patterns that "work" for securing relationships without conscious manipulation. For survivors, the distinction may matter less than the effect—but for understanding narcissistic pathology, the question of intentionality remains important. Treatment approaches may differ depending on the level of conscious manipulation involved.

Historical Context

Strutzenberg and colleagues' 2017 study emerged at a significant moment in the growing recognition of narcissistic abuse as a distinct phenomenon. While clinicians had long observed the pattern of overwhelming early attention in narcissistic relationships, and survivors had been using the term "love-bombing" in support communities, academic research had not specifically examined this tactic.

The term "love-bombing" itself has interesting origins outside the narcissistic abuse context. It was first used to describe recruitment tactics employed by certain religious groups (sometimes characterised as cults) in the 1970s and 1980s, where new members were showered with attention and affection to create rapid attachment. The application of the term to narcissistic relationship dynamics emerged primarily from survivor communities in the 2000s and 2010s, as online forums provided spaces for people to compare experiences and develop shared vocabulary.

Strutzenberg's research represents an important bridge between clinical observation, survivor vocabulary, and academic investigation. By systematically studying love-bombing as a relationship formation tactic, the research validated what survivors had been describing and provided a framework for clinical understanding. The study built on earlier work about narcissistic relationship dynamics while specifically focusing on the initial phase that sets up later abuse.

Since 2017, the concept of love-bombing has entered mainstream vocabulary, with increasing media coverage and public awareness. This popularisation has benefits—more people can recognise the pattern—but also risks, as the term is sometimes applied loosely to any intense early relationship attention. Strutzenberg's research provides important specificity: love-bombing is not just intensity but a pattern with specific characteristics and functions within the narcissistic abuse cycle.

The study's publication in a student research journal reflects both its pioneering nature and the still-developing status of narcissistic abuse research within academia. Subsequent research has built on this foundation, with growing empirical investigation of the tactics and dynamics that survivor communities first named.

Love-Bombing: A Narcissistic Approach to Relationship Formation

APA Citation